Disablism

I dont think its appeasement.

Every day life is much more different than on a forum. I have no issue in walking away from something on here if something in my RL requires my fight and attention.

DS and his schooling right now are a big battle, it fills my day, and as we approach half term i'm fucking exhausted from what feels like a constant battle of wills to make sure the school are providing for him and supporting him and following his EHCP.

I would love to educate the world, but sometimes i need to accept i just need to educate the people in DS's

All lifted from the deleted thread Candy, and here is another classic from you:

CandyMcJingles Sun 16-Oct-16 19:51:40

Whilst I am musing in this, it's occurred to me that it's funny that people think I might be easily offended.

Having a disability can make a person extremely resilient.

What it also can do is finely hone your bullshitometer.

I'm not offended necessarily by some posts. I just smell the bullshit, and being aresilient hardy type, am ok with calling Bullshit! Bullshit! Look over here, there's a big pile of steaming bullshit!

I chose to do it because the alternative is worse.

It doesn't always make one popular though, being the one who draws attention to the unpleasant stuff.

But if I don't i'll drown in the stuff because it's everywhere, I need the bullshit to be cleaned away so i can carry on.

I'm lucky I can be vocal. Not everyone can and not everyone gets the opportunity to be listened to. They get drowned out by other voices and slowly get swallowed up by inaccessibility and isolation,

So it's not that I'm offended , or over sensitive, or a troublemaker, or seeing fault where there is none.

I'm just calling you out in it. And I'm ok with that :D

And if don't understand that it's because YHGAFC (you haven't got a fucking clue)

Everyone has there own measure of whether a battle is worth fighting. Maybe that is appeasement. I call it picking your battles and keeping your powder dry for the battles that are genuinely worth it
Fwiw I agree with you Toffee

Truly excellent posts Switzerland

Remember, you must also be grateful If you at allowed, you must be a saint, you must not complain, you must not go looking for trouble and above all don't make others anxious or uncomfortable about disability

And you'll be fine

Seriously though, best of luck.

maybe it is.

But I have to say life is pretty easier for now. Mostly because the stinks I have very successfully kicked up are reaping their benefits currently. They have also reaped some pretty awesome benefits (often unanticipated) to those around DS as well. I have no doubt there are battles to come.

Everyone has there own measure of whether a battle is worth fighting. Maybe that is appeasement. I call it picking your battles and keeping your powder dry for the battles that are genuinely worth it.

MiscellaneousAssortment Sat 15-Oct-16 19:33:08

It's so embedded into our society it's hard to see it from within society.

It's when you're kicked out, or have another perspective that allows you to see beyond the cultural norms, rules and implicit beliefs.

On an individual level it's hard to confront the underlying assumptions that you yourself carry. It's hard to change people's minds when those people would rather bury all those assumptions as it would create a conflict in their own sense of self.

Who would want to realise that their own underlying, unvoiced and unquestioned beliefs meant they were in fact, against equality, against the legislation that makes disabled people equal to non disabled people?

No one wants to be 'that person', it really fucks with your sense of pride and self. You believe in your own kindness, liberality, equality for all, or the modernity of your values. Having some mouthy disabled bitch come along and reveal that maybe you're not quite as kind, liberal or modern as you thought you were.

Easier to bash that disabled person down than challenge and develop your own unquestioned assumptions.

Add to that the general fear of doing and saying the wrong thing in front of an actual real life disabled person, or the squeamishness of people who don't know how to deal with the differences... And, you don't exactly get a situation where mutual understanding, learning and empathy flow.

And that's why disablism is rife throughout our culture.

MiscellaneousAssortment Fri 14-Oct-16 20:16:01

I have a problem with the societal attitude towards disability in general, as it is reflected in its most uncensored manifestation on MN.

This.

I have experienced life as a non disabled, non different normal person. And I now experience life as a not normal, not 'one of us' disabled person.

I have intimate insight into the dramatic drop in value you are judged to have.

