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Original poster

It’s time something was done about the AIBU topic

42 replies

HeartsAndClubs · 25/03/2021 13:55

Quite apart from the fact that there really are no AIBU’s any more, it’s just seen as a free for all where people have the right to say what they want regardless of the consequences.

Posters being told they should post on a different topic so as not to be abused just isn’t good enough.

This is supposed to be a site for parents by parents, and while i appreciate that AIBU brings a lot of traffic the responses on there mean that MN is fast gaining a reputation as a fairly unpleasant place. Assuming that’s not the reputation you want MN to have then something really needs to change.

Just because a post is in AIBU doesn’t mean posters have the right to attack, abuse, criticise etc and victim blame that “if you didn’t want a harsh response you shouldn’t have posted in AIBU.”

OP posts:
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VioletViola · 05/04/2021 14:29

"Posting here for traffic - my head has fallen off and my body is covered in purple spots- anyone know what this could be?"

ClafoutisSurprise · 05/04/2021 12:55

Yep, it’s not just aibu. I’ve seen awful threads in relationships (amongst others) recently.

I think the problem is that problem posts are subjective. There was a relationships post recently that I thought was horrendously victim-blaming and MN commented to reassure posters that those posts would be removed. They left what I considered to be the very worst!

Probably not the right thread to air this, but I actually think MN has made me feel fairly down about my fellow humans. It’s not abusive posts so much as endless judgement and sneering, so not stuff that is reportable. Why am I here then? Because I’m completely and hopelessly addicted! But it doesn’t make me feel good, that’s for sure.

LBunz · 05/04/2021 12:16

The toxicity leaks out from AIBU too. Just yesterday I posted in parenting / pregnancy and while all but one of the posters were super helpful one... one just came to belittle me. It wasn’t outrightly offensive or insulting, but to come onto a thread that someone had posted for genuine help and advise just to say “why are you even having a baby since you know nothing about them” wasn’t trying to help, wasn’t trying to even stimulate a conversation. They were just trying to upset me. Luckily I know how pathetic this individual is as I’ve seen their name on here before and I shot them down, but others won’t and that much needed advice and support gets drown out by the negative attacks. What to do about it.. I’m not sure, but imo MN do need to be better at filtering out these nasty individuals who do nothing but seek to upset.

Sparklingbrook · 05/04/2021 11:51

@VioletViola

Exactly! The other sections wouldn't be lacking in traffic if people just posted in them instead of in the typically busier topics.
Medical problem? Completely bypass all the Health sub topics where you might actually get at least a few sensible measured replies. Straight to AIBU 'for traffic' and get loads of crazy replies. Grin
VioletViola · 05/04/2021 11:44

Exactly! The other sections wouldn't be lacking in traffic if people just posted in them instead of in the typically busier topics.

QueenOfTheDoubleWide · 04/04/2021 21:18

I disagree with you. Report any unpleasant posts but you can't expect to silence things because you don't agree with them

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2021 21:17

@VioletViola

I think the worst thing about it is that half the posts are mundane shite that actually belong in Chat but are posted in AIBU "for traffic".
I agree. Save AIBU for important petty gripes, and at least have an AIBU. If not Chat or even post in (shock) a topic suited to the subject. Imagine that. Shock
VioletViola · 04/04/2021 21:14

I think the worst thing about it is that half the posts are mundane shite that actually belong in Chat but are posted in AIBU "for traffic".

Mummaofboys93 · 04/04/2021 21:10

AIBU is the only reason I still come here.

I originally signed up to ask a question in regards to my pregnancy, but then got hooked on reading the AIBU & I literally come here daily now to have a browse or reply to posts. With AIBU people are asking for people's opinions & yes granted some people do go over the top & some of them I do think are nasty just to be nasty, but of reported MN I am sure will remove such posts. But when asking questions to get peoples opinions on you have to expect some responses to be harsher than others.

AgeLikeWine · 04/04/2021 20:58

YABU, OP. Wink

AIBU is one of the best things about MN. It gives people a place to exchange views honestly and robustly without tiresome real-world politeness getting in the way.

If that’s not what you want to read, fine. MN gives you the option of hiding the topic. I don’t want to read about the trans wars, so I hide ‘feminism chat’. Perhaps you should consider doing likewise?

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2021 20:51

There is a variation of this posted weekly. Just report anything to mnhq if you see something nasty, abusive or attacking, the mods tend to be very good and fast in removing them.

However do remember that not agreeing with a poster or not handing out tea and sympathy is not the same as being nasty, abusive or attacking. If you ask for opinions then you’ll get them, even ones you dislike.

Disliking the opinion does not automatically make it abusive. So you need to be able to differentiate between something genuinely abusive or attacking and just an opinion that you dislike or disagree with.

