SAHM numbers lowest for 15 years - we need your views for Sky interview tomorrow am

To Joash

Hi I am a kinship carer and I would love to speak with you as I am involved with setting up a support group for the Family Rights Group, please get in touch or reply.

I too am fighting for the rights of relative and kinship carers and was at a conference in Liverpool about this.

oh yes agree riven - or for long children with long term illnesses. I know someone who has just had to give us his job to help out because of long term illness in the eldest child (with long periods in hospital). There is almost no support available for these families. Working might not be appropriate in every case- the child may need both sets of parents, but cuurently there is no choice. DS1 for example has no health needs and is more than happy to go off somewhere for childcare (more than happy he enjoys it) but there isn't any. I'm expecting to get some days in a playscheme this summer, but nothing is guaranteed, it will be probably one day a week and I won't know until about 2 weeks before. You can't work - except in a very very flexible job- around that.

I am a SAHM, we simply reduce out expenditure to allow me to do it. We haven't been away on holiday since dc's were born. We all have very sparse wardrobes, btu I would rather have time with the dc's than material things.
I do think that we should have financial help like working parents do with childcare. It would save teh goverment money in the long term as we would have a generation of happier more stable children, who feel their parents care and want to spend time with them, and less stressed mothers trying to do everything.

Agree with fio- and as someone said earlier until after-school childcare is sorted for children with severe or complex disabilities there are a whole bunch of women (usually) who can never work (and this a group who would benefit metal health wise enormously from going out to work as well).

I am a SAHM, I gave up being a f/t WOHM as I hated leaving DD in nursery 40+ hours a week and realised I was doing it as it was what society expected, and looking toward a bigger house, holiday, new car etc.. not what I wanted deep down, it felt wrong. I have never regretted it and adore being home. I love picking my kids up from school and having the energy to chat with them and have their friends round, I also like time to myself and freedom and have the chance to do an OU degree. My DH works 39 hrs a week in average wage job. He works shifts which would make it hard for me to work even if I wanted to. We cut back on material items, we have one car which we share and usually a UK holiday. The kids do not go without but learn the true value of things.

I also find the focus on wraparound care really quite negative and scary. This government only care about 'economic productivity' and they even slate part time workers in one report calling it a waste of productivity, truthfully they would have eveyone in f/t work with kids in large 50 hr a week institutions. I think the allowance of £50 a week is a great idea, then people really would have a choice. Work is overrated for alot of people and is not the focus of life for everyone.

My big problem with working outside the house (I work from home as a freelancer) is what happens when the children come home. Mine seem to need increasingly more and more help with homework--supervising it, but also testing on vocab. and spellings, listening to piano practice, etc.

Tell me, oh ladies who work outside the home, how does your evening schedule work? How do you get the schoolwork/music practice done and cope with after-school activities and cook supper, etc? Or do you have nannies who can do some of the above?

[sorry--this is a sidetrack from the OP]

I have been a SAHM for the last 4.4 years and we have finally ran out of savings and am now struggling to survive on DH Salary (and that is slightly above the 31k mentioned in the op).

The cost of living has raised dramatically in the last 4 years (my bugeting spreadsheet proves this).. costs of fuel and food are the main problems but this is no secret to anyone!

DD goes to school full time in September and I wanted to stay at home a little longer so I could be there at the end and start of her school day, but I need to go back to work in order to pay our bills.

I thought this would be easy - how foolish I was, there really are no jobs around that would enable me to take her and pick her up from school, so am now having to look at putting her in after school care (which although is excellent at her school - that is not what I want to do)..

Think it is very sad that after staying at home with her for this long, now won't be able to be there for her when I feel she will need me...

This may have already been said but when you sit down and look at everything which has gone up in recent months:-
Mortgages
Gas
Electricity
Water
Food bills

.....how are we supposed to afford stay at home.

To make it worse when you do go back to work the cost of childcare is so high that you end up being £200 a month better off which although is not probably worth it - is better than nothing in the current climate.

