MNHQ here: have you got strong feelings and personal experience about partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

Absolutely not on a ward. The Government should be funding the NHS properly so there are enough staff to help women with their newborns and not drafting in their partners to help them cope.

not on shared wards. no.

and patients on the postnatal ward (a mother who has just given birth is a patient who is potentially incapacitated) need appropriate care for herself and her baby from midwives and hcp!

Due to have my first little one in 6 weeks. If anything this post has just shown me I shouldn't be scared of the birth, I should be scared of the understaffed and underfunded after care. A partner could help in these situations, but it shouldn't really come to that. People with no water, wetting themselves because there's isn't someone to help you get out of bed, babies going hungry because no one comes when you press your buzzer. All sounds absolutely terrifying.

On shared wards, just no. Privacy, dignity, vulnerability. And noise!

I had pre-eclampsia. My baby was in NICU for 4 nights. I think i would have gone insane had dh not been allowed to stay. My mental state was dubious as it was!

I understand why women don't like it though. The obvious solution is seperate wards.

No, it's such a bad idea. Leaving aside the privacy issue, NHS wards aren't set up for that many people. Where will the men sleep and which toilets are they going to use?

Why do they even need to be there? Are partners allowed overnight on other wards?

*was feeling exhausted, ill and vulnerable that should read!

I just wanted another pair of hands to look after dd when I was feel exhausted, I'll and vulnerable... someone to ask questions, to take the baby so I could go to the toilet/ shower.
OTOH if I'd been on a ward with random strangers milling about I would've discharged myself the minute the epidural (I needed surgery for bad tear) wore off...

Do we need to email as well or is a comment on here sufficient?

I think it should be allowed but the minute you disturb people you are out
I had my first section and struggled bad, there was no one else in the room and I fell out of bed, it took 4 mid wife's to get me up, I was left without water, my baby was left to cry to sleep. The mid wife's wanted me up and showering but with nobody available to help me I couldn't so I got moaned at. Having my partner there was so much better. He even helped other woman who finally came onto the ward, was never intrusive or loud

In short - No. I don't think they should be allowed to stay.

I was in a private room but dH still had to leave (although it's not as if there was a bed for him to stay anyway so couldn't expect him to sleep in a chair).
I hated him leaving as it felt like so long until the next visiting time and I couldn't sleep (as dd would only sleep on me/try to feed and I was so scared of dropping her!)
I couldn't leave the room until dH returned at the next visit as I didn't understand hospital protocol and thought it unsafe to leave dd in her cot unattended to go to the loo/shower etc and on one occasion ended up wetting myself because I couldn't leave the room/pelvic floor not 100%.

It wasn't allowed when I was there, though they changed the rule a fortnight later to allow it. I'm so thankful that there were no men there. After a traumatic birth I was bleeding, and had no control over my bladder when meant that I wet myself the first time I stood up. It was my third night without sleep and I thought I'd be incontinent forever, so I was hysterical. Later, I started breaking wind uncontrollably and from across the dark ward a woman and her mother, who had just arrived, started laughing. I was devastated, thought I would never go out in public again. I didn't need my sleep deprived, panicking partner there to help me take care of my baby, although I certainly didn't feel capable of doing it safely myself. And I certainly didn't need anyone else's partner there to add to my humiliation and block the bathroom. What I needed desperately was some privacy and the support of an experienced midwife, which I didn't get at all. It was a terrible start to parenthood and really affected my previously good mental health for the worse.

No I don't.

I'm a survivor and there's no way I could have tolerated having partners on a post natal ward. Agree with pps that where special circumstances exist including high risk, additional needs or bereavement, private rooms could be used so that the father could stay to be additional assistance for the mother as post natal is horribly underfunded and understaffed.

I was once admitted to a mixed surgical assessment ward, in a mixed bay. It was deeply wrong and unnecessarily traumatic. One man simply leered and threatened all night - I only felt safe from him because he was in a cast to his hip. That experience compared with my later stay on all-female gynae ward tells me you cannot and must not oblige traumatised women to share safe space with men they don't know.

When you have just had a baby you are extremely physically and psychologically vulnerable. Partners aren't - they're usually totally physically fit (if slightly weary) - so they're far more of a potential threat.

It's equally unfair though that the partners are kicked out quickly after the birth. I had a relatively slow transfer up to post natal each time (about four or five hours) which allowed DH skin-to-skin time etc. I didn't know that wasn't standard. Some of it was because of eg stitches, and the needs of other labouring women and shift patterns rather than planning.

