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References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
Igotjelly · 24/02/2023 12:43

Iusedtobedontcall · 24/02/2023 12:40

I have been on MN since 2007 and I’m appalled at the changes. Not only the sec topic but also the ads that are extremely triggering and upsetting and appear all over the site. And nothing is done even when the issue is raised.

Agree, MNHQ used to be empathetic. The response now is “tough shit”

Iusedtobedontcall · 24/02/2023 12:40

I have been on MN since 2007 and I’m appalled at the changes. Not only the sec topic but also the ads that are extremely triggering and upsetting and appear all over the site. And nothing is done even when the issue is raised.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:34

BenCoopersSupportWren · 24/02/2023 12:23

That's part of the problem though, isn't it? Make the site a magnet for sleazes and perves and genuine posters fall under suspicion when they try to post about a sex-related issue, especially one of child/teen development.

It's why the general troll influx across MN is so insidious and unhelpful. God help you if you have a genuine concern about your bowels, incontinence or the like...the poo and bed-wetting trolls have ruined any chance you have of getting taken seriously and receiving advice and support.

I don't think 18 posts total, including the thread in question, is much proof of anything.

More importantly, regardless of that individual poster, i am never, ever going to post anything about my children on this site ever again, and frankly I think any woman who does so is very misguided. x1000 if it's the sort of topic which will be of massive interest to any lurking paedos and perverts.

I would never have posted this sort of thing about my kids, but given the state of MN now, I won't post for parenting advice, or offer any, ever again. Which is a real shame, as this site got me through my whole parenting journey so far, from pregnancy to potty training to secondary school transition. And I've offered a lot of advice too, on everything from breastfeeding to travel. Fuck that. I'm not providing free content for a site that prioritises men wanting to wank over women needing a safe space.

BenCoopersSupportWren · 24/02/2023 12:23

SoupDragon · 24/02/2023 12:08

That one was started by someone who's posted consistently about their daughter since last year though.

That's part of the problem though, isn't it? Make the site a magnet for sleazes and perves and genuine posters fall under suspicion when they try to post about a sex-related issue, especially one of child/teen development.

It's why the general troll influx across MN is so insidious and unhelpful. God help you if you have a genuine concern about your bowels, incontinence or the like...the poo and bed-wetting trolls have ruined any chance you have of getting taken seriously and receiving advice and support.

OP posts:
SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 12:23

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 12:19

I did search their username and no other posts came up. I hope I’m mistaken.

The tone didn’t sound like a genuine concerned mum to me though.

Okay, apols. I’ve looked again and it does seem that poster has other posts. Maybe they are genuine.

But still naive at best and the thread shouldn’t be allowed to stand in that format.

Iwasntgettingasandwich · 24/02/2023 12:22

Very well put OP. I assume (and do hope) that the OP was just asking for short, light stories which loads of us will have because first time teenage sex can be funny and awkward and remembering it is fun.

The accounts of rape and child sexual assult stood out amongst all the others which were mostly humorous and they stood out because it is the Sex chat, where everyone is aware that there is explicit stuff and had to be actively sought out. People commenting very personal information about abuse on a thread which pops up in active isn't right (because it is not the place for support and is the place for frank sex talk)and it is mnhq who are allowing this to happen.

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 12:19

SoupDragon · 24/02/2023 12:08

That one was started by someone who's posted consistently about their daughter since last year though.

I did search their username and no other posts came up. I hope I’m mistaken.

The tone didn’t sound like a genuine concerned mum to me though.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:19

SoupDragon · 24/02/2023 12:08

That one was started by someone who's posted consistently about their daughter since last year though.

They've posted a grand total of 18 posts since the end of last year (which was 2 months ago).

Incidentally, my post just got deleted on that thread simply for asking them to clarify that what they wanted was for other users to share stories of their own adolescent children's sexual experiences and porn use. I'll repeat that. My post was deleted. But the thread asking for people to share those stories is still there.

FatSealSmugSoup · 24/02/2023 12:17

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:09

I think I saw the ad you're talking about. It was one of the most horrific images I've ever seen.

I’m sorry you saw that too 😔. I’d heard of such things by way of medical anatomy but this is the last place I’d expect to be confronted with such an image.

Thatcatisdrivingmenuts · 24/02/2023 12:11

That's sad @BIWI . It's a case of careful what you post, evidently.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:09

FatSealSmugSoup · 24/02/2023 12:07

The minute biwi/etc jump ship I’m right there.

The FWR has been wonderful but obviously garnered the attention of MRAs - and now MN has given them the green light to scatter their seed (🤔) throughout this site I’ve used 15 years for female, moral support as I trundle through life.

I created a thread a few weeks ago after being presented the most appalling image (stuff of nightmares) as per their ad networks. They deleted the thread and said they’d contacted me. 5% off a mark Warner holiday if you can guess correctly whether they did or not.

In some ways I wish I’d screenshotted the image - but there are those more “delicate” than me.

Anything for a buck around here now.

I think I saw the ad you're talking about. It was one of the most horrific images I've ever seen.

