Young people and alcohol. Advice, tips and opinions needed

We have a very French approach to alcohol. The children (aged 9 and 5) see us drinking wine during a meal, they've accompanied us to pubs and no doubt they've seen us tipsy.

I don't want to paint alcohol as this big bad thing because that just makes it more desirable to them as they get older. Instead, we believe that if they see us drinking sensibly and in social situations, that's the attitude they'll learn.

Both of mine have asked about alcohol and I've told them both the good sides and the bad sides. They know that alcohol can trigger violence.

The biggest lesson they received on that - I think it stuck with dd more - was when our best friend lost the sight in his eye due to his friend being pissed up and aggressive.

We actually spent New Year with our best friend and this other friend we'll call D. He was great with the kids, seemed very relaxed, chilled and laid back. When dd found out that it was him who had caused the damage she was really shocked. That taught her more about the bad side of alcohol than I could have done.

I would never ever supply teens with alcohol. Once my kids are that age, if they are going to a party where alcohol is served, tbh I would probably have a word with the friend's parents to voice my unhappiness that teens are being encouraged to drink. I wouldn't stop my kids from going, but I would pick them up afterwards and ensure they are safe.

No teen would be allowed in my house with alcohol. My house - my rules.

I would like to teach my kids about drinking as part of a family. With a meal where everyone is chatting and the wine is part of that.

At Christmas dd will probably get a small glass of fizzy as a treat. Because I think that if you ban it altogether, again it makes it more desirable.

In France teenagers drink with their family. They don't tend to hang around on street corners getting pissed. When I taught in a French secondary they all seemed puzzled that British teenagers had this attitude to alcohol, they had no respect for our culture because of it. It's that attitude I want my kids to have. Difficult in this country I know.

Above all, I want to be firm but fair. I don't want to be a hypocrite.

The u is sticky on here so the s should be Us sorry xx

please don't use this topic an yet ANOTHER was of using the govt agenda through schools. Let the schools teach.

if you want to change parenting culture please invest in universal parenting classes.

My ds is 15 will be 16 next spring.He does drink a few beers at parties I myself have bought these on occasion.he has never been drunk as such and we have never had to go and get him etc or seen him unwell or hungover from it.ALL teenagers in his circle indulge and girls seem to be worse in terms of getting really drunk and drinking regularly.At home he wold never touch it much prefers juice.Tbh the reporting in the tabloids is nothing that I or he have experienced and I am much more concerned about drugs as there has been a fatality at a party local to s this weekend .I think it is inevitable they will have an episode its a bit of a given but keeping the lines of communication open and not getting too hysterical have worked for s so far.

20yr old and twins aged 16.

I know from my own experiences and also from the experiences of my peers ( working class mostly) that when we were teenagers we were buying cider and getting drunk at a weekend.

I know from all the teenagers ( friends of my teens) that i know - that this is the norm.

I know that if i didn't foster an open relationship with my children, that they would get drunk in the wrong place at the wrong time, they would NOT phone me for fear of reprisals and they could end up seriously injured or dead.

i believe the age that teens get into this thing where i live ( and this may vary regionally) is 15.

I know that my teens were going to parties at this age, i knew that alcohol would be there - becuase they told me. They felt secure in doing so.

?If your child comes home drunk
If my child came home drunk aged 15 i would put him/her to bed with a carrier bag at the side of them so they don't puke on the carpet.

?If your child asks about alcohol at dinner etc
Think this is a middle class thing. We don't drink during the week. ergo the children do not know this as a lifestyle choice. They have had a glass on NYE natch.

?If your child is going to a party and you think there might be alcohol there.
as previously mentioned, i hope i have fostered a safe environment where my children can tell me these things honestly.

what i can do is rather than bury my head in the sand thinking MY precious children would NEVER do this kind of thing, that it is a stage that a lot of teens go through - so i have to manage this situation in the best possible way to ensure their safety.

if there is a parrty - i need to know where it is
who will be attending
i need to drop them off at the location
i need to pick them up from location.
i need then to be safe in the knowledge that they can ring me if they get into any trouble.

?If your child is going out and asks to take alcohol with them.
Not my alcohol - it's mine. So how are they going to buy it if i don't?

?If your child has friends round and they bring alcohol with them.
Not a scenario i have had. However i would ask friend if it's ok to ring parents to check that they know that they are drinking alcohol.

If an older sibling gives your younger child alcohol.
again not a scenario that i have had. but if older sibling were in my house - given the open upbringing, i assume they would ask me first anyway.

