is there a moldies part three?

DaddyJ, I don't know if my name was mentioned or if I was vetoed too.

There are some members of Moldies true enough, that both custy and I don't get on with. Perhaps that is why. Or how could they invite one of us expecting to keep it a secret from the other? Or perhaps they did know we wouldn't approve of an eliticist group? After all, Custy has been most outspoken on this so perhaps they did fear her scorn? However if they did, then perhaps they don't know us quite as well as they imagine.

It doesn't matter. The site is there, it's there to stay, this is Mumsnet. I was criticised for making this all about me and custy, so I'm a little uncomfy discussing it's personal implications on me.

I didnt realise that custy had been so involved with everything in real life. What utter utter bitches to leave her out.

Rhubarb, do you have any idea of why you weren't invited?

I pretty much worked out why Custardo was vetoed
and my guess is that you were excluded as you two are friends.

Ah, I don't want to offend the person in question. Nothing like that really, I had no idea she was a Moldie - I'm quite opinionated about it all, as you may have noticed, but then I'm an opinionated person and tbh I could see how much it had hurt custy and others so I was also angry about that. This friend took offence, on behalf of her friends as well as herself.

I can understand that, I've been angry on Custy's behalf.

However I can't change how I feel about it all. There is a misconception that this is about us not being invited, it's not, it's about the secrecy and hypocrisy. If we had been emailed about it, my response would have been to advise honesty. Because these things have a nasty habit of coming out in the wash, so better to be upfront and explanatory, than to be confronted and defensive.

Ohhh sorry for very odd typing of your name!

Rhubabr - I'm only asking in a non confrotational way - but are you saying you're not friends with someone now becasue they are on moldies and your not, not becasue you and this person have had cross words etc? You can't consider them to be a friend on MN or in RL because they stay on moldies despite knowing you haven't been invited, is that right? Just interested to understand the depth of feeling on this that's all.

Sparkle, I've been pondering this. I didn't attend that many Mumsnet meet-ups, I think I went to 4 Manchester ones in the early days and 2 London Xmas ones.

Custy was forever organising local Brighton ones, she organised about 2 early London Xmas ones and has been on every Xmas do since they got going! She even went to the M/cr one AND the London one last year!

So for her, I think it will affect it yes. She met many rl friends through Mumsnet, so it's not just faceless strangers. I haven't asked her outright, but I'm not sure if she is planning on any Brighton meet-ups in the near future.

For me, well it all depends really. Sorry, that's not an answer is it?

Why am I posting and reading this... I don't actually care

Stuff like this is why the majority of MN is hidden for me now. I find myself Having An Opinion on sh*t that doesn't matter in my life in any shape or form

Erm thedongwiththeluminousnose... "Some of you who are wondering why you weren't invited, the answer is simple, you hadn't been invited YET. There was every intention to invite more people and quite often the cry was heard 'omg we forgot xxxx!' No ulterior motives, no nasty reasons, just temporary memory loss"

That isn't true though is it?

Does this change the way you and Custardo feel about mingling MN with RL Rhubarb? Will you continue to participate in meet-ups for example do you think? I have no agenda in asking BTW but have read all these threads (am a terrible lurker) and I'm genuinely interested if you are prepared to answer. And please don't let me hold up that moving on with my curiosity...

Yes true, but some of them were rl friends, such as eekareinder to me and for custy, well she set up lots of local meet-ups and thought many of those were friends as she saw them so often.

Even now if the Moldie organisers came on and said, "Look, we screwed up, we're sorry things turned out the way they did. We're not going to shut down the site, but we are sorry for any hurt caused." That would do it for me.

But they are not. I'm going to move on, anyone coming?

Ah well, I'm in Ireland. That would be too big a word for us!

I didn't know you had been slagged off on Narnia, Rhubarb.

"Centimes" in France, where I live

Do you call them centimes, Cote? We just call them cent!

I have a suggestion:

Rather than seething and waiting for an apology that won't come, how about seeing & accepting that these people are not really your "friends", that they never were, and that you were all strangers corresponding on the internet?

Yes, such treachery would hurt if it happened in RL, but it seems a bit of an overkill to suffer so much heartache over the behaviour of some faceless strangers on the internet.

(Just my two Euro centimes)

x-posted...

How interesting chipmonkey....and well, if bitching was done on the thread , well, not surprised people were hurt....

Flight! (Bet you are still reading!) - I used to live in Ewell! Still own a house there in fact.

Fairlady, narniagate was the discovery that you could google a deleted MN thread and still post on it, yet it would not show up in active convos.

This was used as a slagging off board by some Mumsnetters - the rule was that you had to slag off a Mumsnetter to enter. It was discovered and you can imagine what happened.

As usual, I had been one of the first to be slagged off because I dared to have a contradictory opinion on Mumsnet.

In a nutshell, some MNers found that they could post on a deleted thread and when they did, it didn't show up in active convos. So they called it the "Narnia" thread. Some bitching was done there about other MNers and the other MNers found out and were very upset.

Thank you for your posting.

Yes, I had considered that, but I also wondered that if they did see that as a likely reaction, did they not also consider that once it did get out - feelings would be very hurt?

This isn't, as many think, just about me or Custy not being invited or indeed the site being there, it's the way in which it was done - do you not understand that?

Why did they not just come out and be open about this site? Explain it as ggg did to me, that it's a place of safety for some Mumsnetters to talk about very personal things? After all, we know that fb exists. If they were honest about it from the start I really don't think this would have happened.

It was the secrecy and arrogance of it all that made it all the more controversial.

Do you not get the golf club analogy?

I'm sorry you feel as though you have been got at and your friends have been got at, perhaps that should make you empathise more with some of the Mumsnetter's comments?

It's a shame friends are being lost here. I would like to think that I can safely disagree with custy, even slag off some of her rl friends and it would not affect my friendship with her one bit. But because I am opinionated I have paid a dear price.

If I feel something is wrong then I have to say so. If that turns you against me then so be it. I have apologised enough about this topic, yet I don't feel as though I am the antagoniser here.

I hope you can make the break from Mumsnet and I wish you all the very best. Yes I wish you had been honest with me, but I would never dwell on that and the door is always open should you wish to ever continue the friendship we had.

phew, I am not the only one than....

I am not sure...but well...I have never heard of Narniagate...not usre if I have missed out on something ...was it all very secret, too?