Adult Adoptees - Dedicated Section Under Talk Topics

The Adoption section doesn't show up in active unless you opt in (for new users anyway, I think old users might still see it). This was good news for Adopters as there was always tons of well meaning but ill informed posters posting without realising we were talking about adopted/traumatised DC but it certainly feels like it's cut the traffic right down.

This might be why the adult adoptee thread isn't getting the attention you'd want it to?

Humsta, MNHQ can take some time to make decisions like this. They're not ignoring you - they're just thinking about it.

I'm in.

Beautifully put SpookyRachel What we all have in common is knowing that this is not the rainbows-and-butterflies story that outsiders often expect and wish for.

As an aside to that though I think that we children of the 70's (and thereabouts) have different stories to those adopted nowadays. There were a lot of women who voluntarily (however voluntarily that was given the support system) gave up children at birth, who were then placed with families as very young babies and officially adopted before they were a year old. It's a very different demographic to nowadays in general, I believe, although I am willing to hear all of the other sides to this. I remain fascinated, and I hope supportive to, all children adopted and their families that I meet.

I would love a space to debate the pros and cons of the system now and then as well, now it seems to me that the prevalence is to keep children with birth families as much as is practical. I have such mixed feelings about this. Although that chat is for a new nn and different set of posts I think!

Deffo.

Yes please.

Good luck with this, Humsta. Just to add, though, that while I accept Offredalba's point I hope it is also sometimes true that adopted adults and adoptive parents can and have learned from each other on the adoption board. Frankly, adoption has brought me the full gamut from joy to anger to despair to heartbreak to endless love, and I doubt that anything I read could affect me as much as my own lived experience of mothering a traumatised child. Equally, I hope that adopted adults appreciate the warts-and-all honesty of some threads on adoption. What we all have in common is knowing that this is not the rainbows-and-butterflies story that outsiders often expect and wish for.

Anyway, best of luck.

Also a yes please don't know any adult adopted people I'll so this would be great for me

Yes please

I'm not an adoptee, but I have long been in favour of setting up a separate forum for discussion about the grown up end of adoption. Thank you for bringing this up again. I think that all members of the triad benefit from listening to the voices of mature adopted people. However, some of the things that you might raise are possibly/probably/likely to be upsetting to mums who are struggling to support (sometimes ) vulnerable childen. The converse is also sometimes true. I have often squirmed at the conversations about adopters 'faking it until love happens'. I'm sure that is not what adoptees or first parents expect to read.
So I agree, again. Please do this mumsnet.

I would be interested in an adult adoptee board.

The fact that adults are included on a starting a family board just re-inforces the idea that we are - despite our advancing age - somehow forever children. Even ex-life sentence prisoners are eventually rehabilitated. Not us. Forever infantilised.

It takes a lot of posters to sustain a whole topic though. Adoption itself is often not very busy. You might be better off with a long running support thread like the Stately Homes thread in Relationships or the current Adult Adoptees thread but maybe again in Relationships? Somewhere like that gets a lot of traffic but it's not AIBU...

Sorry that makes it sound like I don't care about the adoptees needs. If there is enough support for a separate board that's fine by me.

Another option could be to move the Adoption board from under 'Becoming a Parent' to instead maybe 'Body and Soul' . That could help switch it from being mainly adoptive parents posting to all 3 parts of the adoption triangle.
I think it would be a shame to separate the adoptees as adopters have a lot to gain by communicating with adoptees.
(adopter)

I have just posted in AIBU to try to drum up more support.

Sorry new NN as in a posting name for that area so that if people searched my normal name for threads they wouldn't also find me talking about something so personal.

I do think a happy mix of availability for people who need it but not too far out there, I have no idea how that would work, social media is always 'out there' isn't it? I would love to talk with other people in my position though.

No NN is nickname.

Humsta, I am more than happy to support you petitioning MNHQ for a separate Adult Adoptees topic.

But, sorry, I have no desire to discuss my adoption on this thread.

Actually, I don't have any major issues with my adoption anyway - although a separate topic would be fine to talk through things. I do realise that each person has different - and sometimes very difficult - issues to work their way through.