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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
RainbowZebraWarrior · 25/02/2023 07:59

lovem · 25/02/2023 05:48

I would appreciate an invite too. I namechange all the time but have been here many, many years. I think mumsnet would be a sadder space without @OhYouBadBadKitten or @LangClegsInSpace and co (and a creepier place with the new preferred welcomed types of posters joining).

I'm also out and cannot believe how much MN have screwed up.

Please could someone PM me too. Been here 12 years, regular on the weather and lurker / occasional poster on FWR.

I'm also a Neurodiverse Mumsnetter. I've already been looking elsewhere on that content.

lovem · 25/02/2023 05:48

I would appreciate an invite too. I namechange all the time but have been here many, many years. I think mumsnet would be a sadder space without @OhYouBadBadKitten or @LangClegsInSpace and co (and a creepier place with the new preferred welcomed types of posters joining).

WhatCanWeDoNext · 25/02/2023 01:23

Please could someone also let me know where the Bootcamp and Weather gangs are going to next. @BIWI and @OhYouBadBadKitten . Pretty please 🙏

I don’t want to stay on a site that allows illegal CSA content.
Thank you.

AlexandriasWindmill · 25/02/2023 01:02

Thanks for raising these points OP. I'm sorry the response from MN was so disappointing. I'm not sure what the MN brand means now. It's definitely repositioned itself in the last few months.
I'll always be grateful for the FWR boards and the RL connections and friendships I've made because of them. But if I was coming to MN now, I wouldn't even join because of the clickbait titles, trolls and lack of safeguarding.

TheShellBeach · 25/02/2023 00:45

Sad to see all these comments about leaving, but not surprised.
MNHQ have shot themselves in the foot and no mistake.
Still, they have all the perves on the sex board to console them.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 25/02/2023 00:42

@BIWI
And others
I would really like to know where you are going.

Mumsnet has been such a great support over the years -and such fun - but it looks as if the new version is not for me.

WombsofWimbledon · 25/02/2023 00:37

Me too I guess. It’s so out of ‘the spirit of Mumsnet’ that it feels odd whichever way you lean in your views. I wonder if the premium members (which I’m not) are ever polled. You’d think their opinion might have weight, at least?

I do appreciate that, if it’s money related, it’s hard to say when adult rated (or should be adult rated!) content decisions are driven by financial considerations.

WombsofWimbledon · 25/02/2023 00:33

lovem · 24/02/2023 18:53

What a strange thing to say. The response has been largely negative so we'll ... keep going?

Blink twice if you're being held hostage @JustineMumsnet!

🤣🤣🤣

wohmum · 24/02/2023 23:58

PlusLaMeme · 24/02/2023 22:49

BIWI and OYBadKitten, please could you PM me where you decide to decamp please. I lurk on the weather threads, and the old quirky posters are the only thing keeping me here tbh

Yes please - me too. Have followed and enjoyed both your stories and threads over the years - who knew weather would end up being such a good topic ! Typically British stereotype to a fault! 🤣🤣

wohmum · 24/02/2023 23:55

Stopsnowing · 24/02/2023 19:26

Well as I said - this is damaging the Mumsnet brand. No one wants it in active. Those who need it, find it. And many sex related issues were In relationships. And I am fed up with the sex toy ads.

Completely agree. I’ve been a long time reader, occasional poster and enjoyed most of all the funny, educational and thought provoking discussions .
But am thoroughly fed up with all the sex topics in active. Previously I’ve found it a great way of sharing topics with my teens but now won’t any more . It just doesn’t need to be so ‘in your face’ - ugh.
maybe I am a bit if a prude - but I’ll be off soon if this stays.

mumsnet must be making good money from the sex toy partnership if they are willing to piss off their core demographic so much

MagentaRocks · 24/02/2023 23:34

Sent a couple of PMs to see where people are going.

wonder how many premium members have cancelled.

I can accept an error in judgement but the response from @JustineMumsnet shows they are not listening

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 23:31

Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 24/02/2023 22:43

Me too please. I’m new there but would hate to lose the wealth of knowledge of you all. And the cheese.

Me too please.

WombsofWimbledon · 24/02/2023 23:26

justasking111 · 24/02/2023 21:59

Has Ann summers bought Mumsnet then?

Has MilfsNet had the domain purchased yet?

SlaveToTheVibe · 24/02/2023 22:59

Can you all let me know where you go to please? I’m not staying either. And yes I’m a boot camp storm chaser so really so t want to miss out on BIWI/OYBBK

thanks

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 22:55

BIWI · 24/02/2023 22:43

In haste as we have people staying with us and I'm hiding from hosting:

Very disappointing response from @JustineMumsnet - patronising and insulting as well as not dealing with the the issues and their nuances that have been raised over the last few days, by many, many of us.

