Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Posters hiding the sex board won't change MN dynamics.

219 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 23/02/2023 10:17

This new policy of 'if you don't like it, don't look' doesn't seem to be about making Mumsnet a safer place more welcoming and inclusive place, it seems to be more about 'look the other way if you are offended'.

One issue with this is that once threads get into active, people then post in the wrong place. Explicit threads won't stay on the Sex board, they will migrate onto chat and AIBU and anywhere that gets more views. We see this all the time with various topics.

Changing the policy so that you only need to have been a member for 7 days before posting on creates another issue of course. It is much much easier for sex trolls to join and start harassing people and messaging them off board. I guess that might help revenue if you are getting streams of re-registering sex trolls coming in.

MN used to take safeguarding seriously.

I also think this actually will exclude people from getting support. You now either have to choose to hide the board and therefore if you have a question or an issue about sex, you can't ask in the right place. Or you have to enable it and see every conversation.

Imagine if you are a Mum with young kids, sex has gone down the pan and you want some advice. You might not want your partner to see it. Your choice is: hide the topic and don't get that help you'd like. Or enable it and risk your kids or your partner seeing the threads on your screen.

This is a separate conversation to the very valuable safeguarding conversation about the sex chat threads.

OP posts:
Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JustWantedToSayThis · 24/02/2023 12:23

Good God @Bamboux are you the MN nickname police now??

You and a few others on this thread should be very ashamed of yourself. Some of the posts aimed at @Surplus2requirements are nothing short of bullying.

@Surplus2requirements I admire your restraint and politeness throughout all of this, but I fear you're never going to get your point across to people who simply just want to pick on your every word and harangue you.

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 12:22

Ayeitsme · 24/02/2023 12:13

Yet God forbid you get accused of being a mansplainer eh?

Show quote history

It's something I try to be aware of and I'm fully aware I'm not perfect.

I think it pales a little compared to a member, a female member at that being accused of being happy to read accounts of child rape but that just my opinion.

Ayeitsme · 24/02/2023 12:13

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:56

I apologise if I've missed something. I obviously haven't read the post referred to.

Show quote history

Yet God forbid you get accused of being a mansplainer eh?

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 12:11

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:00

It's just quite a distinctive username. And having never noticed it until the past couple of weeks, I've seen it many, many times on all of the discussions that long-time users of this site - all women - are having about our discomfort and distress about the way this site has changed.

And yet, you continue to repeatedly post and attempt to dominate and control these discussions, ignoring and paying no attention to anything that anyone else has said, misrepresenting what is really happening, and utterly confident in your right to tell women who have been here for decades what we should and shouldn't want here.

Do you really think that, as adult women, we haven't been on the receiving end of exactly this sort of behaviour a LOT of times? If you succeed in driving away all of the women who see through the bullshit, congratulations. It won't be the first time that men who really can't stand to see women existing independently have felt the need to destroy it.

Show quote history

I do think that's a little unfair. I listen more than I post but when I do I get 3 or 4 responses that ask questions it would be impolite to ignore.

Honestly I don't wish to dominated the conversation.

BaroldFromEastenders · 24/02/2023 12:07

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:56

I apologise if I've missed something. I obviously haven't read the post referred to.

Show quote history

And yet you still marched confidently in to dismiss what women were saying about it, absolutely certain that you were right.

monsteramunch · 24/02/2023 12:05

@Surplus2requirements

I apologise if I've missed something. I obviously haven't read the post referred to.

Thanks for acknowledging you got it wrong.

In future though rather than bowling into a discussion confidently staying people are blowing things out of proportion, misrepresenting a particular post, being disingenuous etc... maybe don't assume you know the post they're talking about without checking?

Bit of a pointless contribution otherwise.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 12:00

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:53

You can think whatever you like, I'm not going into it here thanks

Show quote history

It's just quite a distinctive username. And having never noticed it until the past couple of weeks, I've seen it many, many times on all of the discussions that long-time users of this site - all women - are having about our discomfort and distress about the way this site has changed.

And yet, you continue to repeatedly post and attempt to dominate and control these discussions, ignoring and paying no attention to anything that anyone else has said, misrepresenting what is really happening, and utterly confident in your right to tell women who have been here for decades what we should and shouldn't want here.

