Quick! We need your advice on how to deal with the embarrassing things children say for Radio 5 Live

dd1: [loudly] That lady is REALLY FAT
Lady: [who was] harrumph
me: ahem

I think the advice generally is to mutter and just look ashamed

some of these are so funny!

DD1 informing the entire ward after DD2 was born that mummy now wore nappies and was bleeding from her bum!!!

she was almost two, and had insisted on coming to the bathroom with me as she was feeling a little left out by me having a new baby (understandably), and the other people on the ward found it all highly ammusing.........except my FIL....

not sure he really needed to know about the bodily functions of his daughter-in-law

DS2 was doing family trees at school recently. He had put on my side of the family that my dad was dea, but I ahd a step dad and he said the following to his teacher

DS2 "That's my grandad, but he's not my mums dad. I don't know who he was. I don't think she did either"
then
"He(pointing to step dads name) isn't my uncle X or Uncle y's dad either.I don't think they had the same dad as my mum, because I don't know who he was either, neither do they"

I laugh it off and say something
like "oh, don't children say the funniest things" and quickly walk away.

DS when he was about 3, spotted a black man "Mummy - that man is all burnt"

Me - "No he isn't sweetheart. He has black skin, that's all"

Black man - "Come to me little one. See how my palms are pink"

DS (by now facinated) climbs onto black man's knee for a skin investigation and a chat about different skin colours.

Me - loving this guy for being such a star.

You loudly annonce that you will not tolerate this behaviour and that you are going to take them home to their mother

Another time DS declared to my friend that Mummy was having a baby, 'A boy baby'. DP and I very embarrassed as DS had obviously overheard our discussions about whether to get the morning after pill which is where we were heading at the time...

My advice is don't make eye contact with anyone around!

My advice is to smile sweetly. Or pretend you dind't hear them, and ignore. Which only works if they don't repeat it louder and louder

On a crowded bus with my mum when I was 5[33 years ago].Saw a girl with her dad[my parents divorced] I asked[loudly] Have I got a dad?
Mum said yes...I said Well where is he then?!
All ears pricked up and mum just muttered about telling me later.

Smelly old lady on the bus

DS, top of voice 'I can smell somefink'

Me 'Don't be silly'

DS 'I can smell somefink mummy!'

Me hangs head and ignores.

DS said to SIL 'You've got a fat bum'

Me 'No she hasn't'

DS 'Yes she has'

Me silenced in shame.

I'm not very good at this game am I?

I laugh it off. Like the time DS1 started shouting Homo really loudly and pointing at some random man, who didn't look very pleased. Then the man moved and we saw a Homer Simpson claendar. I just laughed and said "kids eh, imagine him knowing who the simpsons are at his age". he was about 2!
Or the time he was shouting to my neighbours daughter "would you like an ice lolly Hannah, which I thought was nice until I found him with a box of Tampax throwing them over the fence. I had to go and retrieve them. Again, just smiled sweetly, in fact neighbour probalby thought I was a loon!

"He get's it from his father"

So, my advice is keep walking.

Ds1 asked a taxi driver if he was honey monster a couple of days ago. I walked off laughing and left my mum to deal with it.

The taxi driver was a good sport though. He went 'raghhh!'