Ban dads from the birth? Your thoughts please!

I would not have been able to have my homebirths with my boys without my DH being there cheerign me on, telling me that each contraction was nearly over. He knows me, he knows what annoys me and what motivates me. He was brilliant.

HOWEVER,
my friend has had 4 homebirths wothout her husband in attendance - by mutual choice, he felt he couldn't be there and she didn't want him there because he would distract her from focussing on the job in hand.

it HAS to be up to the individual couples, no one else.

I think it's just as damaging to suggest that fathers 'should' be there. There is sometimes a whiff of burning martyr on MN (and elsewhere). If I'm suffering so much I want DH to witness it

I think it's not a question of 'should'. However my DH was largely about as much use as a chocolate teapot. I'd have done as well on my own - and I wouldn't have been bothered by how bored/upset/worried he was/ First time round I went in too early and the first stages were dull - we did the crossword together! But once things got interesting I hardly noticed he was there. Second and third times I was in control and I didn't need anyone TBH. I was centred on me and the baby. He was a distraction.

However I think he'd have missed out on the first special moments.

And I'd never have managed the first few weeks without him. That was when he was essential.

Mine can't even take dd for a jab.....go figure what kind of mess he'd have made in the delivery room.
I gave birth in Italy and in the hospital I was in there was never any question of him being present. They would have allowed the wicked witch MIL to be present though
Down to the individual at the end of the day.

Husbands should have the choice and shouldn't be prescribed a role ....

I had a relatively easy time and if I was in difficulty, I would be comforted to know that my DH was there to fight my corner. I believe that professionals don't always know what is right.

I meant my DH not my ds! God, pregnancy-porridge-brain strikes again.

Down to the individual entirely. I don't think anyone should be made to feel they must be there or have someone there.

I didn't mind my ds being at the births of my dcs. He's no trouble, he's just not any use either which isn't his fault really. He just reads his book, eats mars bars and says a few encouraging words every now and then. That's fine by me and he'd like to be there so cool.

If he were a panicker however, I'd really not want him around. As it is, he's a like solid, calm presence in the background.

Sometimes, I do think I'd like to do it all by myself, quietly and privately but I don't mind really if it's just DH and a mw.

It's only a generation ago that women managed to get their DPs allowed to attend!

I don't think it should be a matter of banning them - if my DH hadn't been there, I would probably have had no-one apart from the medical staff with me, and I don't think that would have improved the experience for me.

But I think every couple should feel that they genuinely have the choice - for some, maybe they feel forced to have DP there, and/or DP feels he can't suggest he'd rather not, since it's gone so far now towards expecting them to be there.

My husband wasn't hovering whitefaced nearby he was stood next to me physically supporting me as well as being my absolute rock. I would have hate to have done it without him.
He also wanted to be there and his original plans of being at the head end only went out the window and curiosity got the better of him.
I don't think faster labours in my case would have been better, I think too fast can be very scary an stressful.
Oh and it hasn't had an impact on our sex life, we have 4 children!

Surely its a case by case thing.

what an awful thought, I can't imagine how I would have coped with out dh. both times something went wrong.
surely at the end of the day it should be up to the couple.

Oh it's like everything in childbirth, it's about free, rational and personal choice. No should about it.

Like they would ever be able to ban it :D

It's not about whether they should be, it's surely about if they want to be or if the mum wants them to be.