Would you ban smacking? Take our two-question-takes-less-than-10-seconds poll (and be entered into this week's comp)

you sound very nice and sane disneystar. I'm very pro-discussion etc to the extent that dds have tended to call referendums (eg on whether to have ice cream for pudding) and I gently remind them that our house is not a democracy. it's a benign dictatorship

oh god no..don't ban smacking
It's one of the few areas i can feel smug about

i have 7 children and i have never smacked them or threatened to in fact i dont use threats of any kind in that way
i will disipline my child by taking away something or putting them on a chair till they calm down if needed
simple i dont shout they dont shout
we have a house of democracy even if the 4 yo has issues we have a family meeting and talk about it and its resolved
i never had a family to smack them i had one to love and raise as good citizens
im not a saint i get annoyed but deal with things in a non agrressive manner

on the one hand, I don't believe it works, all it does is teach a child that when you are unhappy with someone's behaviour, you smack them. Then you tell them off for smacking the kid who just nicked their toy

BUT... I smacked dd1 once when she ran into the road. She never did it again

I would support a ban on smacking.

Ultimately people will continue to do what they want in their own homes, because there's no-one there to tell them not to. But away from home it would have an impact. I hate seeing people whacking their kids in public, it makes me really upset. We've all seen it - a toddler playing up, or a baby screaming, followed by a yell and sharp slap from an irate parent. Followed, invariably, by the child screaming even more. At the moment I can only watch, and hope that this scene of violence isn't just the tip of the ice-berg. It makes me want to cry to be honest. If smacking was banned, then at least these poor children would be spared part of their daily abuse, as I doubt parents would risk breaking the law.

good point nooka - people are talking a lot about people with PND being more likely to seek help if smacking was illegal. I think it would have exactly the reverse effect - people would be frightened to admit that they'd smacked their child.

Done
FYI it's not 'reasonable punishment' it's 'reasonable chastisement', an undefined Victorian term - I had to dig around quite a bit to see if there is a definition, once, for an article I was writing. There isn't.

I think there might well be a risk that this would stop people from asking for help when they need it most. If things are going really wrong for you, and you know you need help, but you are frightened that if you admit to smacking your child (even once) you might have your children removed from you because a smack is now illegal, would you go for that help? I think a significant number of people would not.

I'd like to see the evidence that banning smacking helps good parenting. My children hit each other really quite a lot. Should that be illegal too?

"decent parents who have smacked will probably stop if it becomes illegal but who will that benefit"

It will benefit the child... that's who.

I am against a ban on smacking. I fail to see how a ban will protect children and what benefits there will be to society.

Parents who use smacking as a form of abuse will continue to do so, a ban will not stop them.

Decent parents who have smacked their toddlers bottom when they have run out in front of a car will probably stop if it becomes illegal but who exactly will that benefit?

You know, I don't think there is anything wrong with "scaring the innocent vulnerable parents who are at the end of their tether when they resort to a smack" I was scared when I smacked dd. I was horrified at myself (even though it was just a completely unconscious reaction to severe pain) and I'm glad I was - I think any parent that isn't horrified at their own behaviour if and when they lose it enough to smack deserves social services intervention. But that doesn't mean I don't sympathise and empathise with those of you (us) who have occasionally lost it. Because let's face it, if you smack your child in anger it's more about your anger than about anything your child has done, and I think admitting that is the first step to being a good and responsible parent - otherwise you are no better than the man who insists that his abused wife "drove him to it"

Adding to that that his wild behaviour in itself is probably my fault or a result of my depression, bad parenting etc.

My mother once likened it to a tiger batting its cub when it bites her too hard in play fighting. She said it was very natural to hit out (gently, mind) at a small creature attacking you. She never smacked us but certainly got angry.

She didn't have boys either

I think smacking out of desperation to prevent someone else or that child being injured, or in the heat of the monent, is actually preferable to doing it in cold blood as a 'punishment' or in a planned way.

The whole point is to stop something worse happening. I have smacked in both situations, well not cold bloodedly but as a way of saying 'Jeez I am so angry with you!' in a vain hope it would have an effect on behaviour - it instantly was obvious that it didn't, and it made me feel quite sick to see that it had been pointless. I avoid that like the plague since then.

But the smacking in order to prevent catastrophe I do think has a place - it isn't desirable and I;m sure those of us with really well adjusted, well behaved children, who never really get that far, might see it as totally unnecessary. I know I was that 'good' child who never really warranted smacking.
But my son is not, he is a wild little thing, and quite often he would be dangerous. I can't even remember what he used to do now but it was pretty nuts. And I don't think it really bothered him being smacked when he was acting like that - it was when I misunderstood his motives and he wasn't trying to be horrid but I got it wrong, that he was most upset. I think some boys especially arte very very physical and throw themselves at you/around the house with absolutely no regard for safety etc. So it is almost water off a duck's back.

but like I said he is older now and I have found better ways of dealing with these outbursts. Hitting him makes me feel quite ill really, now that he can communicate and has better control of his own little body.

