Troll hunting, why it's not a good idea and why we deleted the Rarebird thread

I think Riven has got to the nub of the issue there.

I watched the threads and only commented with a fatuous jazz hands comment.
I shouldn't have done it but it was a good joke. And I can rarely resist the bizarre.

For what it is worth , whilst the re hashing of the original thread is dull I am finding the discussion of trolls, troll hunting and how MNers feel we should react, quite interesting.
But that may just be me.

lol riven, practising?

FGS, leave SGB alone. the whole trollhunting thing is regretful, however every single poster on that thread had their own reasons for being there and what they posted. i know that i was trying to protect those who believed RB and stood to get hurt. there have been many kind hearted mners who have been very badly burned recently by vile trolls. we still don't know for certain what is real andf what isnt. lay off.

biwi there's no predicting how people react when experiencing extreme stress and emotional turmoil

Donnie, you're a bit hard on SGB there: as I recall she gave pithy but still well-meant and potentially useful advice on the thread.

When support is offered, it is usually at least acknowledged, even if it is then rejected. In this case, there was no acknowledgement of any of the offers.

SGB, maybe a forum supposedly offering support and understanding isn't the place for you after all

such a lovely turn of phrase SGB - well done you. More hatred and scorn...........give it a rest why don't you?

BusyMissIzzy, on a thread that demonstrated a staggering lack of kindness in a lot of posters I've previously thought really well of, you have nothing to feel bad about. Honestly? Crossing the online/RL line should only ever be done by the invitation of both parties, but your genuinely good and kind intentions are actually rather soothing, contrasted with the sanctimonious bullshit and downright viciousness that was on display elsewhere.

I admit I had suspicions about this poster myself when her thread wasn't that old, so I shut it without comment and moved on. It isn't that flipping difficult. As it seems I was mistaken, I'm exceedingly relieved that was all I did. How can people justify acting as judge and jury of potentially very vulnerable people? It's just wrong.

I think sometimes these frenzies occur not just because people think the OP is a true troll ie that the story is a complete fabrication but (as I certainly thought in this case) the OP is a twat whose self-obsession and drama-queening shouldn't be pandered to. But rather than saying, look you have brought a lot of this on yourself, get a grip, people start trollhunting instead.
I've had a few dealings with people like this IRL over the years - everything's a fucking tradgedy, none of it's their fault and they milk every imagined slight for all they are worth.

my personal view is that for every troll that is "outed" ten are not.

People are far too trusting of others they meet online, and far too quick to offer their time/money/help in other ways.

The internet is an escape for a lot of people. A platform where you can become whoever you want to be and where others will accept you for that person rather than the person you perhaps are in rl.

And I don't mean that all trolls are damaging in terms of extracting peoples' personal, deeply emotional experiences from them, but it would be all too easy to have a fab job/husband/house/life/couple of kids when actually you have none of those things.

Yep, SanctiMA. Totally agree. What's the worst that can happen if people are given the benefit of the doubt? Any troll would get bored if their thread was answered with a completely straight bat, as it were, and any genuine posters won't have to put up with the advance of the flaming torches if their stories are unusual or a little raggy round the edges because they are confused/distressed.

But yes, I am leaving this alone now too as I have said me piece.

BusyMiss you're new to teh site, the internet is weird and wonderful and MN extra so: stick about, change your name if you feel you must. Just remember that online help has to equal self protection too.

BusyMissIzzy - honestly, you sound lovely - but do please learn from it. There's no way you should've allowed yourself to cross this boundary.

Weird, yes, intrusive, yes, and I wish I hadn't done it. I don't have the energy to keep explaining every time someone new comes in and goes "OMG, someone phoned the hospital? That's just vile". Out of context, and considering the tone of the thread, it does sound like a mental thing to do.

But at the time I thought a quick phonecall could clear things up quickly, and seemed less vicious than the 500 pages of gleeful finger-pointing and speculation that followed.

theyoungvisiter I posted the result because I thought it lent credibility to her story.

I'm trying so hard to leave this alone (maybe even back out of MN altogether for a while, but it's so hard when people keep misconstruing my intentions, lumping me in with the trollhunters. It's like being misquoted, and it's upsetting me a lot. It shouldn't, but it does. I don't like being misrepresented.

I'm sorry I did it. I will certainly never try to "help" again.

And I appreciate the posters who are backing me up. Thanks.

I agree LT. TBH I awas saddned by a few of the names I saw pointing fingers on there; people I thought better of.

If people want to help people in distress it's a matter of I am so sorry, how awful. I don't know muuch to help but wanted to ewish you luck

or

That sounds really tough, I hope baby and dc's are OK. You may want to have a look at forrs oem good advice

or

bog off and leave it

then nobody gets hurt in any way and trolld don't get their dinner

It would hardly be surprising if her state of mind was disordered, under the circumstances. But anyway - it's not productive to keep going over and over things again, surely, after the thread has been deleted. My point is - I think some posters need to take a long, hard look at themselves and consider that their derision, and swiftness and relish to point the finger, actually makes them look worse than anyone. Why the crazed desperation to get to what they perceive as 'the truth'? There have been memorable instances in MN history (which I am sure many people can remember, and which I am not going to rake up by name) where people have shrieked troll in the most vociferous, persistent and unpleasant manner imaginable, only for the posters to turn out to be completely genuine. It never comes to any good. However, I know I am wasting my breath as it will happen again and again and again, and none of the trollhunters will think they are to blame or have behaved badly, but will keep self-justifying endlessly - "It wasn't ME, I was only trying to help," etc...Depressing.

Followed this but not posted yet.

I wonder if thread locking after MNHQ have posted a response would be better than deleting in many troll threads. Might stop the subsequent "What happened when I picked the dc up/went to the loo/hid under my own bridge..?" threads that always follow entire thread deletions.

she was in hospital saying she didn't have a toothbrush (again, I don't understand why she didn't just buy one). People were offering to drop some toiletries at reception. They weren't offering to go to her house, kick martha out and take up residence.

Why does it seem odd for someone to turn down offers of help from total strangers on the internet - however well meant?

Rarebird couldn't know whether an offer was genuine or was from some weirdo who'd end up burgling her house or something once he found out where she lived.

The reverse is also true of course - the weirdo could be making up a story and the well-meaning MNer could go to help and find herself in dire straits.

The internet is a dangerous place - it always astounds me that people will jump in so quickly to make personal contact.

Oh... and BusyMissIzzy - I'm sure you meant well, too, but I'm surprised that you can't see that phoning the hospital was just totally weird

Good point BIWI - there have been many other 'unbelievable' threads where it is accepted that sometimes people just go through shit, and support is offered. There has even been a recent one about a twin pregnancy. It's when posters post in a particular way or have glaring inconsistencies in their posts - oh and usually when someone comes along and says "you're talking about your 4yo DD, yet a year ago you had a 3yo DS" the OP comes back and addresses their concerns with a simple "yes, I'm changing details so I'm not recognisable in RL". On troll threads the OPs tend to ignore these posts, or get very upset and then mysteriously a friend or two turn up to back them up. Oh and the friends can never spell or type.

When BMI called the hospital the opinion of 99% of the posters on the thread was that RB was a troll - people were saying there was absolutely no chance she could be real. Someone else emailed the real 'her' and then suggested that RB check her emails. Igot the impression BMI wanted to talk to RB to offer help if she was real and if she wasn't then no harm done. I didn't think calling the hospital was a good idea, simply because I thought there was no chance they would give out that sort of information. I had no moral problem with her giving it a go.