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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 24/02/2023 06:55

An extremely eloquent and informed argument for reverting to the original system.

I’ve been on here for nearly 20 years and accept the times & tone must change as the site grows, but @MNHQ, it really is time to admit you got this one wrong.

HaroldTheStallion · 24/02/2023 06:51

Thanks OP, it's concerning and I really don't understand why mumsnet is open for business to purves all of a sudden. People are saying money but how much money could there possibly be in putting the sex topic in Active? The sponsored post about needing a new toy for the bedroom obviously brings in money. But welcoming purves probably causes as many users to leave as it brings in new ones, and even if it doesn't how profitable would a bunch of purves be? Surely they would eventually drive away the more family-friendly advertisers also? I really don't understand it at all.

SlaveToTheVibe · 24/02/2023 06:49

Absolutely disgraceful.

Mumsnet, with such a high proportion of women having suffered sexual abuse at some point, why the heck do you have the dildo ads and a free for all mentally on the sec board. It is really stupid to have this policy on a site where women lean on each other for emotional support.

The fact that you’re now not caring about underage sex references is completely unacceptable.

it’s already really offensive to me tjhat every time I go on here, I get asked if I want a sex toy. No I fucking don’t. And can I point out that any nosy child is going to clock the clink. My nine year old would definitely. It’s all completely bad taste. Shame on you.

FatSealSmugSoup · 24/02/2023 06:42

I’m ashamed to say I had no knowledge of the situations/CJ you describe OP, so it would never have occurred to me that predators will be rubbing their hands in glee.

Yesterday I was idly speculating mn is going to end up having a “punternet” style board which is revolting in itself - but what you describe is next-level.

I’ve hidden the boards because I am a toddler(yes someone said that to me), a prude, uptight etc etc. but now MN feels more and more grubby.

Given Justine is an extremely well-educated woman who’s campaigned for the rights of women for presumably since her college days - how the fuck has she done an about-turn and now takes cash for giggling about sex? 🤷‍♀️ Did her ex stiff her in the divorce settlement? Is she trying to prove to the new fella she’s a “cool girl”?

Igmum · 24/02/2023 06:40

Well put OP

SolitudeNotLoneliness · 24/02/2023 06:39

Op that is a brilliant post, thank you for raising it so eloquently.

Mumsnet is becoming the sports direct version of parenting sites, cheap content for easy clicks.

There are ample forums for discussions about sex, why is becoming such a prominent feature of this site?

WombsofWimbledon · 24/02/2023 06:33

Ergh. The men on there stick out like a… oh never mind. I wonder what the point is at this stage. Money talks, obviously. Yuck.

FebName · 24/02/2023 06:28

Well put OP

CeeceeBloomingdale · 24/02/2023 06:24

That's disturbing. I've hidden it so can't report it put hope it's pulled.

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 24/02/2023 06:21

And of course it's now in active 🙄

Clymene · 24/02/2023 06:20

Thank you for explaining that so clearly.

I'm just baffled why a site which - because children are talked about a lot here - regularly attracts dodgy fetishists (nappy pervs and the like) seems to now be actively targeting paedophiles. It's just so naive.

That thread is awful.

papercutt · 24/02/2023 06:16

The title of this thread is probably attracting more creeps via search engines than the original one did🤔

Okunevo · 24/02/2023 06:10

I can't believe the thread is still there. It's so obviously a pedophile magnet.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/02/2023 06:08

MN are sleep-walking into a minefield with the Sex topic at the moment. Hosting dodgy content (as explained in the OP), alienating their core users, changing their business model.

I can't help thinking this is one of those moments we will remember in ten years; we will be on another site saying, "remember Mumsnet?". Which will be a shame since they have been stalwart in many ways.

I'm not sure they can step back now. We will see.

monomatapea · 24/02/2023 06:06

That is awful - I haven't looked over there so thanks for letting me know what's going on.

Codlingmoths · 24/02/2023 06:01

Extremely well put, thank you!

MagentaRocks · 24/02/2023 06:00

Well written op and I absolutely agree. I find it distasteful. Those that have experienced SA will be much more affected.

Hopefully MNHQ will take note but I very much doubt it as they haven't properly addressed concerns on other threads about this. People will start to leave the site at this rate.

Stopsnowing · 24/02/2023 05:51

I agree with the OP. Apart from the safety considerations MNHQ should take on Baird that this is damaging their brand. I also go on it less because I don’t like seeing sex pop up in active.

BastardtheCat · 24/02/2023 05:47

Very well written OP and thank you for doing so.

@MNHQ What on Earth is going on?

WombsofWimbledon · 24/02/2023 04:39

You’ve put this respectfully and articulately, and have a very strong point. I really hope that this is considered in the way it should be.

Goodread1 · 24/02/2023 04:24

I think what the issue is cause mumsnet is so popular and well known

The negative down side with any social media websites,
Obviously acctract all sorts unfortunately, that includes Freaks with perversion,

I totally agree with your very valid points Op thread too

lummsnet · 24/02/2023 03:59

Totally agree

medianewbie · 24/02/2023 00:25

Very well put OP. As a CSA survivor myself can I just say: 'Thank You' x

SquirrelSoShiny · 24/02/2023 00:20

WTAF is going on with @MNHQ atm?!

creepiee · 24/02/2023 00:14

Hid that thread very quickly due to my SA

Genuinely don't know why anyone would want to follow that. Firstly due to the age thing, also just can't comprehend why anyone would be remotely interested (I'm guessing many are, so I'm in the minority)