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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
BenCoopersSupportWren · 24/02/2023 11:33

The main thing keeping me here is the FWR board, as TBF to MN they have been one of the few places to allow discussion about how the more extreme demands of gender ideology have an adverse impact on women's rights (albeit with some arcane and convoluted talk guidelines that sometimes make it more challenging to articulate concerns and subject to the All-Seeing-Eye of TRA external monitors).

The utter irony of MN holding the line on women standing up for their rights and for the safeguarding of children while also allowing conversations on underage sex for entertainment, not support, and making a part of the board prominent that's guaranteed to attract men with somewhat misogynistic views about women is not lost on me...

OP posts:
QueefQueen80s · 24/02/2023 11:33

Yeah it made me feel disgusted reading it.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 24/02/2023 11:33

Oh dear, I de-regged yesterday in, let's face it, a bit of a huff and this morning thought maybe I'd been a bit too hasty and poked my head back round the corner to find this. I should not have signed back up but just felt compelled to say that it isn't a coincidence that things escalated this quickly. On the safeguarding thread yesterday, @lilymumsnet confirmed to anyone watching (and of course there were lurkers with sinister intentions drawn to a thread called 'safeguarding on the sex thread'!) that Mumsnet do not know anything about safeguarding as the OP of this thread has explained so very clearly. Her response on that thread says: Mumsnet don't and won't do age verification, they have no intention of proactively moderating the sex threads and will only respond to reports - so no prevention of harm, only reacting to it after the fact - oh, sorry, she said they'd put an advisory message on the board! Which, if you go and read it, says don't be disrespectful. It's a klaxon call to perverts everywhere, so there is really no surprise that immediately afterwards someone started a thread soliciting accounts of underage sex. This is cause and effect in action. It was a green light, given by Mumsnet in their own words.

A thread which Mumsnet left standing for hours and have only hidden because it's 'causing some upset' as opposed to 'providing material for paedophiles'.

I'm shocked but unsurprised that Lily hasn't yet made her appearance on this thread, advising everyone once again to hide the board. With zero understanding of why that misses the point so entirely.

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:23

@Bamboux yes quite.

Mumsnet is going to turn into yet another cesspit, and I’m certainly not sticking around for the nasty, inevitable ride.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:16

ellieebie · 24/02/2023 11:09

Is the thread still there, OP?

I have the topic hidden now so didn't see it, but that thread does sound concerning.

I would also like to be able to post in places like relationships without being bothered by the men. I did receive something from a man in that section but it was a long time ago. MN dealt with it swiftly though.

It is really clear that the influx of male posters attracted by the sex board and its new prominence/lax rules has begun to affect the site as a whole.

There are a LOT of threads currently in relationships, aibu, chat etc. which are either started by men, or where men are dominating the replies.

For example, there is a thread about how women who don't immediately divorce their husbands are doing it to extort money from them, and another thread about how women belong in the home. There are also a LOT of male posters on the thread where a woman has found out her partner visited a prostitute.

The tone and balance of the whole site has noticeably changed.

The advice is much less valuable because it isn't women sharing our experiences and supporting each other any more; it's just another place where men can come and shout us down and ridicule us.

This was obviously always going to happen once they made these changes, but it's shocking how quickly it has happened and how blatant it is.

ellieebie · 24/02/2023 11:09

Is the thread still there, OP?

I have the topic hidden now so didn't see it, but that thread does sound concerning.

I would also like to be able to post in places like relationships without being bothered by the men. I did receive something from a man in that section but it was a long time ago. MN dealt with it swiftly though.

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:08

@BenCoopersSupportWren I would screenshot all your comments just in case they decide to remove this thread.

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 11:08

*too

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 11:07

SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:54

Yes, any suggestions for a new site would be very welcome.

I was thinking that to. It's such a great community but clearly there's a type of poster they want to be rid of. I thought perhaps a sale was in the pipeline but maybe it's been done already.

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:06

BIWI · 24/02/2023 10:50

@Bamboux

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. I might take the Low Carb Bootcamp elsewhere too.

@BIWI I was just thinking the only reason I stay here is for BC and one or two other long-running threads/discussions I’m on. I am so glad to see your comment!! I’m done here.

I am actually disgusted with Justine/Mumsnet. And extremely angry.

Sort your shit out FGS.

IneffableGenderFairy · 24/02/2023 11:00

If BIWI & OYBBK are going, I'm following. This is all very weird.