I'm out.

Me too @BIWI. PM me please (no rush of course)! Have already received one.

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 22:54

LangClegsInSpace · 24/02/2023 22:45

@BenCoopersSupportWren it's a shame this thread has been somewhat derailed into yet another discussion about everything that is wrong with the current setup of the sex topic. It was inevitable after @JustineMumsnet chose this particular thread to respond to everyone's concerns altogether but it's notable that she has not answered the specific issues raised in your OP.

These issues are too important to be lost in the general discussion. It wouldn't matter if every MN poster was cool with stories of underage sex / CSA being shared, or if everyone who didn't want to see it just hid the topic, it would still be a massive safeguarding issue.

Safeguarding comes first, every time. It's shameful that the biggest parenting site in the UK has failed to recognise this.

It wouldn't matter if every MN poster was cool with stories of underage sex / CSA being shared, or if everyone who didn't want to see it just hid the topic, it would still be a massive safeguarding issue.

Yes. This.

PlusLaMeme · 24/02/2023 22:49

BIWI · 24/02/2023 22:43

In haste as we have people staying with us and I'm hiding from hosting:

Very disappointing response from @JustineMumsnet - patronising and insulting as well as not dealing with the the issues and their nuances that have been raised over the last few days, by many, many of us.

I'm out.

BIWI and OYBadKitten, please could you PM me where you decide to decamp please. I lurk on the weather threads, and the old quirky posters are the only thing keeping me here tbh

LangClegsInSpace · 24/02/2023 22:45

@BenCoopersSupportWren it's a shame this thread has been somewhat derailed into yet another discussion about everything that is wrong with the current setup of the sex topic. It was inevitable after @JustineMumsnet chose this particular thread to respond to everyone's concerns altogether but it's notable that she has not answered the specific issues raised in your OP.

These issues are too important to be lost in the general discussion. It wouldn't matter if every MN poster was cool with stories of underage sex / CSA being shared, or if everyone who didn't want to see it just hid the topic, it would still be a massive safeguarding issue.

Safeguarding comes first, every time. It's shameful that the biggest parenting site in the UK has failed to recognise this.

BIWI · 24/02/2023 22:44

PS thanks for the PMs. Will reply tomorrow

BIWI · 24/02/2023 22:43

In haste as we have people staying with us and I'm hiding from hosting:

Very disappointing response from @JustineMumsnet - patronising and insulting as well as not dealing with the the issues and their nuances that have been raised over the last few days, by many, many of us.

I'm out.

Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 24/02/2023 22:43

Pixiedust1234 · 24/02/2023 22:37

Please PM me too. Im more a lurker over there but I think I've posted enough for you to know me

Me too please. I’m new there but would hate to lose the wealth of knowledge of you all. And the cheese.

Pixiedust1234 · 24/02/2023 22:37

beastlyslumber · 24/02/2023 21:30

I've already had a couple of invites to somewhere. If it seems like a good place, I'll let you know!

Please PM me too. Im more a lurker over there but I think I've posted enough for you to know me

MassiveWordSalad · 24/02/2023 22:22

I used to work with someone years ago who did Ann Summers as a side hustle. I never went to a party, but I did have a guffaw when Ann Summers HQ contacted her about a batch of sex toys that had to be recalled, and told her she needed to contact all the customers who had bought one so she could arrange to collect them for return. She just quit Grin

LangClegsInSpace · 24/02/2023 22:16

MassiveWordSalad · 24/02/2023 21:57

Yes, Ann Summers is indeed an MLM company.
Now branded as a 'sisterhood' HA! 🤢

Urgh they're still doing it then.

Mumsnet has partnered with a MLM that sells products that make women feel bad about their bodies and that play on boring gender stereotypes.

LangClegsInSpace · 24/02/2023 22:12

monomatapea · 24/02/2023 21:47

Is it? Didn't know that

It certainly used to be and it's how they built their brand.

Someone would get paid to host an Ann Summers party in their home and invite their friends. A rep would turn up with the wares and it was all supposed to be a huge giggle because it was women only, doing something a bit naughty. There was no obligation to buy but everyone would be made aware that their host (i.e. their friend) would earn commission on anything bought. The catalogue had a huge section on how to become a rep and earn £££. It was like a tupperware party but all vibrators and nasty scratchy nylon knickers.

I was invited to several parties back in the mid 90's when I had my kids. Even back then they seemed to aggressively market to women who had recently given birth. Then they opened a few shops and now I think most of their business is direct mail order. I don't know if they still use the MLM party model but that's what they grew from.

And they still peddle shite.

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