I don't think it should happen on a shared ward. My son's first night in the world was spent inches away (just a thin curtain dividing us)
from a couple having a big row and then very enthusiastic make-up sex.

been through it. shared ward. I'm a single mother. was fucking horrendous.

I think when people answer they should make it clear whether they were on a shared ward or in a private room. That makes all the difference.

I don't see the problem if you're in your own room. In which case it wouldn't have any impact on women in the ward.

Tbh I was very unwell after my c section due to loosing a lot of blood and the midwives were rubbish! I could barely move and they just left me to deal with it by myself and as a first time mum that is scary! If my partner wasn't there to help my daughter would have been in trouble

Yes - I think they should be able to stay.

I had a 5 day induction in a private room and I one was allowed to stay which was bad enough.

It culminated in an emcs. I lost loads of blood, was in masses of pain, catheterised and plonked in a post-natal ward at 5am after two midwives roughly wiped me down with wet wipes. My aunt had offered to stay and wash me but they said they'd do it and it was disgusting - I felt woeful.

I hadn't slept properly in 5 days, I couldn't speak and had NO help. Midwives were busy with emergencies, didn't assist with breastfeeding, didn't do anything actually.

The second night in I had breastfed for 4 solid hours - not cluster feeding - a solid 4 hours. Any attempt to move him and he screamed. I couldn't eat or drink or go to the loo. A midwife only helped when my newborn pissed all over the bed and I just started crying.

If there is someone to help you then I have no objection to partners not being allowed to stay, but if they haven't the resources then they need to allow you to have help.

I was pretty far from the 'worst' you could be after a cs so I can't imagine how people might feel after a more traumatic time.

Understandably the majority of resource is taken ensuring safe delivery but we still need help afterwards.

It was the worst experience of my entire pregnancy and that's after horrific piles and 3 months of SPD.

On shared wards, just no, no, no.

I'm currently in the hospital now as I'm only 28 weeks and already gone into labour twice, I've also been diagnosed with placenta abruption, so any minute now I could go into labout with my little boy, i have been in my own room for 9 days, and they would NOT let my husband stay with me, even though I am not sharing with any other women. It was very hard to watch him go, knowing I could go into labour any second through the night, and him potentially missing it.

I completley agree with no partners on shared wards with other women, I was originally on one until I got my own room, and would ask my husband to leave for 6PM although deadline is 10PM, as I believed woman needed there privacy, and some like to go to bed early.

But it has really disheartened me with me being in my own room. He got 'chucked out' the other night, When I was in pre term labour, and having steroids :( the thought of me possible giving birth that night without my husband there sickened me.

I was very glad my husband was allowed to stay. Both my babies were born at about midnight, so I was up in the ward at about 1or 2 ish. I'd have been pretty upset if my husband had been sent home only hours after I had given birth. With dc2 I hadn't slept for 48 hours and I was exhausted. I really needed him there. Knowing he wAs there with our brand new baby enabled me to get a few hours sleep.

I had my partner there. Lots of women did.

I thought it was brilliant and was part of the reason I chose that hospital. The support from a partner is something you can't get from anybody else. It can be a lonely and scary time, and sometimes you need that support.

My labour wasn't easy (who's was really), and ended in an EMCS, so I was grateful I had somebody with me who could speak up for me when I was exhausted and go and get things I needed. That time was very difficult for me emotionally, it was depressing, and it would have been worse had I been alone.
There were two sections on the ward though, one part very close to the midwives station that we had to keep curtains open in- you would be there in the few hours after a c section to make sure you didn't have an emergency, and then another section further away from the nurses station where people could draw their curtains. There were not many women there without a partner, and everybody had their curtains closed.
Nothing could have matched the support my partner gave me in those crucial hours and days. I would never willingly choose a hospital that didn't allow him to stay. And with midwives being so stretched, I think it's more important than ever to get that extra support.

I remember on the first night. I was so exhausted I kept falling asleep while I was sitting or half standing, many times when I was trying to breastfeed. I'm lucky my partner was there to help during that time. I don't know how I would have done it safely otherwise. Once, I fell asleep while feeding the baby and we both almost fell off the bed, he was there keeping a watchful eye to make sure that didn't happen.
Another time, I had been given some options and chose one. I was so exhausted I wasn't thinking straight or really knowing what was going on, so didn't notice when the consultants almost gave me the other option, again, lucky he was there to stop it and remind them what i had chosen.
Another time, the buzzer dropped behind the bed. He got it for me. God knows what I would have done had I been there alone and needed to press the buzzer.

I think the support of a good partner during those exhausting and emotional times is just something that can't be matched. I would have been gutted had I not had that.
The next child I have, I will once again make sure it's a hospital that allows partners.