Please tell us your thoughts on midwives for an upcoming meeting with the RCM

I'd also like to ask why homebirth was not mroe supported.

I wanted a homebirth but given I got through 4 stand up tanks of gas and air I was concerned that I would run out. The midwife said she'd only be bringing 20 mins worth and if I sucked too hard on it it would be used up within 10 minutes.

When I questioned this she said that homebirths were for people who wanted a natural birth without pain relief so they don't provide much.

most of the MWs i have had with both DS and DD were wonderful BUT

in hospital i was told by 2 MWs, DD's latch was fine when it wasn't and ended up with bleeding, blistered nipples

another i saw postnatally with DD was bloody awful (advised top ups when DD was 10 days old and other naff advice)

i rarely saw the same MW twice and both times in labour i had a MW i had never met before

both times, they were utterly AMAZING which is hugely lucky though

Lesley Angel you were an utter star and got me through a very quick and intense labour (i will never forget her name)

meant to say saw a few and only one of them twice

18 years ago my sister was seen by the same group of midwives consistently throughout her pregnancy with one main person who she saw most frequently, when labour started one of the midwives came to her and accompanied them to hospital, she did see her main midwife just after the baby was born and had the follow ups with her

for me I only saw 1 twice and on the first occasion I saw her her welcome was 'what are you doing here? you are supposed to go to the other clinic' during labour/ birth it was again a few different midwives, then for after care another one
there were some good some bad some in between
but it felt like sailing in rough seas with no idea where I was going
no reassurance no time to answer questions no continuity

sorry I realise I did not really answer your question will have a think

They need to remember that whilst the birth is one of many for them it is extraordinary for you- really once in a lifetime for this baby, this birth and respect the sacred nature of that.

Midwives also need to know that gentle birth is possible, they should be made to watch videos of normal calm gentle births (eg Birth as We know it, Birth Day, HypnoBirthing) to see that it is possible. They should be the guardians of the birth watching for signs of something not going as it should and helping the mother have confidence in her body unless there are indications otherwise. Midwives should not undermine confidence by believing that birth always is violent and in need of them doing something just because they are there.

Something has gone wrong with a system which lets anyone, let alone midwives (of all jobs) become deranged by the pressure of their job.

If people are not trained or supported properly it's a poor show. But if you don't have the correct disposition to start with, it's not going to be help. No-one makes anyone be a midwife. As I said bebfore IMO it is a vocation - i.e. only do it if you really want to.

I saw quite a few midwives, but that wasn't a problem for me as they were all kind and professional.

Midwives during the birth in a MLU were fantastic, and the immediate post-natal care in the MLU was wonderful. It made what could have been an awful experience really positive and memorable

But if I'm totally honest, I do resent the fact that those who opt for a home birth have a midwife with them all the time, and those who choose the MLU end up labouring alone for much of their labour. No wonder HBs end up with fewer interventions!

I got myself into a right state, and ended up quite out of it on pethidine. Actually, it was totally fine, but I know it might not have been.

But this is probably more of a policy point than something the RCM can influence.

Perhaps they start out kind but then go a bit mentally derranged with their pressures.

Because the service is so awful, they get a lot of abuse. I mean, if I had a c/s then I would be abusive to anyone who said that my dh couldn't stay with me overnight, because I KNOW that my painkillers will not be delivered on time and that my baby will be left to scream without me being able to get to it and given the choice between the two I'd rather kick up a stink and be a pita.

My cousin is a mw and she says she often gets kicked by labouring women too.

I have been lucky I think - only seeing a team of 3 mw's antenatally during both of my pregnancies.

Unfortuntaley, just before ds2 was born, 2 of the regular team went off on long term sick (back problems and a broken arm) which meant that postnatally I saw a diffeent mw each (rushed) visit. The did the bare minimum and were generally in and out in about 5 minutes.

Een thught I had bf ds1 sucessfully, I really did feel that more support and time with the mw's postnatally with ds2 would have done my confidence and mood the wold of good (I had borderline PND later on).

The things to me that make the difference are:

Time - being made to feel that you are not an inconvenience to them because things are going well, so they really don't need to waste their time with you (antenatally and postnatally).

Objective opinions based on up to date facts and research - eg regarding risks of VBAC, not having antenatal tests, physiological 3rd stage.

Continuity of care - throughout every stage. Pregnancy and birth is a stressful period of a womans (and their families) life. Being able to get to know and trust your mw can lessen this considerably.

Midvives should basically be kind people. If they have a tendency towards being uncaring, dismissive, rude, impatient or nasty please stay away from the profession. This is a vocation - character is so important.

