School bans Valentine's cards: your thoughts please!

I Love to protect my DD1 at school from all the hurt in the world, obviously but all this protection and over-concern, where does it stop ??

Already any races at Sports day are banned at our school. you cant have 1st 2nd or 3rd just everyone did well, which makes it nicer BUT, it worries me, that we are just making these lessons harder to learn the longer we put them off.

Children need to get learn about real Life, child hood is the time to deal with problems with Mum behind you on your side.

I dont why but it feels dishonest and wrong to me on sports day when she asks who won?, was I 2nd? to brush over it. Children know when you are hiding something. They find stuff we hide from them fascinating for a reason, they want to learn.

We stop competitive sports days, but they compete in the playground for who's fastest. We can ban spelling tests ? Hide results? Pretend all parents have same amount of money, All kids have the same quality of life. Pretend if they haven't been invited then there is no party that weekend?? We organise pass the parcel secretly so it is utterly fair.......and so on, ban any Life experience that might cause upset, and often will to someone.

I was the least unpopular kid in my primary ! I got bullied and it still hurts so you'd think I'd support protecting those kids like me. ( I never got invited to any parties )
.....but...
My mum used to lie to me a lot and that hurt more. She would tell me what was easiest for her. she wasn't a great mum and often forgot stuff to do things for me then pretended it wasn't her fault. This caused me more upset. She didn't do it to be kind, and she was not a loving mum but the hardest thing for me was not being able to trust her to tell me the truth.

We should not encourage Valentine cards as they are IMO one of the few things left actually for adults, but if they wanted to send one they let them.

Kids all know, and are obsessed with their postion re:popularity anyway so it wont stop or help by banning VD cards.

I do feel a bit tired, I think, that Valentine's day has become a big issue amongst primary school kids. An issue enough that kids send them, I suppose. Earlier today I was chafing that some people are cumudgeonly about parents giving them to their kids, but if the xtension of including children is that now Valentine's day is a big event amongst children, in child-orientated settings, then i think 'do children have to be included in absolutley everything nowadays?'.

I remember one year in Junior school being the only person in my class not to get a VD card.
It was humiliating

To me the school have acted rightly, but my feelings are coloured by what happened to me at school - and VD just gave the bullies who made my life hell to remind me again why I was a short ugly four eyed brainbox who didn't have any friends.

I hope to hell my DS never has to suffer through this kind of humiliation when he goes to school.

It a very American thing for school kids to send valentines cards. I think they pretty much send them to all of the class.

DS1's school did "ban" Christmas cards one year (in the name of being environmentally friendly) There was outrage, and much passing of cards around the playground.
I couldn't care less about Valentines cards. DS2 (Y2) wants to send one to his teacher because he thinks she's lovely, but usually they wouldn't' send one to a "stinky" boy/girl.

Im for the ban. Valentines day is not for children.

It's a stupid reason for the ban, but I can entirely see why the school would not want valentine's cards - especially a primary school - it's just the hassle and stress and over-excited children to no good end.

DS's school always cunningly schedules spring half term over valentine's day and the autumn one over halloween - damn clever, IMO.

DD does lots of valentine-related crafts at nursery - which is absolutely fine - it is just pretty hearts to her, and any message added by staff just says "Happy Valentine's Day"

I'm for the ban. Tacky, inappropriate, and another opportunity to publicly reinforce to the unpopular kids that nobody likes them.

ban it because it's tacky

I wouldn't ban it to save children's feelings

I would ban it because they are a little too young to be brainwashed into thinking they have to make grand romantic gestures on this particular day.
Oh, and children this young do not need to proclaim their love in this fashion to each other
I wouldn't be happy if my childrern were forced to do this

A VERY good idea. At some point the more unattractive children will realise that nobody fancies them, the later a child discovers that, the better imo.

DS1 has come home with a Valentines card he made in class (he is Year 1), it is to DS2.

I was just gutted it wasn't to me (his school made Christmas card was to his brother as well).

I think at such a young age buying cards and sending them to other pupils is not right, but making them for family and being taught how nice it is to show people that you love them is a good thing.

Of course, if the school banned it because it was ridiculous commercial capitalist crap then I would agree with them.

