Disablism

As a disabled poster I'm finding even this thread difficult because I just feel the point gets lost.

Pagwatch summed it up best whenshe posted how no-one likes to think of themselves as harbouring any prejudices and therefore get affronted with the suggestion that they might - my view is that much of the problem is things that have been "badly expressed" but have revealed unconscious prejudice. When this is challenged a chorus of "oh no, no, I didn't mean that" comes out, is supported, and the person who pointed it out is turned on, but on some level they did mean it or they wouldn't have put it that way. But holding up a mirror to it just causes resentment, because nobody likes being told they are prejudiced. The same OP often with a very minor rewrite is the same issue and not disablist at all, but that minor inclusion has revealed unconscious bias IYSWIM?

I have a self-imposed ban on disabled related threads now, all of them, because it just isn't worth the upset. I come on here to relax and chat not to get upset and feel worse about the world. I don't want to be responsible for educating the world and his wife, I just want to snark at awkward tv moments and cringe over bad Facebook posts, and marvel at shocking behaviour from mils, and Bounty reps, and scandals involving SILs dog, you know what I mean?

But then I click on a thread and someone is debating the merits of allowin her child to not invite the sn kid to his party and I'm just that we still live in a world were that's even a debate as to whether that's OK or not. I was that kid in 1988. Best friends mum thought it was "too much hassle"

I don't think anyone is evil just in need of having some cop on before they press post just as they would IRL life before opening their mouth, like, would they still say it if it said Emma Jones* and not 'EverySongbirdSays'

*not my name

Sounds v unpleasant for you, aye.

Aye I am afraid that I and a good few other posters saw it as completely the opposite to how you describe but it is probably best not to rehash it all on this thread.

No apology necessary Watcher
But the wine is always welcome

I apologise Pag I thought it was referencing part of my post.

Smart it was last week, and one particular poster just lost the plot with me when actually I was challenging disablist comments, but not ones which weren't (unintentional or otherwise) and she just flew for me. MNHQ removed a good few of her comments, but she followed me the whole day just attacking anything I said. It was shit.

I'm still seething at the bullying that went on ion the last thread why was it allowed to get into that state? Why were 6 posters allowed to gang up on one person and make threads about them?

Can we please stop this, I'm Jason and i was banned for very good reason, i totally agree with what mumsnet did and I asked to be banned.

What i did can't go without punishment, it was awful. I didn't understand the word fully but i knew it was something bad. and responding with I don't care don't, hijack the thread was really nasty.
This doesn't excuse the bulling from other members though.

The period after when i could still post under the email address wasn't handled very well, I sent you 7 emails HQ and even though i was honest about this you would post to say goodbye to the G&C??? I guess blocking banned user mail is policy?

oh well, i've made a few accounts since and said my goodbyes. (i will be deleting this one too now)
I am sorry, but please understand I wanted the ban, i asked for it. Please stop accusing HQ of siding, I just want to clear this matter up, in this case it was justified.

Navy I'm sure people said exactly that about the civil rights movement,

Pag, I am very much agreeing.

And, for the record, both my boys have experienced blatant and also unintentional disablism in their lives and I always challenge it, I always have and I always will.

I can't say I've seen those aye. Admittedly, I have only been back on mn a month or so, so may well have missed them.

Smartleather

Im actually not sure if you are agreeing with me or arguing with me but I'm properly laughing at you imaginary thread

(And often totally an arsehole)

You see Pagwatch, I don't think that it does, and I'm not trying to be difficult or of course to rehash the thread.

But I do think most people mean well and most (by no means all!) will avoid posting if posting will cause distress.

The posts like that one aren't the ones I mean Smartleatherbag, I abhor those because they're wrong. I'm talking about a minority (none of whom are on this thread I might add) of posters who attack anyone who dares to have a different opinion to them and makes personal attacks and tells people their opinions and experiences are invalid because they're not the same as theirs.

There are no good names on MN.
It had a short memory
Post honestly and openly and discuss stuff.

Just don't endlessly, reflexively post about 'this is my child' and SN and then happily add on to a thread stigmatising supported living for teenagers with challenging behaviour because it really does make you a hypocrite.
I know you don't want to be. I know it's not comfortable. But maybe if we all take a deep breath we can work out why people would like brilliant support for challenging teenagers without living next to it - my guess would be funding which results in inadequate support.

Watcher - I've no clue who you are or what you posted so no, not aimed at you.

FTR, i am not one of those people 60s :)

I'm always willing to try and explain, and help.. unless someone IS actually being a troll, like the kind of people who claim ADHD isn't real, or a meltdown is just a tantrum...etc.

Aye, as Pag says, I'm ok with getting my arse handed to me on a plate if I'm being an arsehole. I've experienced this many times.
The threads where disabilism come up go this way. I think I've learned the script:
Op: unintentionally disabilist
P1 That's not on. Here's why
Op fair point
P2 ZOMG! HOW DARE YOU,P1, DISABILITY BRIGADE. Op was entirely legitimate
P3: Yea, stop bringing disability into everything. You're obsessed
P1 But its really shit. We're constantly discriminated against.
P3 Oh now you're hijacking and emotionally manipulating
P1 OK ffs, I'm not
P2 No need to be so fucking rude! Personal attack!
Blah, blah
MMHQ Everything is fine.

I agree Sunshine I also don't like to think of people being upset.

Anyway I'm off as I've not long come out of hospital & the local anaesthetic is wearing off.

There are several posters for whom nothing will do except abject agreement. If you disagree with them, you are disablist / a twat / GF. I'm not scared to post as such, it just feels kind of pointless.

And I call bullshit.

We are not twisting things.

We are supportive.

I disagree with the oft trotted out stereotyping that we twist things and are unsupportive.

It's just a negative stereotype.

People dontt like to be disagreed with do they!

It would be great if posted could RTFT and take on board the informative educational posts instead of trotting out the same old stereotyping negative statement with no evidence or examples.