I think I would almost rather have a kind, but slightly incompetent person caring for me when I feel lousy than a perfectly efficient and 100% academic one who is basically not a caring or nice person.

"thank you for shuffling my appointments to ensure I always saw YOU as you knew I had never had a constant m/w for the two previous pregnancies i wish I'd had you at the birth or at least seen you post natal "

The m/w who was with me throughout labour - you were one of the most calming people I have ever known. You knew when to listen to me knowing my own body, and when to give guidance

Antenatal MW appts - fairly good, never saw the same person twice though, so these meetings were brief and functional at a time when I needed reassurance and information.

Birth MW (MLU waterbirth) - just the one, bloody brilliant, took my birthplan seriously, picked up on my need for her to back off and let me get on with it as much as possible, can't fault her or the MLU at all. So glad to have had that choice.

Postnatal MW visit - well actually she was some kind of assistant - utterly dreadful. No idea about BF advice which I desperately needed (she told me a horror story about a baby "dying at the breast" because the mother didn't hold her breast away from the baby's nose - which was (a) clearly bollocks, and (b) not what I needed to hear in my already-neurotic baby-blues bleeding-nipples state), and she also woefully mishandled referring our DS back to hospital for jaundice (terrifying us with threats of brain damage). Complaints to the director of MW did get acted on and we saw someone subsequently who was much more qualified, knowledgeable and sane - but my suggestion more broadly would be that a first home visit, especially to women who've been discharged very soon after delivering and so haven't had support in hospital with e.g. BFing, should always be made by a fully qualified/experienced MW.

all the weird/bossy/rude midwives I met were on the postnatal ward. Do you think the hospital keep them specially in reserve?

And yes, the notes thing is weird. My first baby I had in hospital so I had a good nosy through the notes on the postnatal ward and very interesting they were too.

My second baby I had at home, and so the midwives took the notes off with them when they left. To this day I don't know some quite important stuff that would be useful to know for a third labour - like how long my second and third stage were, for eg.

Why is it policy to swap to postnatal notes after you're discharged from hospital I wonder? Why not keep it all in the same book?

Even though they must see litterally hundreds of women on a regular basis, its all new and VITALLY important to each and every one of us as individuals.

Having said that, if i could meet the midwife who was with me when i had my son, (i dont even know her name)I would like to tell her from the bottom of my heart that i could not have done it without her, she made it all alright from begining to end. She was amazing, and controlled, and calm and confident and kind and human, and just wonderful.
I think that i may have had post traumatic disorder as the birth was so horrific, i certainly put down my PND and difficulty with the 1st 3 years of my sons life down to the birth.
She is my shining light when i think about it.

Oh yes. Refusal of pain relief!! In my case it was because, acording to the midwife, "God intended women to bring their children into the world with suffering". Thanks. Just what an athiest needed

Also my experience, not uncommon amongst women who gave birth in my area, of being strapped to the monitors and not allowed to move because there weren't enough midwives to go around. Nor was I allowed to move. I desperatly wanted to roll onto my side and get up on my knees but I was forced onto my back and into stirrups.

These are just two of the reasons that I have only ever had one child.

I didn't have a problem with never seeing the same midwife twice during antenatal appts and during birth, as all 20 or so were lovely and fantastic yet practical. The fact that they didn't know when my next appt should be or where it should be (hospital or care of GP who contracted out to different GP surgery miles away for MW care, or the clinic on my road which I couldn't use because you had to be planning birth at a different hospital miles away) - that was a right pain and rather scary, especially when I was fainting at 19 weeks and didn't know what to do because I still hadn't had a booking appt. And more confusion about who should visit me after birth - turned out it was someone attached to other hospital, after MrNC made about 5 phone calls.

However like most people I know postnatal care at night was appalling - I was taken to the postnatal ward and thankfully told that my baby was about to leave special care to rejoin us. Day MW stayed late to introduce herself and tell me I would be getting my painkillers every 4 hours - nighttime staff were not in evidence except to tell us the midwives were busy if I rang the bell - it took over 24 hours to get my meds sorted out, so just as well none were needed to keep me alive... and I have no idea who these people were.

If it wasn't for the pair of cleaning staff who turned up at 3am (nurse assistants? Whatever you call people nowadays who wipe your backside and change sheets) I'd probably have full-blown PND and have had a lot more nightmares about the postnatal experience. The birth, even the bit involving my baby needing special care, couldn't have been handled better.