SproutingAbout · 24/02/2023 10:54

Yes, any suggestions for a new site would be very welcome.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 24/02/2023 10:52

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 10:42

Yeah, the site has really dramatically and rapidly thrown away its entire USP.

Imagine all those years building up a brand with privileged access to and trust with women, just to chuck it away because someone wiggled a vibrator and a few grand at you.

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. If we can find a space, I'll decamp to it and take my weather forcasting over there.

lummsnet · 24/02/2023 10:51

BIWI · 24/02/2023 10:50

@Bamboux

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. I might take the Low Carb Bootcamp elsewhere too.

Same. If you can point me elsewhere please could you

BIWI · 24/02/2023 10:50

@Bamboux

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

Me too. I might take the Low Carb Bootcamp elsewhere too.

papercutt · 24/02/2023 10:43

Unless I'm mistaken, it appears to off active now?

Igotjelly · 24/02/2023 10:43

I'm honestly disgusted that it's 10:45 and MNHQ haven't had the decency to comment on this thread.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 10:42

StEtienne93 · 24/02/2023 10:40

If MNHQ doesn't resolve this quickly, I'll be closing my account and going elsewhere. There are plenty of other parenting forums available now that this one has gone to the dogs. I suggest others do the same.
MN aren't looking after their core members and nobody (including the pervs!) are happy with the current situation. This has been raised repeatedly with MNHQ over the last week and yet they've failed to act on what their users want. The way it stands, they deserve to lose all of their users/members. And what will they be left with? A seedy little sex site, which are ten a penny.

Yeah, the site has really dramatically and rapidly thrown away its entire USP.

Imagine all those years building up a brand with privileged access to and trust with women, just to chuck it away because someone wiggled a vibrator and a few grand at you.

I would be interested in recommendations for alternative, woman-centred discussion forums.

StEtienne93 · 24/02/2023 10:40

If MNHQ doesn't resolve this quickly, I'll be closing my account and going elsewhere. There are plenty of other parenting forums available now that this one has gone to the dogs. I suggest others do the same.
MN aren't looking after their core members and nobody (including the pervs!) are happy with the current situation. This has been raised repeatedly with MNHQ over the last week and yet they've failed to act on what their users want. The way it stands, they deserve to lose all of their users/members. And what will they be left with? A seedy little sex site, which are ten a penny.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/02/2023 10:34

I don't consider myself prudish but I must admit to commenting lightheartedly on a couple of the sex threads and getting weird private messages after so it has put me off

ArtixLynx · 24/02/2023 10:30

Not sure what the hell the moderation Team are playing at currently, but this whole thing is just... stomach turning.

I've been here for nearly 16 years, and this is honestly one of the worst decisions i think they've EVER made... and i'm being sincere about that.

Theyresexpeoplemn · 24/02/2023 10:29

Thank you for your posts, OP. This is truly shocking. I hid the whole sex topic as soon as it appeared in active, so wasn't aware. Unfortunately, that's probably how these things are allowed to flourish. MNHQ normally respond quickly to threads in Site stuff, so this'll be interesting 🤔

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 10:24

And where the fuck are MNHQ? Or are they just putting together their “believe us this has been a topic of conversation in the office” disingenuous “now do shut up “ line?

If I worked for them I would be looking for another job, because I would be so embarrassed to have my name associated with this reputation.

Has Justine actually sold MN and we are yet to discover it? Or perhaps she’d like to emerge from her bubble of love and justify why victims of sexual abuse are seemingly no longer welcome here?

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 10:24

AmberGer · 24/02/2023 10:21

MN are digging their own grave.
There will be consequences.
HQ don't care. They've shown that.

They will care when it hits the newspapers. And the courts.
Hosting child abuse material on your website is massively, massively illegal.

Whinge · 24/02/2023 10:23

CrotchetyCrocheting · 24/02/2023 10:15

I got an email from mumsnet about that thread. They have removed it because it 'was causing some upset' and some people have since regretted posting on it. Talk about minimising allowing a thread detailing having sex with a child to be allowed stand for hours and hours.

I would hope that both the person that started that thread and the poster that posted the grim post about sex with a child have been banned from using mumsnet in future?

Wow and I thought they'd hit rock bottom with the hide the topic and we just wanted to try sex in active comments. Shock That's an awful response.

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