I pray I will never hit the younger one, and that I have somehow learnt how to be a better mum since then. I think I have. It is generally about the way I am feeling rather than the way they behave.

Well yes, i do think it should be against the law, definately.

If my dh or next door neighbour hit me it would be.

Iklboo "we have smacked ds once when he threw a metal train at my mouth and cut my lip"

I don't see how smacking to discipline an aggressive display sends the right message to be honest... surely you are saying that, yes, if your angry enough it's ok to hit, because i just did that to you.

I think it's important to separate the question of whether smacking is acceptable from the question of whether it should be against the law.

these are two very distinct questions, imo.

I don't agree with smacking in any situation whatsover.

My reasons are:

1. My children view myself and dh as the centre of their world. We are the ones they trust to keep them safe from harm etc etc. We tell them that is unacceptable for anyone to hit them, so for them to be smacked by us would be horrifying..

1. We tell our children it is unacceptable to hit anyone for any reason... then, if we smacked them, we would be sending a confusing message, that if mum is angry enough she's allowed to do it to me..

1. regardless of whether they are in danger or not, it's no excuse to strike out at anyone, including your own child. There are other ways to discipline your child.

1. My personal opinion is if a person smacks their own child it's their own (and your their childs) behaviour they should be addressing.

We don't hit other adults to make a point, so we shouldn't hit children either.

I was smacked as a child and I wouldn't smack my own children. I feel bad enough that I pushed my toddler away from me when she (one and only time) bit me.

This avoids the wider issues of the problems of parenting in our society.

High expectations on mothers to produce perfectly behaved children, all whilst looking fantastic and with no community support. Mothers spend far too long on their own with demanding babies/toddlers

No I don't agree with smacking but a ban just avoids the issues surrounding the taboo area of losing control and feeling violent towards children.

Mothering should not be so difficult and the urge to smack (whether you carry through with it or not) is not the mindset of a monster/child abuser but a mother desperatley in need of help/support

Of course we should not confuse this with people who repeatedly beat and verbally abuse their children

I was never smacked. We have smacked DS on the hand once or twice (once when he threw a metal train at my mouth and cut my lip).
My concerns are how would it be legislated/enforced?
What's to stop malicious teens reporting their parents for smacking (when it hasn't been done) because they've not got their own way on something?
Parental training? How, when, who pays?
And how far might this go? It's against a child's human rights to be punished/deprived of treats? (sorry, being facetious there)

Books or dolls for me please!
Have smacked both DD's on occasion when its been warranted. I got the occasional smack when I was growing up from my mum - you knew you were in big trouble when that happened. My dad never dished out the punishments - the fear of him getting involved was enough to send me and my sisters scurrying!! (wait till I tell your father...)

I'll have the ski accommodation please (although anything would do).

ok iv done the poll i would be happy with any prize cos i never win anything!!

so im not against smacking on the whole and think there is a world of difference between smacking a childs bottom when he/she has been 'naughty' as a last resort and regularly beating a child out of anger/frustration need for control! a ban on smacking will only serve to scare the innocent vulnerable parents who are at the end of their tether when they resort to a smack. those who already beat their children will not take any notice of it and may even use more emotional abuse to keep it quiet!!

for the record i was brought up in an environment where my father was not slow to smack and more than once myself and my brothers and sister were left with more than one bruise (one time so bad that my brother who was 6 at the time had to be kept off school as he couldnt sit down)
i would never dream of going to the extreme that my parents did and find it hard to stop myself from smacking my DD when she presses my buttons but i DO control myself as i know what a loss of control can result in!
i know that sounds like a contradiction that i am not against smacking but i dont do it myself (i am not suggesting i have never smacked my DD but a smack on the hand when she has clawed my face for the tenth time is not akin to beating her regularly) but i think it is a self control issue and a parental education issue as i think it is clear that some parents have no idea how to raise a child properly and if there was more support available the parent would never end up striking their child in the first place.

ok rant over!! did that make any sense??
xx ei xx

another vote - expat for PM

I read some research once that said children are far more traumatised by a smack if they know the parents are not allowed to, e.g a Swede in Sweden losing it and smacking a child compared to a smack given here or to further extremes say in Asia where the cane is a norm and though it's something to avoid it is acceptable.

In this country I feel even if parents do smack or can't smack, standards are failing thus letting children down and thus feeds the cycle of insecure, rude youth.

My Swedish friend could not believe for example that hoods are banned from many supermarkets, she took a photo of the sign as she was so astonished and I told her what people think of youth with hoods and the odd stories of wear a 2 yr old has been banned from a shop due to a hood, as a nation common sense is being taken away from us and that is why I feel we are worse off.