It's crucifyingly painful, to know that I am now judged as valueless. And that all those nasty little assumptions and stereotypes lurking in the back of people's brains, well, they now have a direct effect on whether my life continues, whether they will 'allow' me to work, whether they will 'allow' me to go outside my home. Whether I'm allowed to be a proper person, like they are.

It's hideous and I can't dwell on it too much because it breaks my soul.

So many of the shit I have to go through, that other disabled people have to go through on a daily basis... It's not caused by my physical illness and pain, it's caused by the insidious and widespread attitudes and exclusion by other people. By society.

And that's what Mumsnet doesn't understand. They think disablism is just the obvious stuff. The guys in the van who wind down their window to shout about them 'paying' for me and I'm a waste of space (btw I'm pretty sure I pay more tax than them, but I look disabled, which equals drain on society). But that stuff is easier to deal with than the stuff that sounds superficially ok on the surface, but is based on a disablist stereotypes that the person doesn't even realise they have.

It's the people who make decisions for me, like, 'you can't do X', or who cannot compute that I am a mother and a person, not a dependent lump of fat that needs moving around like a piece of furniture, or that needs organising, like I'm the child.

Or out of pity, like 'oh, you shouldny be working if you're that ill, why don't you go back home to your family' (OK from a friend, not so great from an employer!)

Or fuelled by hidden needs of their own, like, it's more convenient or comfortable for them if I am not included.

It's the people who sound nice, but their words are based on something that needs challenging... this is what Mumsnet can't quite grasp at the moment.

That's great if that's your take on it and that works for you.

And it sounds very appeasing.

However that doesn't work for others. Maybe they accept some impacts are unavoidable.

If everyone was an appeaser, progress would never happen.

Not kicking up a fuss doesn't mean there isn't a problem. It might make for a quieter life but not necessarily an easier one.

I often don't bother to post when a bunch fight looms.

but (making a probably foolish exception) FWIW I don't find most of the threads labelled here as disablist. I've been in the position of being the colleague who quite decidely wasn't pulling her weight because I was caring. It was a problem and the strain on my colleagues must have been hard. Does it mean they can't or shouldn't discuss the problem?

Yes a whole society improvement on provision would do wonders for many of these problems. But realistically it isn't going to happen anytime soon so most people will end up discussing problems and solutions on an individual basis (eg no one wouldn't buy the house, I ended up quitting work to care)

I often think the same with some of the other threads meantime here.

We need movers and shakers to move and shake. but I think sometimes when you become accustomed to fighting because you damn well need to be, you can end up fighting the wrong people and losing track of what is and isnt moderate language.

Especially if it is something you feel strongly about

Oh goodness, just googled and its really a promoted cure for Autism hyped thing. Ment to administer a form of bleach orally too - its implied it has lead to non UK deaths. Cure by death!

I've just googled it, what the actual fuck

Surely bleach enemas can't be legal? There must be something in child protection laws that stops it?

Candy :( I posted ages ago up there somewhere about how much I've been enlightened by you guys over the last 10+ years. I understand why you feel you need to do it but v sad. Take care xx

Yeah, I'm not seeing any change. Reported a post an hour ago. Nothing.

Hi hate, I've deregged and waiting for it to kick in.
MNHQ response to disablism is inadequate and protecting the uncomfortableness if others but not the hurt of those impacted by disability.
I don't accept it and I'm voting with my feet.

I don't respect someone's right to assault their child, no. Because that's not a right, it's disgusting. But I've been repeatedly told that I'm wrong or that I have no idea about disablism and I will challenge that, because I do know what it's like to see my boys facing that and I do challenge it. Just because someone doesn't agree with something, doesn't give them the right to launch personal attacks on here and over private message.

I just looked that up and died a bit inside.

I don't hold those opinions, so I'm not sure why you're having a go at me about them. I've never even heard of a bleach enema before, and frankly wish I hadn't. I don't "normalise" my children either. But since you don't respect my opinions, I fail to see how any kind of dialogue is worthwhile.

A bleach enema isn't that assault?!?

Why has candy deregged??

PolterGoose I didn't say it was? I said that my opinions were equally as valid, not more important than anyone else's. Why are you twisting what I said?