A pondering about the Sex topic (and wider)

I think saying "no judgement" is a little OTT - I mean, I agree with it, but I don't entirely think saying it on a sticky is quite in line with the rest of MN.

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice; please keep it friendly looks better to me.

I don't even think it's wrong sometimes for people to express revulsion, disapproval or concern that an op is being coerced.
I can't see any reason why expressing revulsion or disapproval is acceptable. If someone has a legitimate reason to object to a practice then it's fine to explain it, but "ewww, that's disgusting" is of no help to anyone, but "you need to be careful about ...." may well be
It would also be fine to say "I could never do that" or "That's not for me"

Concern that the OP is being coerced is fine, but the insistence that "women only do that to keep their man happy" is not helpful and it is positively insulting to women! And there's a fine line between genuine concern about the OP and judgement that the OP couldn't possibly be a willing participant.

Other peoples' opinions are welcome as long as they add to the discussion.

I don't even think it's wrong sometimes for people to express revulsion, disapproval or concern that an op is being coerced. There are things I engage in that others don't; I'm interested to hear others' opinions. Sexuality is interesting, and worthy of discussion.

Also there have been posters who give strong indications that they're only doing something to keep their man. This should be questioned.

Moreover, if someone ever does post about something which is beyond the pale, I'd expect and want them to be challenged.

There are ways of doing all this without deriding the op however.

Yes I agree, no need for direct experience but rest is great!

I agree with

This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice, not judgement, any posts offering disgust or are overly judgemental of the discussion at hand will be deleted.

Perhaps something as well like - we acknowledge that the nature of discussion leaves the potential for trolling. As elsewhere on the site, if you think someone is not what they seem, please report and ignore.

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice, not judgement, any posts offering disgust or are overly judgemental of the discussion at hand will be deleted."
I think that would suffice.

I'm not keen on "only post if you have direct experience that will help the original poster". I don't think you have to have had direct experience.

I'd keep it to:

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice; please keep it friendly."

Perfect!

What kind of thing did people have in mind?

How about:

"This is the sex topic, there will be adult conversation. People look here for advice, not judgement, any posts offering disgust or are overly judgemental of the discussion at hand will be deleted. Keep it friendly and only post if you have direct experience that will help the original poster"

MrsBruce that's all very well if you don't want to post on the sex board because you're unsure about the veracity of some of the posters on there. Tbh I haven't really seen any posts which are obviously from men looking to get their rocks off, but I don't go on there much.

However, even if there are, then it has to be accepted that (genuine) posters are adults who are on there because they want to to be, and are perfectly at liberty to ignore any dodgy posts or questions. Derailing genuine threads people have started for advice or a discussion, by either troll hunting or numerous "Urgggghh, how disgusting!", posts is just a bit off really.

That thread on swinging was full of pp saying how disgusting and dirty it was, if that's not pearl clutching, I don't know what is..

(All by pp who had never been and so didn't know WTF they were taking about!)

That's just semantics SparklingBrook.

Same as it is possible to "hear" things and "see" things.

Not sure how screaming is actually possible on an online forum. As for 'pearl clutching' - v overused.

Quote from a poster on the swingers thread from last year

In general, I'm not surprised by the amount of mundanes screaming and pearl clutching on this thread

That kind of proves the OP's point though.

Or was lots? ( Brain blip!)

I didn't see that thread but if recent threads are anything to go by I imagine there WERE lots of ' pearl clutching and screaming.'

Quote from a poster on the swingers thread from last year

In general, I'm not surprised by the amount of mundanes screaming and pearl clutching on this thread

But I as I said i have the topic hidden now so it's all good. Maybe things have improved.

Agree with Bruce about the men.

people were getting labelled 'mundanes' for not thinking swinging was the best idea ever.
There was a comment on a swinging thread where a poster just said that a mundane sex life wasn't for her. It's the same when people have said they get bored if they just have vanilla sex. Other posters then get very defensive and complain that they are being called boring, dull, mundane etc when they really weren't.

Someone posts to say that they are really excited because they are going to a swinging club, has anyone else ever been. There's a whole load of replies to say that it's disgusting, that it's being unfaithful, that it's only men who really want to do that.
I just don't understand the need to comment on a thread like that when you so clearly disapprove, you have no personal experience or knowledge to share and you can't accept that other people enjoy things different to you.

There are several men who post apparently solely on the sex board (although I am aware they might use other names elsewhere) and seem to revel in oversharing about their own sex lives, and aggressively questioning other (genreally women) posters about theirs. Anyone who points this out on a thread where it is happening will generally be accused of being a) a prude, b) a man hater who doesn't realise that this isn't a women-only site, or both. I know you can't tell for sure the sex of a poster, but I do find this really, really off-putting and would never post on the sex board as a result.

Glad to hear it. Just the word 'mundane' had me .

I think the Sex Topic should be more troll free due to the 3 month thing.

Sparkling I've noticed very, very little scoffing at people for being 'mundanes' on the Sex topic. I think the people who would be inclined to do so don't bother visiting it anymore.

I also get the feeling that there are far fewer troll ops on the Sex topic, as opposed to AIBU, Relationships or Chat, which is surprising but refreshing.

There has always been slut shaming and those keen to police female sexuality. It is no surprise that the Sex Board attracts people who wish to do just that.

"Prude shaming, kink shaming, it all comes from the same place, a heavily socially ingrained dislike of the idea that women might actually like sex and want to talk about it."

Well, prude shaming comes from the opposite obviously, but I think they're both part of the way women are categorised for their sexual behaviour/attitudes.