Please tell us your thoughts on midwives for an upcoming meeting with the RCM

In our area we are supposed to have our own Community Midwife, which I did have for my first two births. But on my third, my midwife went off sick and so then I was nobody's. I would actually have preferred to have no personal midwife than nominally have one who wasn't there because all the other midwives who I had to see instead treated me as an imposition.

If the locum midwife's weekly clinic was full, I had to beg someone to come out and do a home visit. At which point I was told off for not having arranged my appointment early enough (which is illogical because someone has to miss out unless people are making unnecessary appointments).

All of this would have been inconvenient but not awful except that I have had a fairly rough time obstetrically. My first baby was stillborn at full term. Because of this, my midwife has always said that they will come out any time as an extra to reassure me if I need it. Additionally DC3 had an unrelated congenital condition that could have killed him in utero (thankfully he is fine) so I was mega stressed. I never actually asked for any extra appointments (well I did towards the end, I left a message on the MWs central answerphone in tears but no-one called back) but even the routine stuff, because it was all a bit unusual I was tutted at and told off for.

All of this ramble is the background to two points:

1. There needs to be backup when providing a personal service, because if your midwife is on long term sick for the duration of antenatal care then my experience was there was no scope at all for getting my personal needs and concerns addressed.

2. Please can midwives actually read the notes just a little before leaping in? My notes had three separate high risk pregnancy alert stickers on, and the little butterfly they put on in our area to signify a previous loss, but no-one looked at the notes before telling me off for asking for basic antenatal care. I assume this was down to carelessness rather than a deliberate lack of tact but it was very hurtful. And PLEASE check for a butterfly before chattily asking how many children I have (or worse checking the parity, not noticing the "SB" and merrily asking where the other two are)

Since someone else has named their midwife, can I say to the RCM, go and find Maisie the HV at Falcon Road surgery in Battersea. I know she's an HV but your members could learn SO MUCH from her. I would never have managed to b/f ds without her practical and emotional support.

I'd say to my midwife: you were so amazing and I know made birth something very special for us and

I am sorry that you could not continue to do such a fantastic job within the NHS and therefore left.

I would like to know, as well, why some midwives are tolerated, whose manner and lack of caring and dogged mistrust of the birth process affects the future mental health (and sometimes physical health) of so many women. Who is letting this happen?

I would say Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, to the fantastic MW at LGI in Leeds who helped me achieve my VBA2C and who was as hands off as she could possibly be and who helped me get out of my t-shirt when DS2 was being delivered via forceps in order that I could have immediate skin to skin and who convinced the theatre staff to dim the lights and have music playing to help me achieve the birth I wanted, even if it did end up in theatre. She then fought my corner regarding my DS's low blood sugar four hours after his birth. Paeds were urging me to give formula or at the very best express, even though he had been in skin to skin with me and feeding well and they couldn't tell us what a normal blood sugar level in a healthy term infant should be, only that his was too low. MW got them to agree to recheck in a few hours and then again a few hours later. She also fought my corner regarding BFing and taking anti-depressants when the paed was telling me I couldn't BF and take ADs at the same time and listened to me howling about failing to have a natural delivery and made me see that I had achieved 90% of my natural delivery which after 2 CS's is no mean feat. She also stayed on after her shift to see us safely delivered to the transitinal care ward where we were put because of DS's low blood sugar and my anaemia.

I'd also like to say a big Thank You to the post-natal night MW at St Jame's in Leeds who helped me get BFing off to a roaring start with DD and who kept checking in on me to make sure we were doing OK (I was in a side room due to having had a section and the day staff pretty much ignored us) and admonishing me for not calling her to help with getting DD out of the cot and latched on well.

On the downside; I would like to say a small BOO to my CMW who assumed I would be booking in for another section and who told me that I would "never be allowed" to attempt a natural delivery. I felt that she kind of washed her hands of me at that point (my booking appointment!) and felt that she wasn't as supportive of me with that pregnancy as she had been when I had my DD 18 months previously...

...and a big BOO to the nursery nurse on the transitional care ward who, when watching me struggle to get DS2 latched on, asked me if I wanted a bottle of formula

My sister had her first baby in hospital in August. She breastfed her within the first hour at 7am (does that allow them to tick a box?) and was then ignored in the ward until 6pm.She and baby slept all day. She was offered no pain relief until 9am the next day. She got herself discharged and went home. on day 2 the CMW arrived and INSISTED the baby needed formula and advised my sister to use a nipple shield( thus cutting down the contact between baby and breast completely). The day after, I arrived just as the CMW was hosing formula into baby,while hubby stood panicking and poor sister, exposed and humiliated sat there trying to express milk to prove she had some.

"Some women just don't have any milk" quote.

