Mumsnet - please can you sort out all the Jade posts?

actually no one knows what happened to MM, it is still possible the parents did have something to do with it, just as it's equally possible they are 100% innocent. I think they did sell themselves in the same way Jade did (opening a fund which paid some mortgage payments if media were to be believed) I had no time for the McGanns or Jade Goody but I can still have empathy for them

Jade wouldn't still be news if parts of the general public didn't want to read about her. Obviously, some people did.

yes, sorry, just saw that. i didn't recognise the name so my eye kinda skimmed it, apologies.

The worst thing about all of this is that it isn't really about her at all.She has been so ill for weeks that I'm sure she had little to do with all the fuss.What I do dislike is the ridiculous way this country deals with things like this post Diana.The flower laying the crying in teh streets big funerals already being referred to as a 'production' Most sane people don't really care what they do

Aitch - I just did post the name

4 minutes before you posted.

ahundredtimes - I have said in my post that I thought the person who talked about her treatement wasn't particularly out of order as i do agree her treatment was aggressive and it's fair enough to say that it may have sped up her bad health. Cancer treatments do that.

I do think that posting it in that particular thread was a bit misplaced.

The talking about the treatment thing didn't seem so bad compared to the other comments which were made and which I quoted further down in my post

just have the courage of your convictions, then, and post names. and if you won't and take the shitstorm, then don't posst iykwim?

Oh, maybe it was that then.

Thing is - I don't object to the JG threads, not at all. I don't think it's wrong. I wouldn't express myself like that - I don't feel devastated about her death. I think there's LOADS to say about her life.

Beanie on that thread - tbh, all the jumping on was being done by the condolence posters who were put out when someone tried to talk about Jade in a different way than they wanted. Like someone who wanted to talk about her treatment - and everyone got cross.

That's really not hurling slurs or being horrid about her personally. It's just talking about it in a more general, perhaps more removed, way.

and I linked to the thread so wasn't intending for people to speculate if it was them, I thought it would be obvious who I meant really.

Sorry for the way I did it. It was CreativeZen who made the comments that I personally think were a bit misplaced, but in fairness she did leave the thread.

what i objected to about the mmc threads was the lurid speculation that kate mccann and her husband had done it.

No, you've got that wrong scaredoflove. As I understand it people disliked exactly the same things about the MM threads, as they do about the JG condolence threads. I don't think it's different standards - it's exactly the same standard.

Some people see it as natural that they should express their personal dismay or compassion in these situations, and to discuss it and share their feelings.

Some people think that doing that shows a weird thrill, they think it's rubber-necking and and it makes them uncomfortable and they think it's a bit phony.

That's all. Different folks, different strokes etc - presumably there's a middle ground too.

Yes, agree about it being their need, but isn't that always the case with death rituals? I think it's really interesting all these public responses to death. We're quite removed from death as a society.

oh my GOD... you think that parents having their child abducted should be on the same level as selling yourself to the press for nearly a decade? you don't think that there's a difference?

i think as a general rule you should be so crass as to name names, beanie. it allows the person to defend themself. the way you're doing it, you're just flinging around accusations and no-one knows if you're talking about them or not. like, i want to say 'are you talking about me because if you are you're way, way off the mark.' but like i say, i don't know.

what were these terrible remarks, the slurs on jade goody, yesterday? i was busy most of the day, but didn't see any last night.

and actually i can understand the flowers thing, if you're local to her house. they've maybe seen her about the place and regard her as one of their own.

All grief is about your own need. The deceased are no longer there, the people left behind grieve their loss. I keep seeing it posted that people are making it about them...that is what happens when you grieve isn't it?

I don't understand why people lay flowers for strangers but who does it hurt?? If people liked her or wantto show sympathy for her famillies loss, why does that bother people so very much.

When MM went missing people were actively stopped from stating anything bad about her parents and threads were bumped out of existance, posters berated but Jade Goody is fair game?? I hate the double standards and snobbishness that comes up here time and time again.

"but i do think that alot of the people doing it see it as a personal gesture from them if you
see what i mean." but that is exactly my point. If you give flowers to a loved one or lay flowers on a loved one's grave it is personal because of the personal relationship which existed between you.

But laying flowers at the house of a stranger means nothing. If you didn't know the individual personally then IMO it becomes more about your need than about them iyswim.

sorry

was really trying not to stir. Just giving an example of how those threads always ended up being a battleground.

if you want to take what i wrote and stir it then by all means do, but that was not my intention.

I just feel like people don't actually read the threads properly and can't see exactly how the crap starts. That example above is just an example of how the crap started.

God there are some sick people on mumsnet.

beanieb omg talk about stirring

Idrankthechristmas dittany used this expression earlier.

this is the thread started saying she died. Almost 2 pages of people expressing sympathy until one poster posted something which was uncalled for at 11.14am which was then I assume deleted.

the thread then continued for another half page until someone jumped on a comment made by a poster at 12.36 which I personally don't think was intended to be a dig but was merely an observation about the aggressive treatment she had received.

Then someone basically suggested that her death might not have happened had she (Jade) been more vigilant about getting her smears done. Possibly not the best thing to say given how recent the death was and the tone of the thread. However, rather than leave it at that the poster then continued to snipe saying "Two other little boys lost their mum in tragic circumstances just a couple of days ago, but I don't recall this maudlin outpouring of voyeuristic grief for them" which really was uncalled for as the language used was really quite attacking and unfair to the people who had posted their sympathies. Yes some of the posts may have hused some slightly mawkish language but the post made was a bit mean considering.

and that is how it all started to kick off. Purely because one person could not stop themselves from posting negatively about how jade's cancer was undiagnosed and how other posters were choosing to express themselves. That persoon surely must have been aware of the tone of the thread and the reaction she wold get by posting what she did?

When people objected, that poster then started with the 'who decides what a thread is about anyway' stuff, when really she probably mean 'if I want to come into a thread and completely change the tone of it regardless of who i offend then that should be my right' which just seems a bit to me. Why would people want to be llike that anyway when they have all the buttons and can easily start another thread where that kind of discussion might be better had?

Anyway - what I am saying in my rather long winded way was ... that thread only became a battleground because someone decided to make it so and it wasn't the people who were merely expressing sympathy.

I lay flowers regularly at my grandfathers grave. I don't think that's odd.

Alot of the people laying flowers at jade's house did know her in some capacity as they lived in the same village.

I agree that a charity donation or similar might be better but i do think that alot of the people doing it see it as a personal gesture from them if you see what i mean.

but wannabe that is true about the entire flower industry

you could say the same about mother's day

I think the laying of flowers is odd in the extreme.

When diana died I remember reading an artacle about the tons and tons and tons of flowers that literally went to waste, because people put them down there and because of the heat they were dead almost within minutes, and a lot of money had t be spent on clearing them away as the vast numbers of flowers actually created a health hazzard.

can't understand why, if people feel this need to make some kind of gesture, they don't just give a donation to charity rather than wasting money on some tacky flowers that will be dead and gone by tomorrow.

so sad for jade and her family

beanieb your posts are brilliant.

can i just point out that i recognised lots of people from the sky news reports, i haven't actually gone to lay flowers or anything.