Quick! We need your advice on how to deal with the embarrassing things children say for Radio 5 Live

Not so much a comment, but equally mortifying-
You know those tacky aprons with fake boobs that they sell in tack shops on holiday?

We found DS1 (aged about 4) sucking on a boob in one of these shops, commenting to our friends boy "Mmm Milk...."

It was fairly short mmj - finished about 20 past 11 I think.

Just heard it - you sounded very well prpared for such short notice!

Just heard the interview - it was great. Super advice.

you say "what was that dear? oh you want the toilet. ok lets go" and scuttle off.

I'm listening

She's on now

How about not taking children anywhere public

Only enter buses armed with enough cheesy wotsits to last the entire journey.

Otherwise known as the if-they're-eating- they-can't-say-embarrassing-things theory.

DS in M&S underwear section on Tuesday ended up dancing around with a G cup bra on his head holding up a pair of size 22 beige granny pants asking me, very loudly, if I needed ones like this to cover my noonoo!!!

I smiled sweetly and said no but we could get them for grandma for her birthday - DS looked puzled and the lady behind the till nearly wet herself.

So when are (were) you on Radio 5?

Ds once sat on a good friends' lap, & studied her face intently. He was 3ish. He gently stroked her cheek.
The he said "Why have you got a moustache? Are you a real lady?"

I find the easiest approach is to change friends every 6 months.

Walk everywhere. Fast. Avoid buses at all costs.

They really know how to embarass us don't they. That last story with DS2 happened a few weeks ago, as he is 8 now, and has been embarassisng me since he was a toddler.
he ran into the room once and shouted, in front of DH and the ILs "mummy's taken her boobs off and thrown them in the bin"
I had in fact thrown out a few bras!

Say "Who does this child belong too?' While looking around and tutting.
Then say loudly ''I'll take him/her to lost children."
Grab child.
Run.

Sitting on a crowded bus. My DS aged 5 was sitting at the front with his big Brother I was half way down with DD.
DS:"Mummy we got a present at school today"
Me: "oh Thats nice"
DS: "Yeah its a nit comb" at which the whole bus went silent and some started scratching
Me(in a feeble voice) "Thats lovely, but we dont need it darling"

On another bus, it was a busy bus full of factory workers(lots of men), DD aged 7 said loudly "mummy what's a Wanker?" I nearly choked and all the men turned around and looked at me expectantly. I asked why she need to know and she said she had been called it at school! I said I would explain later maybe. About 6 men all started laughing and 1 said I was a coward.

Another day on the bus, A youth got on and he had a big of a teenage spot problem DD shouts "oh mummy he has chicken Pox like I did"
I blushed, he blushed,

We walk now

i don't really get embarrassed by ut (yet)

a man with a turban and an eye patch got on the bus as we passed the local hosp. 2 YO DS1 piped up really loudly, LOOK THERES A PIRATE GETTING IN THE BUS i just replied yes i can see why you think that but actually its an eye bandage.

The answer to loud yellings of why is that woman/man fat is that people come in all shapes and sizes

the answer to why are people black/brown/white is that people have all diferent kinds of skin

DS1 also went thru a phase of asking random men if they were his dad () i just turned into a game wher i pointed out men and said quietly do you think thats' your daddy? he got so fed up in the end that his reply was "mummy my daddy is in the studio silly"

dc: "Mummmeeee, why is that fat lady so smelly and that man's a baaaaaad man because I heardd him say FUCK and that lady is very old will she be dead soon and when we get to the shops are you going to get some of those things you put up your bloody bottom?"

You say, "Yes, darling, you can have some carrot sticks for a snack when we get home"
Then you have to look quite concerned and say, "Hmm, we really need to contact that speech therapist again, don't we? You're really not enunciating clearly. I'm sure no one else would have understood that."

oh, and DD1 also going into school and telling her teacher that she must have two daddy's.......

we had received an invite to a party, but instead of DH's name, they had written his nick-name. DD1 had asked who it was, and I just said it was daddys work-name.

how on earth she thought that meant she had tow daddys I will never know, but to be called into school and asked by a confused teacher is not high on my list of fun things to do!