She was given no advise about breastfeeding what-so-ever. Thankfully with the help of the NCT and me stepping in as maternity nurse for a couple of days she is still breastfeeding and baby is thriving.

So,staffing levels in hospitals need to be increased so that new mums get the support they need both for themselves and with feeding.
There needs to be a calm and consistent approach to helping with early feeds. The "breastfeeding friendly hospital" title requires a lot more than a few tatty posters.

I also think that there needs to be a realisation that breastfed babies will lose more weight, milk doesn't come in properly for a few days and no midwife should be advocating indiscriminate use of formula before trying ways to improve breastfeeding.

P.S. I had two of my three at home, wonderful care,fantastic staff,but I know my sisters experience is not uncommon where she lives.

Most of the MWs I saw were lovely lovely lovely, and pretty pro-birth.

I moved house at 36 weeks:

• The new CMW couldn't fit me in for a routine appt for four weeks i.e. after the due date!

• The senior MW who came to my house was a cat-bum-faced Can't-Do sort of person - just reeled off that reasons why I might not get my home birth (staff shortages, dontcha know), that I couldn't have a water birth unless experienced staff were available, that I couldn't have a third stage in water, etc. She made me feel scared for the first time in my whole pregnancy, although mostly I was terrified she would have to attend the birth!

• The two who were at the birth were fantastic - both sort of middle-aged and experienced, but one was particularly excellent and confident. She noticed that although I was past explaining myself, I was probably in transition and not able to get out of the birth pool, walk upstairs to empty my bladder and lie back for an exam! and that although I wasn't pushing, it was because my body was doing all the pushing by itself. The other was a bit more nervous and unsure of what was going on, so thank goodness for her.

I would definitely like to have an Independent MW or at least a doula next time, for continuity of care and to know that by the time the birth comes I will definitely have someone with me who understands me.

Just another vote for improving post natal care on the ward (I had my babies at Bolton Royal Infirmary)

I had two c- sections, both times I was still immobile when the night staff came on duty.

Both times there was one midwife and one auxillary nurse caring for between 16 and 25 women. The staff were exhausted and very grumpy. Asking them to pass you a crying hungry baby whose cot had been pushed out of reach was apparently an imposition. I was left in dirty bedding and nightclothes for over 12 hours.... and I remember crying when my DH and family left in the evenings. Those of us who had been there for more than a couple of days would end up helping the night staff out, pressing buzzers and holding babies for the other mums.

But, on the otherhand.

• midwives in theatre were brilliant
• midwives pre-natally were brilliant
• midwives on the ward had to deal with some extremely stroppy and unreasonable mums "but why can't we smoke in here?" "I don't want to bath IT, can't you do it?" etc etc...

What is the RCM going to do about the fact that Maternity Matters has not been met and only another 20 days till end of 2009 when its meant to be met? One to one care in labour? Bloody joke!

I had a lovely MW antenatally at my surgery and generally saw her each time, there is only one other there.

Unfortunately after both my births I saw her and a load of others at home.

My DS1 was induced and when I eventually arrived on the postnatal ward at 2am I was told my DH would have to say goodbye at the door. I was awake all night trying to feed him, even though I'd tried immediately I was told I could try on the ward (nearly 4 hrs later, so much for feed them in the 1st hr if you can). But I couldn't see in the dark and couldn't move to turn on the light. I was told to get some to take me to the loo because of my epidural, but when I got someone's attention she walked infront of me and pointed 'it's over there' and went back to the cubby hole they seem to hide in. I asked to go home when they came round asking if I wanted painkillers at 9am. But didn't get out til 2pm, it was a busy ward, I was the 8th person she'd discharged, I wish she'd told me at 9am and I wouldn't have paced the corridor all morning seeing the ward empty.

After that I had a different MW each day at home, the 1st one arriving at 9am and telling my DH putting his thumb in DS1's mouth was as bad as giving him a dummy. I didn't have the strength to say we'll give him a dummy if we want. So loads of differing advice and only any good BF advice when HV arrived at 10days postnatal and I had a open wound cracked nipple which I hand expressed for the first 3 weeks.

DS2 was DIY home birth so at least I didn't have to endure the hospital MWs, but still had at least 4 different ones visit me in the 1st 6 days. Eventually my lovely surgery one (poor timing bank holiday weekend plus she'd been to a conference) who knew how worried about BFing I was. And she did follow up phone calls even when I was in hands of the HV.

So I would like to say to the RCM we women do need a proper listening ear and the same one. Having to go through the story time and time again is a waste of time (and money) before receiving yet another different opinion.

Midwife counsellor saved my sanity - being able to phone in tears and panic after losing dd1 and during pg with dd2 just wonderful.