To ban it is silly. A school would be better off just downplaying it, or not making it into an issue.

I have yhet to notice card giving for valentine's in DS's school. Perhaps some of the children exchange them, but it certainly isn't the majority and certainly not a big deal.

What the children give to each other, or make for each other (aren't most valentine's cards made by the children?) is up to them, not the school?

In my school there are often groups of kids making little badges, stickers, signs etc. for their secret clubs at breaktime and lunchtime. Some kids are left out, some kids aren't asked into the 'club' or whatever, but that is part of school life and good training for future life too.

DD's teacher has told them (Y6) that they are not allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends as they are too young, so woe betide anyone who dares to send a card!

If they were to send cards, one boy would be snowed under - he's NOT good looking but has a great personality

I'm not bothered one way or the other!

My lovely late dad always used to send me one when I was boarding / at college so that I never had to admit to never having a proper one. I always knew but never let on!

Sounds sensible to me.

Disenchanted3 - well, clearly yes, I know there are different typesof love. And yes, DD has made me cards when she was smaller at nursery, and they were cherished in that sense.

But I still wouldn't buy a card for DD to sed to her friends for Valentines. And I woul discourage her fom taking them to school too.

I agree at 5 and 6, etc it is harmless.

I suppose the issues are more when they are 10 or 11y - wen the feelings and hormones are running rife. And then I just think - keep it out of school.

Why does it have to be done in school though?

Keep it for after school if you think it's that crucial to your DCs developement.

Tee - Of course that's a good thing but if you are always the child that is excluded when possible it can have a huge effect on your whole life, needlessly IMO.

We live in the US and valentines day is celebrated enthusiastically and officially by the dcs' schools. There are special valentines craft activities, valentines snacks, ds has made a valentines mailbag... (he is 3). As a Brit I think it is silly but harmless. It's not seen as a romantic thing, it's about friendship. They are tying it in with a theme of acts of kindness. I think that by making it into a totally official school celebration it is easier for them to enforce policies that prevent kids from feeling excluded.

Our Infant school banned Christmas cards (it wasn't eco-friendly) so I doubt if there will be a big push to make V cards ...

Although I still remember feeling hurt, about 35 years later, when I didn't get a Valentine from everyone in my class in primary, I still don't think it should be banned.

So not everyone gets one? It didn't kill me to be hurt. And even though I still remember it, I don't think its a bad thing for people to learn at an early age that not everyone is the same or gets the same things.

When I was at primary school there was a Valentine's post box in the hall. Then on the 14th everyone sat round and cards were dished out. I was the only person who didn't get one. I was gutted and hurt even though I hadn't been expecting one.

About 30minutes later a boy came up to me and gave me a card which he says they'd found stuck at the bottom of the box. Now I know he was fibbing, I knew then he was fibbing. I'm, sure one of the teacher's told him to quickly make a card to try and save my feelings.

So I don't think its a bad idea to ban them. 25 years on and I still remember very clearly how awful I felt that day.

DD (8) has a crush on a boy in her school, he feels the same way. She's got him a card but I'll be discreetly giving it to his mum so she can give it to him. Mainly because they get teased enough about going round to each others houses for tea. I think the teasing about a card would be even worse.

My kids were once in a primary school where the rule was that you either sent cards to everyone (and they provided a class list to make sure no one was left out), or to no one.

I was a bit taken aback at first, but on thinking about it for a few minutes, I realised it was a good rule.

Thats because your adult brain connests Valentines with a kinky night/hotal stay/romantic meal.

An 8 year old sees pretty hearts, flowers and 'love' not automatically 'boyfriend' kind of love either.

My son will make a valentines card for me at nursery, he will be 3. It will be cherished because he made and and he loves me.

Theres many types of love, I would't take his card as a sign he fancies me, pmsl

My 7 year old DD makes a card or a picture for her "boyfriend" who reciprocates. However, they have been "boyfriend and girlfriend" since reception when they decided they were going to get married. Obviously I am not exactly an enormous fan of marriage and am hoping she is going to be the first lesbian Archbishop of Canterbury so this is not exactly encouraged by me.

However I can imagine that if lots of children were buying cards for each other it would be tedious and not really appropriate for school so I think that keeping it to outside school hours is fine.