What are your top tips for making family life work ?

DH sat in the garden this morning as per my previous posts. He said to me, go on I dare you, run in and post that it is 6.15 a.m and we are sitting in the garden chatting.

LOL

missing from no 4 - plenty of bjs to keep him happy

I'm loving the genres on this thread (apologies in advance to all those people I offend):

1. Teddies on the bed: 'never go to sleep on an argument' and other cliches. Oh puhleese. The very best relationships are those fostered on festering resentment and grunting 'trying VERY hard not to make any bodily contact' for 3 weeks, until it all blows up in the kitchen with that kind of shouting-whispering that you do that STILL makes the kids look kind of bemused...

1. Anal retentives: YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY FUNCTION IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN and an organiser and a series of targets and never sit down on the sofa with a bottle of Cava when you could be dusting for god's sake. Order macht frei!

1. Hippies and lentil-weavers: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, feckit. Let the kids run round naked and choose their own Home Ed topics and let them make up their own rules and you get to lie back in your hand-woven goatfur cushions and chuck a few dandelion leaves at them once in a while.

1. Yummymummies: it's crucial to have sex. You must! Must... and never, ever let him see you shaving your legs or inserting a tampon. And even if your third degree scar still leaves you chafeing and you have had no more than 3 hours average a night of sleep for 4 years, you must shag...

tidy ordered home

i am a bit obsessional but some friends homes cause me stress...cant see the wood for the trees

kids not chilled if its too disorderly

top tips

-teamwork with regard to parenting essential never cross each other with regard to discipline

-respect - both educated adults one cleans bogs the other heart surgery - both equals

• sex essential and like Pruners/ Harpsichordcarrier said - this is not a flippant comment

talk talk talk - all you ever do is talk talk YES we do and sometimes i say i must bore him but we do get on

friends - our friends are the same we have this mutual bond

My dh would say have lots of sex too - he's nothing if not hopeful

PMSL, SorenLorenson! I have some particularly vile curtains - perhaps I should rustle up some play clothes - it could be just what we need to restore family harmony. At least the weather is improving - I have confidence in sunshine for the next couple of days, although we could do with some raindrops on our roses etc. etc. - oh, that's terrible, I could do so much better but it's late and there's wine....

Seriously, I just asked DH what his top tips were and he said 'have lots of sex and keep talking' - not sure whether he meant during the sex? Should check.

My tips:

Laugh
Don't be scared of having nothing to do with your kids - enjoy the 'boredom'!
Have a cleaner if possible
Talk about what you each do during the day
Remember why you had children in the first (remind me??)
Surprise each other occasionally (in a good way)
Make sure you kind of agree about where the money is going (and coming from, in fact)
My Dad said when we got wed - the most important thing you can learn to day in a marriage is 'you were right' (but it doesn't mean that I was wrong

(I think DH is now hoping I will big him up on MN as he is making me a cup of herbal tea and offering to run a bath)

bagelbird-did you get married in 1850?

top tips..erm,

having clearly defined rules which are agreed amongst the whole family,and a set of consequences for breaking these rules,up on the wall so they are remembered()

the absoulte golden rule is that bedtime means bedtime and we do not have any crap about going to bed as mummy can only survive some days knowing that she can go on MN at 8pm.

and prozac.

Give each other total freedom - make sure you can do what you want to as individuals within the marriage, not necessarily equal things, but different.

Find a shared interest/passion/dream, you can work on together, so you raise your eyes above domesticity.

Go out at least once a month without the kids.

Have wonderful holidays and days out as a family (cheap ones camping etc).

Celebrate achievement all the time, test results, musical moments, books finished etc.

Keep rules to the minimum, and encourage self-reliance.

I assume that was a man vicar

When we got married I was given 2 wonderful pieces of advice from a very special and elderly vicar:

1. never ever ever EVER go to sleep on an argument
2. if you cannot reasonably agree, give in to your husband and allow him to be right. As the "man" in the household it is his responsibility to make sure his judgement is based on what is best for all" (That was roughly what he said to try to convince me to say the "obey" bit in the vows! lol)

Has no one said Prozac?

Hypocrites!

She's dancing with the postman in the bandstand ? I'll have to tell her father, he can put a stop to it - she's only just 16, going on 17. And I've never liked that postman - he's got a funny way about him, I wouldn't be surprised if he falls in with a bad crowd.

SorenL Does your DD1 (16) dance with the postman in the bandstand? If yes I think I know who you are in real life.

Dh has a whistle - he has a different signal for each of the dcs. It saves a lot of shouting as we live in such a ginormous house with a lake n'all - plus, there's a big mountain just out the back.

I make them play-clothes out of old curtains and we sing a lot and put on puppet shows.

And we yodel.

Lol at pointydog... i think this is where we are going wrong as a family, treating it a bit like a disco. Not at the AGM though, that would be silly.
Excuse me while I go and hand myself my notice. 'Monkey... you're fired!'.

Hobnob

Good point, Swedes, particularly if it involves a bockwurst.

Ahh Swede I see.I never learnt that skill.

Don't do the same jobs as your dh/dp

Both have clearly defined roles.

Have respect

Talk but above all LISTEN

Know your limits

Buy a calanader
Buy lots of nice wine
Kiss and cuddle each other every day
Tell each other you love them
Don't spend so long planning and working for the future that you forget to enjoy the present
You don't have to spend money to have a great family day out

This thread is great - you should publish it as a book!

Hobnob - I'd be worried if DP told me he wanted to do things German style in the bedroom.

This talking lark...... what if your DH doesn't "DO" talking ????

Pick your battles

Accept any help

Delegate

Treat each other as friends not family