Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

Extraordinary ...

I don't quite understand ...

Are these FB people talking about you as Toughasoldboots - which is surely rather pointless or do they somehow know and use your RL name - which would be vile?

Yes. Quite often.

Many of us on the stop smoking thread vape & we often exchange juices so use it for addresses. But I now delete any PM with an address within 24 hours & ask any one I've sent mine to to do the same. Don't feel as safe post Jeffery.

I've met a few Mnetters in real life & sometimes exchange PMs with them about family things I wouldn't want to put out to the whole world. Like the name of my new PFGC for instance.

And occasionally to someone I 'know' on here who may be having a tought time - just to say hope all is OK & send some cheer.

Maybe I am making it sound as if it is an frequent occurrence when it is very rare. Nothing since July. I expect I could count them on two hands in total and I delete and forget who they were. I haven't been on since July otherwise they would all have been deleted- they are now.

I wouldn't want to see it go- the advice on jobs for my son was very useful.
I also gave advice about supply teaching.
I found the fact that FB groups exists and rally around and post if alerted useful and posted about that - to find it was true.

As Woolly Hugs we probably use the system more than anyone, I don't know that for sure obvs, but answering this in relation to how we use it there...

1. What type of things do you message for?
Contacting bereaved families, families where there is a very ill child, offering Woolly Hugs or little blankets. This is why we really wish there was a preview option. At a time when it needs to be perfect, it is a stress that you can't then check it.

Also arranging wool and projects, sending postal addresses, asking for addresses, arranging donations, writing thank yous. Folk are more wary now about sending their address via PM, and more is on email now.

2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
Every day - usually more than 5 in and out a day, but is easily over a hundred in the early days of blanket projects. This is why we wish we had folders, or a search option. We've been asking for those for YEARS! Would say overall much more.

3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these
A mixture of b and c. Think where it has become a regular contact, it tends to move to Facebook or email.

Rarely.

As I post mainly on education topics, I mainly use it when there is something that I feel would be helpful to a poster that would make me even more identifiable than I already am, e.g. information about schools I personally know something about.

Equally I occasionally get PMs from posters who are actively seeking such information and know / deduce that I live in a similar area.

Seriously? So if I say something ill-judged or intemperate on a thread (happens less now ...) other posters might PM each other to say what a malign idiot I am?

I don't see the benefit. If you tell me I'm a fool on the thread I will feel heartbroken suitably chastened and endeavour to do better in future. But two people I'll never meet dismantling my character in a private conversation ...?

No, because I don't want to get too engaged with people other than a bit of advice (or my tuppence worth) on the thread. But I can understand why others might want to offer more private advice or talk to someone who lives nearby. I just don't want that sort of close contact.

Extremely rarely, and usually only when asking for something (a link, an address, a recipe) that I don't think they would want to post on the thread, or that I think they might not notice if I asked on a thread.

Not that many are bullies! IT is just nice to know that you don't stand alone when you have your opinion rubbished. I agree that it would be better to stand up and be counted on the thread but I reckon there are literally hundreds of lurkers who never post.
I don't go on netmums often but it is a revelation to find that there are 65 posts and 345 people have read the thread! ( or maybe it has changed- I haven't been on for at least 2 years)

In answer to SheGotAll

I have said so on a thread! I have said that I was being bullied and I got the classic bully reply of 'don't be so silly- where do you get that idea?'. I couldn't report it without looking wet - bullies are very subtle and taken alone it looks innocuous.
I once did a whole long post on exactly how I was being bullied.

It hasn't happened very often - 2 this year and it is very pleasant. I can see why the bullies might not like being discussed behind their backs- or being told here that actually lots of people disagree.
They are also one offs and I then forget the name. Looking back I was surprised to find that I am on a thread with one today.

I am not looking for friends- I want to be completely anonymous.

I have only PMed once and that was because a naive poster started an AIBU and got dreadfully upset. I felt she needed a kind word.

1. What type of things do you message for? If I am posting stuff that is useful to one particular person: I am happy to share identifying information with one person but not the whole of MN.
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past? Fairly infrequent, now and then.
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these (c). Typically a short conversation, of about 6 messages, to discuss a specific matter

Yes, as needed. However the functionality on it is so poor that if I trust the person and want to keep in touch or exchange info I'll switch to email.

I use it occassionally but on those occasions it's been very useful - usually when talking to somebody about specifics about my health or job, although also helped somebody who wanted to move to my village and had some questions

No.
I only use the app and it's not on the app.

I read, reply and delete straight away since Jeffgate and delete sent items too.

I think there is something incredibly unpleasant about PMing posters to slag off others behind their back.

Justifying it because you're scared is childish.

If you don't like a poster, avoid them, as you would in real life.
If you don't agree with a poster, say so on the thread.
If you feel a poster has gone too far, report.

Simple.

I have had one from a poster that I always agree with telling me her name change.

It would be lovely if PMs had folders you could sort them into or even if they could be read like a thread/email exchange (having received & sent on 2 different pages makes it difficult to get continuity)

Yes,

1. What type of things do you message for?

things I don't want to debate or share widely

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

About the same, maybe 3x /yr; I get more msgs than I send. Folk sometimes ask about minority topics that they have found in archives.

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

As needed, I'm not "friends" with anyone on MN.