BertieBotts · 04/04/2021 20:47

It has always been harsh, but it's ridiculous now. I have hidden it as well as I found every thread I ended up on there annoyed the fuck out of me. It's much nicer on here now!

The main problem I find with AIBU these days is that nobody reads the whole thread as a conversation. They either respond to the OP - even when the OP has very obviously and clearly moved on (and even after the view all OP's posts feature was introduced) or they'll see one aspect of one response and latch onto that for the fight club.

The result is infuriating. Which might be what prompts people to be dicks...

DarkDarkNight · 04/04/2021 20:43

The problem is even if someone does choose another topic than AIBU if it appears on Active or Trending people often just pile in with nasty comments. I think some people just revel in typing nasty things anonymously.

Insomnia5 · 26/03/2021 12:17

I disagree. I’ve only been on Mumsnet 2 minutes and I already know what AIBU is all about. I browse Mumsnet out of boredom and it’s where I go for the controversial topics for a bit of entertainment. There’s plenty of other places to post, and the mn admin will remove threads if the poster wants them to

MNHQ
soniamumsnet · 26/03/2021 12:10

Hi, just dropping in to say thanks for all the comments. Posts in AIBU have the same talk guidelines as the rest of the site. Obviously, the nature of the topic is asking people to agree or disagree and so conversations can often be more robust than on other topics - but we’ll still delete personal attacks/NITS posts.

We will often move sensitive threads out of the topic if we think it’s appropriate to do so. Flowers

ExponentiallyDepleted · 26/03/2021 08:23

I'm one of the ones who has it hidden, I'm not trying to justify the abuse and I do take the point that it might mean fewer people reporting the nasty stuff. However there has been thread after thread like this over the years, MNHQ are clearly not going to change anything and if I didn't have AIBU hidden I'd have probably quit MN by now. I see the odd thread via trending but I mainly MN from my phone so it's only when I post from my laptop.

PatriarchyChicken2021Champion · 25/03/2021 16:32

@FamilyOfAliens

I would agree if it was the only board on here for general topics.

But we have Chat for people who don’t like the cut and thrust of AIBU. Personally I don’t think you can truly be a MNer unless you’ve started a thread in AIBU and had your arse handed to you on a plate.

A booble plate.

Wink
expectopelargonium · 25/03/2021 15:58

You've got a point there. People who would usually report abusive posts won't see them because they've hidden AIBU.

I've got it hidden, but of course they come up in 'trending' quite a lot anyway, so I do see some.

Original poster
HeartsAndClubs · 25/03/2021 15:54

I've started threads in Chat and had my arse handed to me just the same. I’ve seen that happen on other topics as well, and then someone will come on and say “this isn’t the AIBU topic,” as if that makes it ok.

Truth is that because most threads are posted in AIBU posters don’t distinguish any more so just carry on regardless of where a thread is posted.

OP posts:
Original poster
HeartsAndClubs · 25/03/2021 15:52

People who say “just hide the threads” are missing the point.

It’s not about people not wanting to read them, it’s about people who are genuinely posting for advice, sometimes in a vulnerable state, being abused with the justification that “well you did post in AIBU.”

To tell posters who object to that to just hide the threads you are essentially justifying the abuse of posters, and if those who don’t like it have hidden the threads then abusive posters are just free to continue.

OP posts:
expectopelargonium · 25/03/2021 15:52

@FamilyOfAliens

I would agree if it was the only board on here for general topics.

But we have Chat for people who don’t like the cut and thrust of AIBU. Personally I don’t think you can truly be a MNer unless you’ve started a thread in AIBU and had your arse handed to you on a plate.

I've started threads in Chat and had my arse handed to me just the same.
jessstan2 · 25/03/2021 15:46

I just click on 'Threads I'm on' and then 'Last Day'; I scroll down and look at the titles of threads to see what interests me regardless of which section they were originally posted.

FlyingBurrito · 25/03/2021 15:41

Mumsnet topics are a waste of time as they currently operate, either have them and actually moderate or don't bother.

At least they've been very good with moving covid topics but it can't take much time to move one, why not have a bunch of junior staff whose responsibility it is to move them, I don't think it would take long until posters started using the correct ones. They'd get better quality advice as well

somewheresorted · 25/03/2021 15:38

I agree with you OP, I’ve been on here years and I would say it’s got a lot worse, but perhaps I’m showing my age.

There was a thread recently where OP wanted help interpreting her blood test results. OP had got her maths wrong, but the responses and ridicule to her was just damn right vicious, it really made me stop and wonder who these posters were that sit behind their keyboards thinking it’s ok to fire this stuff off?

CirqueDeMorgue · 25/03/2021 15:37

@HeartsAndClubs i'm really pleased that there are people on here who DO think and care about how the person on the receiving end of unnecessary abuse is going to feel.