what do you imagine I look like...

I'll come back and do some this evening- my head hurts

oh do me, do me!!

Very good LadyThompson that's hilarious... if only coral pink was my colour. But your bang on cue with the ex goth thing!! Very funny indeed. You should mke a living out of this sort of thing

Ooh -do me!!!

Unconsciously, perhaps. My mind is a junk shop.

hilarious.

I do give rather a lot of sex advice... I wonder if I could make a career of it???

Hey, have you just described Barbara Streisand's character in Meet the Fockers??!!!

Oregonian is an sex therapist of some note, having left America for good in the 1980s and married a Jungian psychotherapist called Walton Gladwell III, both of whom practise on the ground floor of their redbrick house in Belsize Pk. Big bosomed and easy talking, she helps uptight banker's wives find their whistles and bells with the help of a dental mirror, some KY jelly and some Eastern themed chillout music. Fond of charm bracelets, has a teenager daughter called Skye.

Yes they have, MR, about three pages back.

I feel like one of those five quid caricaturists on Brighton pier. Rrrrrrright Oregonian:

Is it too late to get 'done'?

LadyT, anyone done you yet?

fuck me, that is uncanny!

Mollyroger is in fact a 5ft, teeny tiny powerhouse of a junior school teacher. Her dog is called Molly and her husband, a cool 6ft 4, is called Roger. They are both into sailing and she has a penchant for wearing crisp white sports shorts to school in the summer. When people stare at her she twinkles to herself as she thinks they are admiring her cute little knees, when in actual fact they are wondering how it works when her and Rog get it on.

Upagumtree is a Peterborough based ex-goth turned local Slimmer of the Year. Her scrofulous teenage sons were pictured in the Peterborough Gazette, each posing resentfully in one leg of her giant old bags, as she size twelved it in a coral pink cocktail frock and slimmer's sash. Bucked by her success, she is currently taking a correspondence course in Nail Art with the University of Kettering.

ohhh now that is scary - my boss is called Johannes (and not spunky at all). I wish that was my job though

These are very good - v.funny thread

LouLoves does, in fact, like jelly, but it's not aeroplane shaped, it's willy shaped, as she is the director of a multi-national sex toys company. She is twenty six and is married to Johannes, whom she met whilst waterskiing in Bognor Regis. She was testing a new design of wetsuit at the time and saved him from probable death when her skis had knocked him unconscious.

She has houses in Dubai, Venice and Basingstoke and likes nothing better than curling up with Johannes and their eight cats. She always wears one purple earring and is very mysterious about its provenance, saying only that if she doesn't wear it, her company and therfore her life will collapse.

My turn pleeaasssseeee! Pretty please?

Trillian- can you see my house?!? You are spookily correct (well, fifty percent, anyway- and I'm not saying which 50 it is....)

And me...

Clue: I do not have a wooden leg. Or an eyepatch.

wow those are both great!
LMAO!
but nothing like me apart from the mum at 24 bit

oh oh oh me too please!

PRSB has, in fact, plump baps and a soggy rump, but it is only soggy because her DS is learning to use a big boy cup for his juice and has thrown it over the sofa again to be sat on.

(sorry I know that's not a real one)

Oh please do me!!

Ihavenewsockson is the surprised mother of twin boys at 24, maker of her own bath bombs and lover of American cop dramas. Living in a large rented house in Bradford now, having drifted there following her Modern Languages degree at Leeds, she is active in local politics and slightly disillusioned with her DP who, after studying Social Policy, is now working as a Marketing Officer for a phone directory, whose offices are based in Ilkley. He used to enjoy doing the Guardian Weekend crossword with her on a Saturday over veggie breakfasts at the local pub with the twins snoozing in their double buggy, but has reverted to type and has started wanting to watch Soccer Saturday in bed. She can't complain too much as his parents are loaded and live in Harrogate, and sub the pair of them to the tune of a grand a month.