Is there a DV policy?

I'm so glad you've talked to the people who really know about this.

Mumsnet exists because it gives support. Women who are struggling ask each other for information. ..

Information is power 😀

That's great, thank you

Good response MN towers .

And well done Battleax for raising the issue.

all round

That's great! Thank you.

Thank you.

In my area, the police remove the aggressor either to another address or the cells depending on the aggressors behaviour and history.

They work with the charity Staying Put to try and help victims stay in the home, changing locks etc, making vulnerable persons reports to SS if necessary.

They have connections with Women's Aid and Rape crisis.

I naively thought this was a UK wide approach - it isn't but it should be as it's actually more economically viable in a time of budget cuts.

I do think though that the police in different areas react differently and where it might be better in one town to phone the police and seek a restraining order it might not in a different one.

In addition each situation is individual and therefore real life information is far more valuable.

These are very tricky situations and the difference between supporting and advising isn't always clear.

I do think there are times/ situations when run for your life is unfortunately the best advice.

I am not sure if that all makes sense outside of my head.

In my experience, a poster in those shoes isn't posting for advice unless it's advice specifically asked for, like where they would stand legally on certain things, for example.
What they really want, is SUPPORT. What they need, is to have an outlet. Most of the time, it is impossible or unthinkable, to actually tell someone in real life for fear of being judged, told what to do, not believed, provoking an angry response when well-meaning but unhelpful advice isn't taken straightaway.
So you come here and get what? All of the above. I wouldn't do it. I've been put off.

I experienced this many years ago, under a different name (and using a completely different account and email address).

I asked for help from mners because my husband had just hit me in front of the children, and I had called the police. I was told to leave IMMEDIATELY, and warned about all sorts of dire consequences if I didn't. It frightened the life out of me.

Advising me to leave in the middle of the night and go to a hotel wasn't helpful. I had no money. A refuge would have been dreadful, and so stressful for the children. My eldest had special needs which meant I needed to stay in my house (eventually I got an occupation order, and I'm still there 3 years later). There were no friends or family members I could stay with that night.

I got so busy telling everybody on mumsnet to calm down, that I almost started minimising the situation. They were telling me I was seriously physically unsafe that night, and I knew I wasn't - I knew that ex-dh had burned himself out with that single act of violence, and that I had time to make a decent escape plan. I nearly failed to recognise the actual risks - which were increasing emotional abuse for the children, threats of suicide and all sorts of other weirdness.

I've learned a lot about domestic abuse since that time. Being strangled is a risk factor. Threats to kill are a risk factor! (I saw a thread today where an op disclosed threats to kill, and some posters were advising her simply to change locks and throw his stuff out, without making it clear that a police record of his abuse would help to protect her and the children in the long run).

Maybe I'm not being very coherent, but this is a subject dear to my heart. I've seen (and experienced) some fantastic support on mn, and some very sensible advice, but have also seen some quite hysterical posts which aren't helpful. A woman who is on the process of realising that her partners behaviour isn't acceptable is not always ready to take immediate action, and real life people with some training (women's aid, ncdv etc) are probably much better placed to help her anyway.

To be honest morris I don't know. But I think, if I had been on mumsnet at the time, posted, and got told "if you don't LEAVE NOW, he's going to kill you" I would have absolutely fallen apart, more than I already was doing. I wish I knew what the 'right' advice was, but I know that some of the comments on the above link weren't it

No, I don't think so, because posters don't usually want to think of themselves as being in an abusive relationship.

I agree with all the posters on this thread. Often the "advice" on threads about DV is unhelpful, bordering on abusive. I'm glad MNHQ is going to take advice from Refuge and WA. Would an Abusive Relationships forum, with a big fat sticky at the top be helpful?

What advice would have helped you in that situation, whywont?

The thing is, as well, is that this advice isn't always helpful. In my case, police were called, he was arrested, and out of the house. Fine. But he got bailed the next day...and came back. I logged every single incident with the police afterwards, and although he was still on bail, they did nothing. I was advised to "go and stay with friends". Yes..because that's helpful isn't it

Yep..I've noticed this as well. Normally, the first post immediately after the op says. Police . NOW. ...and subsequent posters jump on this trend. It's never easy to get police involved, and never just as easy as LEAVE. NOW. I've been in a nasty DV situation which resulted in a restraining order. It was NOT that easy to "LEAVE. NOW" as some posters seem to think. For a start, it was MY house !!!!

Any response MNHQ?

I thought the same thing, Battleax.