Puzzled that joke is probably too good

There are probably a lot of Father's Day roasts going uneaten south of the Highlands today

NEW COMPETITION! One for those with craft-orientated children (nieces/nephews/DGCs/charges etc): for a craft kit and a colour-in tablecloth...

What’s your favourite place in the UK, or your favourite journey within the UK?

WINNERS' CORNER

For her 'three things about the UK' entry: MrsHathaway who listed 'Green spaces
Orderly queues
Self-deprecation'

Which was in itself nice and orderly.

I'll take one for the team

Is anyone else dreaming about trifle now?

I'm... allergic... to water?

Here's my very dim dog, Kasper, looking for his stick (which went on the fire yesterday).

HANG ON I've just realised yesitsmeidontcare claims to be walking her cat and I think I need to know more

fruitbats yes, my cat is 22 - well we think she is, she was a rescue so it's all a bit of an estimate. I've definitely had her for 20 years though. DS1 says the oldest cat on record was 40-something, although frankly DS1 talks a lot of nonsense sometimes

here she is complaining about the heat while wearing a fur coat

That human fruit machine is genuine genius

These young Spanish men are very forward

Took us ages to get the stick-work right, Tressilians. Let's just say IonaMumsnet took the opportunity to work off some frustrations

Photo of us having a nice sit-down during the clog-dancing rehearsal

MrsH I can't believe nobody gave you a seat! What arses. Someone nearly fainted on my train a couple of weeks ago and about 12 nice young men leapt up and practically had a fight about where she should sit

Of course, Autumnal - we're just sewing the jingly bells on our costumes, will be ready to start any minute...

Ah, cheers, BadBadKitten - it was actually quite a calm shift, all told. Have had worse ones!

On a very hot day last summer I was on a hugely overcrowded commuter train that came to a complete stop outside Vauxhall and just sat there for 20 minutes. Drops of other people's sweat were landing on my arms, aaargh

UK thoughts:

Strawberries and Cream
Amazing dry humour
Home

Three things about the UK:

landscape
family
terrible public transport

Treble measure of neat Pimms for DawnMumsnet

Room for one more?

My day in five words...

Trolls
Troublemakers
Sockpuppets
Goadyfeckers
PBPs

but the good news is, I'm clocking off now!

Any Pimm's left, Rowan? Don't bother with the lemonade and ice and fruit and all that nonsense, just on its own is fine, ta.

We could try to devise a drinking competition... just so long as nobody's holding MNHQ responsible for any consequences

Hello fruitbats. Have a Coke and a banana and possibly some paracetamol. You've missed the joke comp but...

NEW COMPETITION
For a bottle of Pimms :

What three things do you think of when you think of the UK?

WINNERS' CORNER

We have consulted a selection of joke experts and the winner of the 'crap children's jokes' competition is STDG for her entry:

What is the difference between a duck?
One of its legs is both the same.

Congratulations STDG for this very well-deserved recognition of crapness. We will DM you to get your details

I would like to complain about the eight-year-old bottle of brown sticky liqueur I got in the tombola, please

This will be mine - mwhahahaha

Stupid internet.