Can we just ditch the 'why have children for someone else to look after' line. Bloody insulting to WAHM/WOHM. No-one attacks fathers for going back to work. And if all women with small children stayed at home, we'd lose a hell of a lot of doctors/teachers/nurses/police officers and other occupations that are jolly useful to all of us.

Make it easier for people to live by all means, but don't attack working parents just because you are lucky enough to SAH.

I do agree the thrust of government policy is all about getting mothers back to work, when it should be helping parents to do whatever they feel is best for their children. And the economy is skewed in favour of double income households, forcing people back to paid work whether they like it or not.

I like the idea of abolishing tax credits (ridiculously complex system that only exists so Gordon could disguise redistribution) and raising the personal tax allowance so lower earners pay less tax in the first place.

I work full time, have done since dd was 4 months old and ds was 3 months old - had basic maternity leave and nothing more. This is for a number of reasons:

1. I have always been financially independent and wanted to remain so
2. DH was not in a stable career at the time - his bstd employers made him redundant a week before dd came along. I was in a well paid job so it seemed a logical choice even though he got back into work quickly.
3. I enjoy work, always - having kids was life changing, but not to the point where I only wanted to be with them. Working has always been very important to me.

Childcare has cost me a fortune, over £10K per child per year AFTER TAX. So 2 kids, £20K per year for the first 5 years AFTER TAX - Don't give me all this nonsense about government helping out with childcare schemes and vouchers. These are a drop in the ocean and do not cover remotely the costs involved in childcare.

I have lots of SAHM friends and for many years was the only one out of my group who went back full time. My view is that it is each to their own and unfortunately money is a deciding factor in most cases. Interestingly most of my SAHM friends were disapproving of my full time work - I say live and let live, we are all trying to do the best by our children. If my children grow up with a strong work ethic and value their family, I will be delighted. Oh yes, rich, healthy and all that too...

If I had my time again, I don't know what I would do - I love my family, but I am a better mother for not being a SAHM.

sahp should definately be better recognised in tax breaks and also pension contributions as women taking career breaks rarely attain the wages they would have otherwise.

I look at my Mother struggling as a widow in her 50's after looking after her children for so many years she does not have the confidence to re-enter the jobs market now - yet her contribution in raising 3 economically active university educated children is not recognised!

The choices parents have regarding raising their children and returning to work need to be supported - not just childcare for working parents but also support for those wishing to stay at home even just those early years.

I do think that a parent (mother or father) staying at home with their children during the early years has to be the most desirable outcome and maybe extra funding is needed to bring that about. I can't see how any baby benefits by being put in full-time childcare at a few months old.

I'm a SAHM, have been for 11 years. I'm fortunate in that DH has a good job and that I WANT to look after our children and not hand them over to someone else. I receive nothing from the government other than child benefit.

Financially, it has not been debt-free but we are getting there and the sacrifice is worth it.

Someone has already commented on the fact that as a social group SAHMs are invisible. I agree with that hugely. Although I feel that I may seemingly be invisible, the effort that I put into my families education, emotional wellbeing, nutrition and ultimate stability will pay dividends not only to myself and DH but also to society.

To quote part of something I read on another site:-

"As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. It cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women."

'The purpose of life is for living not to generate bloody revenue.'

Not in a capitalist system.

I really want to stay at home but there is no way we can afford to - I'm scared stiff of missing out on DD's childhood - i'd probably have to go back to work fulltime for us to survive.
I would rather they upped the minimum wage and lowered taxes than have to except "hand outs" but if that wasn't a choice then I'd rather have the money myself.

Yes, it's the credit crunch and rising prics that has knackered us as well. It was just manageable before that.

I heard the other day, that family costs had gone up by £175 per months and wages by £44.00 per month. This has made it almostimpossible.

Shouldn't the governemnt be addressing that as well? It is beyond me how anyone can afford to be a SAHM in this financial climate.

I recently left work after the birth of Dd2, this was before the credit crunch happened. We had worked out that we could scrape by on Dh's wage. Now money is so tight I dare say I shall have to return to work. Tax credits are a total nightmare and I don't want money to pay someone else to looks after my girls. I want to feel that the government thinks the job I'm doing raising my children is worth something. How about upping the child benefit?