Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

I use it now and then, usually to answer PMs and if I'm sending something to somebody. I wouldn't say it's that often, just as and when.

I use it to respond if someone PMs me. It isn't very often,but if I am getting a hard time on threads a kind person will often give me support and agree -but are not willing to say so on the thread. This can be quite useful for example it made me aware that there are FB groups and someone 'rallies the troops' occasionally. It is lovely because although 'it is only the Internet' it is never pleasant to be personally attacked.
Someone has PMed me for specific help.
I have once , PMed someone who was upset and shocked at the way they were attacked to offer support. I generally only respond and not initiate.
My most useful one was someone who realised from my very limited information what sort of job my unemployed graduate son was looking for because her son was in a similar job and she got him in touch with my son.
Luckily all the people who have messaged me have been lovely. I wouldn't like to open one and find it unpleasant.

I use it to talk to people confidentiality and offer support from Relationships.

Ha! Wary of PMs not PMS although both are probably slightly scary.

Laura! What a nasty fucker, I'd report someone like that to MNHQ.

Sorry it's made you wary if PMS - I think MN has a way of preventing anyone from being able to send you one so that will stop you from twitching when you get one and no more guilt from not replying

Sorry, I didn't do this properly at first.

1. What type of things do you message for?

Sometimes supportive, if someone's being slaughtered in AIBU, sometimes informative, eg telling someone something about the area in which I live, which I wouldn't want to post on a public board, sometimes to ask how they're getting on with their writing (I'm on the creative writing board.)

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

Quite a lot - several times a week. More than it was because of the friends I've met in the writing forum.

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Regular with some, though these have usually gone to email after a while. As needed if supporting someone.

Imperial - it can happen when there's a bunfight bit of an argument going on on a thread. Instead of posting on the thread, people send PMs to people on either side of the argument sending their support.

I think sending someone a supportive PM is one thing, but often this seems to be about egging someone on.

I don't like that. If there's a debate going on, why not join in and put your own view forward?

But I especially don't like the nasty PMs as Laura has reported. I hope they don't happen very often

That's really horrible, Laura. What a coward that person was, not saying who they were. I hope you changed your name immediately.

Yes.

1. For addresses,phone numbers etc, or if I want to do something nice for someone but don't want to tell all of MN about it.

1. Very rarely. 3 conversations in about a year.

1. B, as needed.

YES:

1. What type of things do you message for?

If it's someone I know in Real life when I'm too lazy to dig out their email address and email them. Others have contacted me to let me know what their old user name was and occasionally people have contacted me to apologise if they think they've offended me. People have also contacted me to share something they don;t want on a public forum - in adoption particularly it can be helpful

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past? About the same maybe once or twice a month

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

b)

Can we add in what we'd like to be changed?

Just to clarify, the horrid PM I got had copied something I had written like "I worry about DS1 because he is mean to DS" and put "Don't you mean 'I worry about Johnny because he is mean to Martin'"?

Except using their real names!

A few times a year.
Usually it's if I want to respond to something on a thread but to do so would involve giving away where I live, or other identifying things. Or because a poster has messaged me for similar reasons.

And just once to have a bit of a bitch about another poster , or rather to support the person I sent it to who was getting a hard time from this poster.

No: I hardly ever use it. I know this is just me but it makes me feel a bit panicky if I see I have a PM. The first one I got was really horrid - someone cut and pasted something I had written with my real child's name in instead of "DS" - I don't know if they knew me or if they had done an advanced search where I may have mentioned my children's names, in babynames or something.

So since then a few people have messaged me in regards to completely innocuous things like "ooh I know the answer to that" or "tell me more about this thing you mentioned" but I feel like it is getting too close to people I don't know, for some reason., and I never reply, and then that makes me feel bad.

I may have used it once or twice in the past in Local, because people have asked about specific schools or areas and replying would out me completely or at least give out more info than i am prepared to give publicly.

Yes I use it usually to contact OPs about something I can't put on the thread as it would out me.

Have also arranged things via PM, again don't want those details in full view of everyone on the boards.

I use it as and when needed.

I have never, and would never, send someone a 'nasty' PM or use it to harangue someone off the board. Those who use it for nefarious purposes should be severely dealt with by MNHQ.

I would hope the system stays as it is, is there some compelling reason why it might not MNHQ?

I very, very rarely use PM. If I do its for further info like when Mumblechum wrote my Will for me.

Apart from that no. Talk is like chatting in a pub - PM is inviting someone round for a cup of tea.

I use to occasionally use it to talk to people about specific things with sensitive or personal content.

I cleared it out after jeffrey's antics, though and now only use it when I'm contacted first and will not use it to share info I wouldn't want out in the public domain.

I use it rarely usually only to respond to a specific question that might be identifying. Very, very occasionally I send a supportive message to someone who is being flamed horribly for whatever reason.

I use it a few times a year.

I wouldn't miss it but it's handy to have.

I'm when I hear of people sending nasty PMs

Yes.

1. Mostly for stuff that could involve RL details.

Very occasionally to offer practical help or just be supportive. Normally I'd do that on thread, but I'd PM to avoid derailing a thread, or on a fast-moving thread where I'm afraid it will get missed, or when I just can't face getting into it with a baying mob busy eating the other poster for breakfast. I know the last is cowardly, but I reckon a PM is better than nothing at all, and also less likely to be missed.

2. Maybe one conversation a month or less. This is lower than when I was on a regular quiche thread.

3. b - as needed

I have got PMs in the past asking me to give professional advice and I always, always tell them to post on a thread. Not least because if they want to engage me in a professional capacity for their own benefit they have to pay my hourly rate very reasonable, PM me for details and also because there's a big difference between dashing something off on Mumsnet where there are other people viewing and checking what is posted and giving other opinions and giving specific, personal advice.

But I like having the option. I used to pay a fiver for CAT. Remember them you cunts?

Yes, occasionally to add more details to a message, but not ones that I would want in a public forum.

My use is in waves and troughs. There was a patch of frequent messages with a lady in similar circumstances to me, and we now use facebook.
I couldn't say how frequently, but I have sent two today. That's very unusual.

Why do MNHQ want to know this? What's changing?

If YES:
1. What type of things do you message for?

Chatting now and then, offering a bit of advice, receiving advice :)

2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

it varies, can be 1 x week, 0 x per week or 6 x a week.

3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

B, as needed.

Hello, just marking place, this is going to need thinking time