Midwives in EPU when I had a molar pg were brilliant, and also when I found out I was pg with ds "oh, come in tomorrow - you'll be wanting a scan"

Midwife who delivered dd1 (anencephaly), sat and held my hand, told me how beautiful she was, found a camp bed and scrubs so dh could sleep next to me, and then came to find us when dd2 was born, to give us hugs.

Midwife who delivered dd2 (with consultant) - brilliant, calm friendly woman; she and doctor worked wonderfully well together - two professionals respecting each other.

These were all in hospital - much more mixed bag with community midwives for me; some great, some not so much. One or two bonkers ones in hosp, including the one who measured my BMI at 34 weeks with dd2, sucked her teeth, muttered darkly, and then asked me why I was crying.

Midwife when I went into labour with ds not so great - didn't really listen to me, tried to tell me consultant was on holiday (thankfully I had an appt with him that very morning...) and then didn't realise I'd gone into transition, necessitating a rushed trip to labour suite. BUT she got me there safely and in plenty of time, and they were madly busy, and the triage ward was temporary.

I seem to have had either fantastic midwives, or awful ones. None were just 'OK'. And there were far more fantastic midwives than awful ones.

What was special about the fantastic midwives?

They listened to me.
They trusted my ability to decide for myself.
They treated me with respect.
They were flexible.
They were patient.
They were gentle.

What made the awful ones so bad?

They had their own agendas.
They made unnecessary demands of me.
They expected me to accommodate them.
They labeled me, so that others struggled to see past the label.
They were rough (or at least ungentle).
They ignored me to my face.

The biggest improvement to midwifery that I could suggest, would be to have more midwives. How can people be expected to perform to their best abilities, when they are constantly overloaded? When they are so dependant upon monitoring, that it replaces their observational skills and their relationship with the labouring woman? When they are under pressure to process births so that the next one can happen?

For many women continuity of care is important, but that cannot happen until there are enough midwives. For me it is not important to know the midwife, what is important is not to have to go through my history over and over again during labour, because so many midwives have to hand me over to someone else as each of them is taking care of too many women.

To the team of midwives who were responsible during my first labour: You were all lovely but I should not have been left to labour alone for so long. I don't think I would have haemorrhaged had you paid more attention earlier.

To the midwife who arrived for the final stage: You shouldn't have shouted at me to push. You especially shouldn't have shouted at me to push while the doctor was trying to examine me. You shouldn't have tried to top up the epidural after the doctor had expressly said it shouldn't be topped up. You should have helped me to start breastfeeding after delivery, rather than telling me you were too busy with paperwork.

To the midwife on the postnatal ward: If you are going to tell women that they shouldn't go home yet because they don't know anything and won't cope, that might be excusable if you were in fact imparting any knowledge rather than just turning up occasionally and making undermining comments. Oh, and when asking whether breastfeeding is going well, it's probably best not to look astonished when told that it is fine, and respond: 'Really?? but you have such flat nipples!'

To the head of the team of midwives who I saw to talk through my notes when I was pregnant with my second child: Promises of better support for the next labour would be more believable if you were able to find my notes and turn up with them to a meeting arranged a month in advance. And if you returned any of my phone calls subsequently.

In contrast, to the midwife of my second labour (at a private hospital) I would like to say thank you for always saying exactly the right thing at the right time when I was losing confidence, for suggesting exactly the right changes of position, the right times to get in and out of the birthing pool, for massaging me, for your warmth and enthusiasm and for never leaving the room. I cannot imagine a person doing a better job.

I wish mine had had more time for me, in both pregnancies and that they were more open to homebirths as I had such a horrific hospital birth last time. I wish they'd had the time and patience to listen to my concerns (cousin died postnatally and sister was 2 hours from death with HELLP syndrome the week before I gave birth and she delievered twins at 28 weeks) but they told me to 'stop being silly'. I also wish they had had the opportunity to give me an epidural when I needed one. The worst thing was that because they were overworked, they insisted my waters hadn't broken and didn't even investigate them when they had turned green and I started bleeding. I had to absolutely insist they did something and when they scanned, I was right, my waters had gone.

I felt very let down, confused, stressed and I got PND.

Our hospital specifically needs more money putting into the maternity and labour wards and the children's ward (where DS ended up thanks to the negligence of the midwives). I want to know why they are not putting more money into making an essential experience a positive one.

I would like to say that having a supportive, educated, pro-natural home birth community led midwifery team makes for a fantastic pregnancy.

Having a hospital consultancy team who refuse point blank to listen to a woman who is intimately in touch with her own body and pregnancy and to use scare tactics to try to stick to hospital guidelines is just ridiculous. Get rid of the 'one size fits all' approach, please, hospital teams.

And to the CLU midwife who delivered me - thank you for being so utterly unobtrusive and allowing me to labour in my own way, despite being hooked up to machines left right and centre.

