MNHQ - are they disabilist?

I just came into site stuff to nag MNHQ about something disablist and saw this thread already up and running. So seems sensible to add my complaint here as it feeds into the bigger picture of the MNHQ approach/attitude to disability issues.

Two days ago there was a non-member request for 'opinions on ADHD children' (yes I know, I KNOW) which took about 48 hours, and some of you long-timers coming on and shouting loud, to be deleted. Now the fuckwit OP from Wall to Wall Television has just reposted. Presumably she's paid the £50 or however much it is, again - I can't see why it has been allowed and it's pissing me off.

here

I meant genteel as in without me..Mrs angry. Which seems to be what is better suited to MN. Not a dig. OK anyway whatever. I know what I meant

And you are. Which is a compliment and not a dig. Straight up.

I post many posts a day which are just trying to help people and not being angry.

I get angry maybe a couple of times a year yet that's remembered and I'm some sort of angry person.

I am just not suited to MN methinks.

I often post in a non angry manner in fact

Sorry. .my genteel was actually meant to be a compliment and not a dig at you.

I did feel a bit embarrassed that someone was going at me hard and then got offered toast all cosily but that's my issue. I wasn't going at you.

I guess I don't feel I should change my approach. As someone just said there is an issue with being angry. Rather than people being flamed for being angry I guess I'd rather more people got angry and tried to stop others being dicks I guess.

Instead of flaming the people who get angry.

Anyway hope that makes my point more clearly.

Pag you won't recognise my 'name' (I change it too often) but thanks s lot to have once again explained things in such a calm way
I have seen you again and again stepping in and explaining always in such a measured way.
Thanks for that because these are explaining so well what I live and I can't always explain (even if my own issues aren't about disability)
It also explains so much about how others are living and the issues faced by disabled people
Thanks b

Fanjo

I have plenty of occasions where I am just angry, where I feel upset and got at and respond.
I do that all the time and I'm make no apology about that.

There are days and moments where I can step back and be more analytical and it feels less raw.

We are not a hive of people and that ebb and flow of emotions is appropriate.
You don't need to take a step back, change your approach or be less angry and express yourself differently.
But similarly I don't need to support other parents dealing with SN or express myself to suit others. That would be ridiculous.

So whatever the thing about being 'genteel' is all about, I'm just posting as I feel. My posts are not meant to impact or reflect in any way upon yours.

Bourdie I hadn't seen your initial thread but thanks a lot for this one.

I do think that people on MN have an issue with people being sarcastic and upset/ angry. I've been there too. Not about been disabled but about my own chronic health issues.

And I have found the same thing happening than I see on here. People who are well getting upset when they are told haven't a clue for commenting with their able bodied/good health hat on and with no real insight of what it means to be ill or disabled.

*P

Think I will crawl into a hole for a bit.

Pag can do the educating so much better than me.

I wanted best for OP but hard to feel welcome somewhere where you spend days being called a twat, deranged, a poor parent (without resorting to any PAs) and all sorts with only maybe 1 person defending you. Feels like tacit acceptance that i am that.

So. Sorry if I am.

I stand by that your posts to OP were unfair Walter.

Enjoy a nice genteel MN.

jealous!

No worries Walter

Oh, I know Pag. I just wanted to apologise if I seemed like I claim to know.

'people are terrified on here to even ask or speak about something to do with SN in case they get attacked or accused of things.'

There is are SN boards which people can post on to ask about SN. If people genuinely want to post/ask about SN then that would be the place to start. Those boards are full of parents with first hand experience.

A thread about an 'SN child' in the playground in AIBU (for example) is almost guaranteed to kick off.

i agree pagwatch\its like the posts from teachers carers.
yes of course they ahve a lot of understanding.
but its never the same as being the parent

You understand I'm not calling you disablist Walter.
I'm just trying to explain how it feels to read or hear 'I understand because of my niece, neighbour, child at school'

I don't expect you to apologise. I'm just trying to explain why those type of comments are not easy to hear. Because however open hearted and well intentioned, unless it's your life you don't know.

The woman who ran a specialist provision for children with ASD was talking to me about my son and I said 'well I'm sure you know what it's like' . She caught me and said 'no I don't. I've done this for 20 years and I have no clue because I go home every night'

She nailed it.

I am absolutely 100% sure that any offence or insensitivity on my part is accidental and I sincerely apologise for it.

I can't claim to know what it's like, only to love someone who lives it. And the people I know in rl know I'm the furthest thing from disablist. So that's good enough for me.

That obviously wasn't a response to your post pag. You have explained it very well, as has Fanjo.

I am stepping away for the sake of my blood pressure.

This will be difficult to phrase so forgive me if I fuck it.

I genuinely appreciate that posters who know or are related to someone with disability are filled with a desire to empathise. It's brilliant and not the slightest bit negative.

But if that desire to empathise gets tipped into a quiet belief that they 'understand' I think sometimes that does more harm than good.
Unless it is your life, your beloved child, your heartbreak and exhaustion, depression and isolation. The effort to do the simplest bloody thing. The worries about the future. The never ending low level hostility or curiosity. The full knowledge that this is it, it will never change. You don't understand and implying you do, or worse, believing that you do is not helpful.

My son has many uncles, aunts and cousins. They love him dearly, they try to understand but they haven't got a fucking clue.

It's no ones fault. But 'I know because my cousins, neighbour, little girl at school is disabled' is really unhelpful.

You just can't admit you were wrong. Sad, that.

i have a feeling that someone is trying to turn this into a bunfight. maybe they want this thread gone as well. perhaps best to ignore them(and think about their user name)

What miffle said. X 100000. Thanks for saying it better than I can miffle

But people are terrified on here to even ask or speak about something to do with SN in case they get attacked or accused of things"

And this isn't the case. There was a great thread recently where someone wanted advice on asking a DC to SN to a birthday party. It was lovely.

People who offend and upset others through a huge lack of sensitivity and insight do get called out. Look at the response to your posts here. We aren't doing it to attack you. We are responding to posts which are, quite frankly, insensitive at best and upsetting to us.

Have answered a nicely worded question about SN 10000000 times

But sometimes people don't ask in a nice way and then people are upset by their sneering or exclusion. Often they are deleted as goading. But objecting to that still is dragged up in arguments as jumping on any innocent question.

Whatever. Am secure in fact I will answer any nicely well meant question I can, and often do :)

Have a nice day walter

Walter Your earlier apology is accepted, but maybe have a think about how much you are upsetting people here with your posts now that you have acknowledged you didn't mean to offend, but did.

It's like me going onto a thread discussing the problems faced by (for example) gay people and saying "stop playing the gay card" and "my sister is gay" so I understand. I wouldn't dream of doing that (and I guess you probably wouldn't either funnily enough) so stop doing it with people with disabilities
.