SoupDragon · 24/02/2023 12:08

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 11:35

The sex pests have discovered the “preteens” board now. Have reported.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/preteens/4750018-12-year-old-dd-online-sex-addiction

That one was started by someone who's posted consistently about their daughter since last year though.

FatSealSmugSoup · 24/02/2023 12:07

The minute biwi/etc jump ship I’m right there.

The FWR has been wonderful but obviously garnered the attention of MRAs - and now MN has given them the green light to scatter their seed (🤔) throughout this site I’ve used 15 years for female, moral support as I trundle through life.

I created a thread a few weeks ago after being presented the most appalling image (stuff of nightmares) as per their ad networks. They deleted the thread and said they’d contacted me. 5% off a mark Warner holiday if you can guess correctly whether they did or not.

In some ways I wish I’d screenshotted the image - but there are those more “delicate” than me.

Anything for a buck around here now.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:07

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:59

@EmmaEmerald I posted about LinkedIn yesterday - drawing attention to the number of senior people at MN who are responsible for things like Brand Partnerships, Growth, Revenue Growth, Strategic Planning.

In other words, it's no haphazard coincidence that the site is developing the way it is.

Wow. That's depressing. I mean anyone of us could probably make more money if we abandoned our morals and principles, right?

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 12:02

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:59

@EmmaEmerald I posted about LinkedIn yesterday - drawing attention to the number of senior people at MN who are responsible for things like Brand Partnerships, Growth, Revenue Growth, Strategic Planning.

In other words, it's no haphazard coincidence that the site is developing the way it is.

Oh I see. Thank you. Looks even more likely it's been sold.

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:59

@EmmaEmerald I posted about LinkedIn yesterday - drawing attention to the number of senior people at MN who are responsible for things like Brand Partnerships, Growth, Revenue Growth, Strategic Planning.

In other words, it's no haphazard coincidence that the site is developing the way it is.

BenCoopersSupportWren · 24/02/2023 11:57

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 24/02/2023 11:47

I'm really sad that men that get off on stories of paedophilia, grooming and underage sex have ended up on mumsnet, but not surprised. This is a parenting site. The only men that are going to specifically choose a parenting site for their sex chat, who are going to specifically seek out women with children to sex chat with, who are going to overlook the thousands of sex chat sites out there to specifically target mums, if having children is their main sex chat search criteria - why are we surprised that some of them might have an unhealthy interest in children, or might be wanting access to children? This seems to have been quite overlooked in the general discussion.

Who wants a wank and searches "parenting"? These are the new men coming to the mumsnet sex boards.

That's a really good point, Theredfox. Some of the cases I dealt with in my former CJS days were men who had specifically targeted single mothers with young children. It stands to reason that the same thing happens online.

OP posts:
Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 24/02/2023 11:47

I'm really sad that men that get off on stories of paedophilia, grooming and underage sex have ended up on mumsnet, but not surprised. This is a parenting site. The only men that are going to specifically choose a parenting site for their sex chat, who are going to specifically seek out women with children to sex chat with, who are going to overlook the thousands of sex chat sites out there to specifically target mums, if having children is their main sex chat search criteria - why are we surprised that some of them might have an unhealthy interest in children, or might be wanting access to children? This seems to have been quite overlooked in the general discussion.

Who wants a wank and searches "parenting"? These are the new men coming to the mumsnet sex boards.

MySugarBabyLove · 24/02/2023 11:46

Yeah, I’ll report alright. I’ll report to mn if a paedophile starts posting, and then I’ll take a screenshot every fifteen minutes the thread stays standing, and then once the thread is pulled I’ll send the screenshots to the authorities, the tabloids, and whoever else has the ability to make judgements which will affect mn. And I suggest everyone else does the same.

I’m not sure even the daily mail wants to be seen supporting a site which is happy to host paedophiles.

Oh and be careful one of those so called under age posters doesn’t turn out to be a police officer…

Festivfrenzy · 24/02/2023 11:39

Totally agree - where's the duty of care? Disgusting- why are MN so slow to fix this?

TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 11:39

@BenCoopersSupportWren Yes FWR kept me here for a long time too. I stayed for that, because they gave us somewhere to keep talking/shouting/raising awareness, and I was grateful.

But i think the future is going to be small, personal underground groups.

And I’m certainly not going to swim in sewage for old times’ sake.

EmmaEmerald · 24/02/2023 11:38

I saw a post about MN LinkedIn...I no longer have LinkedIn...was the "explanation" hidden in there?

WednesdaysPlaits · 24/02/2023 11:38

Absolutely agree. It’s out of control at the moment. I reported a thread in the middle of the night a couple of weeks ago which was two people exchanging photos of themselves. It was pulled but it’s clearly not what MN is supposed to be about.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:36

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 11:35

The sex pests have discovered the “preteens” board now. Have reported.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/preteens/4750018-12-year-old-dd-online-sex-addiction

Thank you. But what's the point in us all reporting these individual threads when, as @ProbablyNotAGoodIdea explains so eloquently, MN have very clearly given the green light to paedophiles and perverts?

SalviaOfficinalis · 24/02/2023 11:35

The sex pests have discovered the “preteens” board now. Have reported.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/preteens/4750018-12-year-old-dd-online-sex-addiction