To the RCM - find Lyn Smith in Lower Gwendraeth Team - clone her, then clone some more and then reward the original beyond her wildest dreams. Failing that - listen to anything and everything she can think of to improve midwifery standards to her standards. Seriously, spend an hour to figure out how she, and the whole team operates and you need never research this any further.

I would say "thank you" to the midwife who told me "this baby will be a breast fed baby" - and sorted me out good and proper with the breastfeeding after I had given one top up in the middle of the night in hospital.

I would say "thank you" to the midwife who stayed past the end of her shift to deliver DD after reading my notes from my first delivery and telling me that we wouldn't be doing that again.

And I woul kiss my community midwife who counselled me through my terror of delivery following a traumatic first delivery and an even more traumatic miscarriage.

"However, if every midwife could make an effort to say one kind or reassuring thing to each woman they work with, I believe this would improve care immeasurably and cost nothing."

Peabody this is so true. Reading this thread, I realise even more how lucky I was to receive good, kind, compassionate care from more or less every midwife I saw throughout my pregnancy, birth and postnatal period. But it shouldn't be that way - that shouldn't be a 'lucky' experience, it should be standard!

As an example of the small things that make a huge, immeasurable difference: on my second night post-birth, in St Mary's MLU, Melton, I called the mw in tears for what seemed like the fiftieth time. DP had long since gone home, I was in agony front and back with stitches and piles so couldn't sit, I hadn't been able to eat anything much all day due to the pain and DS was screaming for food. The lovely lady who answered my bell listened to me sobbing about how I wanted to feed my baby but I couldn't sit up and was exhausted and didn't know what to do; then she folded back the bedclothes, put DS in the bed next to me, showed me how to latch him on while lying down and reassured me that he would be warm enough and that she'd check on us all through the night to make sure he was safe. She told me to get some rest and I did, with my baby snuggled next to me.

Her kindness didn't just get us through the night: it made me feel confident that I could do this and that I would be supported if I needed help. It made all the difference to us. To that mw: I didn't know your name, but I'll never forget you, thank you so much

I'd just like to say to the midwife who told me to be quiet when I squealed just once when the pain became overwhelming - "No - You Shut Up!" A bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss. I also didn't appreciate her talking over me to my husband and cracking jokes with him while ignoring me.

Oh, I forgot one more thank you.

When I got the notes back from my first labour and delivery, the midwife in the MLU had written "excellent maternal effort" as her comment on the second stage. My baby was completely stuck, and I had ended up in the CLU with a consultant who treated me like a silly girl who had wimped out of delivering naturally. I was in a complete state about the delivery for months afterwards, and felt like an utter failure, but her comment gave me a lot of comfort - the was someone who had seen how hard I tried, and had appreciated it.

It didn't cost any money, and must have only taken her a few seconds, but it meant a great deal to me.

first time round midwife "try to seem a little more interested in me as a person in your care instead of just going through the routine without as much of a smile on most checkups, midwives when i gave birth, amazing although i felt they were very pushy with pain relief and kept letting me know it is available.
second time round AMAZING midwife throughout who i got to see at EVERY appointment and she made sure she was there for postnatal visit on one occasion and went out of her way to come and do my discharge visit so THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU, midwives when giving birth the second time just as amazing as my main midwife and let me do everything my way at my speed ect and were just generally lovely. All i would change second time would be to have my main midwife at the birth!

It wasn't acceptable to me or for the care of my baby that I saw a different midwife every 8 hour shift for the entire 8 days I was in hospital. That I had to explain myself again and again to each one. It was wasn't acceptable to not have practical support to care for my baby when I hadn't actually slept at all for days and was demented with turedness to be told that my husband couldn't come on the ward and feed my baby when I felt like collapsing. Chelsea and Westminter's neo tayloristic work system are deplorable. The NHS needs to change.

I would like to say the the CM's i had were brilliant. I had a group of 4 who were always readily available, one of which was my own - as it were - who followed me through the whole process and she was fab. The best bit was shortly after my booking in apointment when I had a call to say that they felt they hadn't been enthusiatic (sp?) enough about my choice to have a home bith and they wanted to let me know they were 100% behind me all the way. They never questioned my desc and my midwife was there for me when things got messy at the end and I ended up going in for scans and cs due to DD being breech.

Have got to say though scanning through everyone elses posts, I do also feel that the midwives in hospital, although mostly brilliant did give lots of conflicting advice. Either way it's not an experiance I'll be repeating!

To the midwife on my ward when I was in for induction:

You CANNOT tell just by looking at a woman whether or not she is in labour.

You HAVE to stick your hand up her fanjo and have a rootle about.

Thank you.

starlight that is what happened to me. when i had my debriefing half the things that had happened were missing out the notes. lucky for me i had 2 birthing partners who have became my witnesses as i have taken legal action about my birth botch up.