I've run NCT tea groups and gone to lots of local baby groups and pretty much every single person says the same - antenatal care pretty good, pernatal excellent if impersonal, postnatal shockingly bad. Like school choices, there's no point in pushing birth choices unless staff are in place to support them, and all options should be 'good enough'. And rude or dismissive staff shouldn't be dismissed just because 'they're agency' - why on earth are almost all night staff from an agency? It's not exactly unpredictable that a postnatal ward needs staff at night!

Oh yes, and let her have her notes back after the birth please. Some of us like to read about what has happened. To be told we're not allowed but can make an application in writing along with a £50 cheque, when the notes are about 6 foot away is appalling.

I was extremely lucky, it seems, to have had good MW care throughout my pregnancy and birth (by which I mean largely thoughtful, compassionate, well-informed, kind etc). So what I would say is: never underestimate the emotional impact on a client of everything you do. Every decision you make to listen (or not), deal with the individual's needs (or not), provide informed advice (or not), every word that comes out of your mouth when dealing with women going through an experience that affects them so completely - it all matters.

Refusal of pain relief was a big issue for me too. I think a woman in labour is in a better position to judge their own pain levels than a MW.

I spent 7 hours in absolute agony during an induced labour with a back-to-back baby because the MW refused to ask for an epidural on my behalf. She insisted I was only having twinges and refused to believe otherwise until she saw my baby's head crowning. This was my 3rd baby so it wasn't as if I was a first-timer with no experience.

I had four changes of midwife during my 15-hour labour in the JR Hospital, Oxford, which wasn't ideal. They were all kind and professional though and I was never left on my own for more than 5 minutes.

The one thing I'd change about my experience was the community midwife access after the birth - when I felt I needed it most. Midwife visits are crucial in helping with breastfeeding, plus I had a million other queries saved up for her each time, but she was awful, stayed around 7 minutes each time and was always complaining about how she had no time to fit all her work in, and taking calls throughout our talks. She only softened up (out of guilt) when she failed to turn up two days in a row in the first week, and forgot to do my baby's heel prick test.

Oh and to the Comm MW that I met at 12 weeks desperately ill with tireness, depression, sickness and heartburn. 'It is only going to get worse with backache and more severe heartburn' was not the right thing to say, and in any case you were wrong.

Echoing what others say above... which mw would that be?

I saw a different one every single appointment... of which there were many, having a heart condition that plays up in pg, including after the birth which was a c-section. Despite having a "dedicated, single mw" that is pretty poor imo- I saw her a grand total of twice- my booking appointment, and my 38 week appointment.

Oh, and she decided at my booking appointment to refer me to the Mental Health Specialist Midwife too... despite being completely recovered from depression for over 10 years FFS (depression which had absolutely no link to pg/childbirth/PND either)

She really didn't listen to a word I said...

The 2 midwives who have been present at the birth of my children were absolutely fantastic though (and that's not just the euphoria talking). Had a EMCS first time round which was utterly terrifying, not knowing if our baby was going to make it, and ELCS 2nd time- the mws in theatre with us each time were outstanding in the care and support they gave. (Though with first birth... that was my 4th mw during labour which in itself is utterly crap, because there's not much personal bonding going on there, is there?)

Continuity of care? What exactly do they mean by that, and when are women going to start receiving it?

Oh and MW no.2. I am overwhelmed that my birth pools was filled before my arrival and was ready and waiting. Made me relaxed the instant I arrived.

MW for firt birth: Why were you in a MLU when you thought you were supposed to tug the cord in a physiological 3rd stage and made me deliver on my back despite me telling you that it wasn't comfortable and I wanted to get up?

MW for second birth: Thank you for listening, and for reassuring me that my wierd birth plan was actually pretty standard in Germany.

I would love continuity of care both antenatally and in hospital but would settle for continuity of care antenatally only as this is where I felt I had least medical support.

One of my community midwives was quite old, worked part-time, and did not seem to be paying real attention to me, as she handed me notes from a previous unsuccessful pregnancy to include in my file - I was very upset about that. Generally it was hard to get midwife appointments antenatally, a few times I had to see a GP to keep up the schedule of appointments I'd been told to attend.

I have had 2 midwife-led unit water births and all of the hospital midwives were great - kind, friendly, professional - but it would have been nice to have had one in the room with us all the time, I was really surprised in my 1st labour to be basically left to get on with it until near the end, she checked in every 15 mins though once I was past 5 cm. In my 2nd labour I specified I'd be happy with a student midwife and was happy that she was able to spend more time with us.

I would have liked more support with breastfeeding when my 1st child was born, as it was a straightforward birth I spent very little time in hospital so felt a bit on my own with that side of things.