?If your child sees you drunk / asks about your drinking.

DH and i only go out to drink once a fortnight ( and not even that at the mo)
we go out, we get drunk. the kids have seen this and accepted this as a norm for us as parents ( whether that is a good or bad thing is another question)

?How to supervise your child if they choose to drink

as previously mentioned, i think my role is to 'manage' this as best i can to ensure their safety. communication is key, knowing whee they are who they are with telephone numbers and picking them up.dropping them off.

Going to secondary school (as by age 13 most young people have tried alcohol)

i can assure you that my teenagers were not geting shitfaced at 13! - a glass on NYE

whether nature or nurture - my kids did not rage against the parental machine until they were 14, by the time they are 15, i knew that it was pretty much inevitable so as a parent i do everything i can to minimise their risk.

I firmly believe that it is as easy to get hold of cannabis and i hold no truck with drugs. I dispise cannabis with my very being ( personal experience) and i mention this as alcohol and drugs are mixed.

The twins found out that a couple of days ago TWO aquaintences ( friends of friends who they ocasionally hung out with) BOTH died aged 16 becuase they OD on Ketomine.

This shocked them very much. DD cried. It brings home their own mortality. They think they are bullet proof - that only old people ( aged 30 and above!) die.

this gave me a great 'in' to tell them how much they mean to me, how precious they are and how i would be 'broken' if anything happened to them. Reinforcing what i have always said, i continued to tell them - that things like this are the reason i need to know where they are and what they are doing.

i do believe that authoritarianism is the way to go until aged 14 - when they start raging against you as the parent - instead of saying to yourself that your child would never.... I firmly believe its about accepting what is and managing that scenario

also - TOUGHER SANCTIONS MR BALLS. for those off licences that sell to minors. Yes there are sanctions in place - but do you know how far councils are willing to let shopkeepers take the piss until their licenses are revoked?

THIS is what needs addressing.

whilst one can get somone older to nip into Tesco - my own experiences tell me that most teenagers wait outside the local 'offy' and wait for someone to buy it for them.

whilst i have been asked - i always say no. However it can be intimidating.

Buying for minors by proxy should be looked at v. seriously. The laws and policies already in place should be acted upon quickly and promptly. Off licences should be held accountable. being small businesses, they should be frightened of losing their livleyhood. In reality - they clearly are not.

DD 15 is allowed to have some alcohol at home under supervision as and when she asks which is approx once every two months. She has been allowed this since she was 13.

She has never been drunk. She was allowed more that usual at a party last Christmas but stopped when she started feeling the effects.

If alcohol is available at an occasional party she goes to with her friends, she will have no more than two drinks.

She has seen me very drunk once or twice and finds it embarrassing. She also questions my drinking if I go over the usual few glasses of wine at the weekend. I tell her I use it to relax.

By her age I had probably been very drunk to the point of collapsing several times. I point out the dangers of having too much alcohol. I tell her to look after her friends on a night out etc, as I think this is the main danger for young girls drinking, that they are carried away with no-one looking out for them.

Hope this is useful.

Wow. Massive subject.

DS1 is 17, will be 18 early next year.

DS2 is 14, will be 15 early next year.

DS1 has a reasonable social life; DS2 has none (horrible, recent fall out with friends)

DS1's social life is fairly limited - band practice, going into town (London) during the day at the weekends, occasional curries in Brick Lane.

I know that he drinks occasionally, (Indian restaurant in Brick Lane provides a bottle of red wine along with said curry), but he doesn't go to parties, and has told me that he things the whole 'drinking to get drunk' culture is stupid.

He has been seriously drunk once, and that was at our house, at a New Year's Eve party, about two years ago. He had asked if he and his friends could have a drink. I agreed; I hadn't, though, expected that they would then 'sneak' drinks all evening. The point at which I realised he was drunk was very late on in the evening. I took him upstairs and made him drink some water - which made him sick. He hated that, and he hated the hangover the next day. I know that this was an important lesson, as I saw a text he sent to a friend, in which he said he never wanted to feel like that again.

I am under no illusions that he will not do it again (how many times do we vow 'never again'?!), but I do think it was a useful lesson, even if it was not one that I would have planned.

DS2 has had the odd drink, but nothing more than this - at least to my knowledge.

adn from court natch - is ALWAYS an issue.
but they woudl have to phone me
am tired.

i taught it for a term if they are interested - kids sick of exaggeration and being lied to - a bit liek sex ed and STD fear.
can cope wiht typing it all out here...