Do you really think that, as adult women, we haven't been on the receiving end of exactly this sort of behaviour a LOT of times? If you succeed in driving away all of the women who see through the bullshit, congratulations. It won't be the first time that men who really can't stand to see women existing independently have felt the need to destroy it.

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:56

monsteramunch · 24/02/2023 11:44

That wasn't the post people are referring to, I'm not sure why you've stated so confidently that this post was the one in question.

It wasn't.

Show quote history

I apologise if I've missed something. I obviously haven't read the post referred to.

Sparklingbrook · 24/02/2023 11:53

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:50

Something I read on the safe guarding thread, or maybe one of the others. Beyond that I don't know

It's not unusual for threads to disappear and reappear

Show quote history

It’s usually ‘we’re receiving a high volume of reports’ or ‘to look behind the scenes’.
Deleted threads tend to stay that way (unless it’s different in the Sex Topic).

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:53

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:37

I mean it seems obvious to me, but perhaps you had a different meaning in mind.

Show quote history

You can think whatever you like, I'm not going into it here thanks

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:50

Sparklingbrook · 24/02/2023 11:36

As the thread has been taken down for review and not visible

I have never seen that as a deletion message. ‘For review?’.

Something I read on the safe guarding thread, or maybe one of the others. Beyond that I don't know

It's not unusual for threads to disappear and reappear

monsteramunch · 24/02/2023 11:44

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:07

As the thread has been taken down for review and not visible but still being commented on I think it needs to be said there was no 'story'.

A poster said in a single line cold statement of fact that she was raped as a child.

She followed that by saying it was cathartic to write down.

There was no elaboration and none was asked for though there was immediate horror and condolences expressed.

It's very disingenuous and potentially abusive to the member that made the post to try and make it something it was not and to use it to try and tarnish others.

That wasn't the post people are referring to, I'm not sure why you've stated so confidently that this post was the one in question.

It wasn't.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:37

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:28

I don't think you need or very probably want to know

Show quote history

I mean it seems obvious to me, but perhaps you had a different meaning in mind.

Sparklingbrook · 24/02/2023 11:36

As the thread has been taken down for review and not visible

I have never seen that as a deletion message. ‘For review?’.

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:28

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:21

What inspired your username?

Show quote history

I don't think you need or very probably want to know

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:22

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:17

No I didn't, I assumed it was the post from the girl raped in her bedroom

Show quote history

It wasn't. As you'd know if you'd read the thread. But it's just a lot of women talking, so you didn't.

Bamboux · 24/02/2023 11:21

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:19

It could be worse, I could be trolling...

Show quote history

What inspired your username?

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:20

Well, actually, in your own way ...

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:19

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:14

Back to mansplain then Hmm

It could be worse, I could be trolling...

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:17

LucyLeave · 24/02/2023 11:11

I take it you didn't see the explicit description of underage sex posted by a man then?

No I didn't, I assumed it was the post from the girl raped in her bedroom

BIWI · 24/02/2023 11:14

Back to mansplain then Hmm

LucyLeave · 24/02/2023 11:11

I take it you didn't see the explicit description of underage sex posted by a man then?

Surplus2requirements · 24/02/2023 11:07

As the thread has been taken down for review and not visible but still being commented on I think it needs to be said there was no 'story'.

A poster said in a single line cold statement of fact that she was raped as a child.

She followed that by saying it was cathartic to write down.

There was no elaboration and none was asked for though there was immediate horror and condolences expressed.

It's very disingenuous and potentially abusive to the member that made the post to try and make it something it was not and to use it to try and tarnish others.

Sparklingbrook · 24/02/2023 10:59

Rhondaa · 24/02/2023 10:51

'You have quite the 'disapproval list' yourself TBF'

Just folk shaming consenting adults posting on a dedicated board. We even had someone likening it been added to a sex chat at work! or being sexually harassed in a steam room. Seriously.

It is beyond a crazy overreaction and omg don't me started on sex toys ads how very dare they think sexually active adults may partake in that depravity.

omg don't me started on sex toys ads

Er I'll do my best.