Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

I have used PM about ten times in two years. Mainly others have contacted me asking about inside info on my daughter's independent school which I've been happy to give via PM but it wouldn't be appropriate to do on a main thread.

I've flagged it to MNHQ too Liney it is so counter to all the advice about being safe on line.

I've literally just seen a post like the one LineyReborn describes.

The worst thing about it was that the person who PM'd her number to an OP with problems, then posted to say the fact the OP didn't phone her to say she was ok, has 'set her radar going'.

WTF? So anyone who doesn't ring the number a complete stranger has sent them in a PM, will be viewed as a troll/liar?

Fuck that.

I agree with LineyReborn that I find it a bit weird when posters invite other, often vulnerable sounding, posters to phone them. . I'm sure it's mostly genuine but it does seem a bit odd.

I've come on this thread to ask MNHQ specifically to investigate a practice that apparently exists of a poster or posters PMing other (possibly vulnerable) posters asking them to ring a mobile phone number to discuss their problems.

Is this why this PM review is taking place?

I am really a bit stunned by all this, and I hope it is very seriously looked at.

I've also emailed MNHQ.

*send

I rarely sent PMs, so I only really use it to reply to people who have PM'd me.

I don't like the layout though.

I would prefer it to be more like FB, where you can see the entire conversation string in the same box.

I use it loads, often when drunk, and mainly to slag people off.

I use it a lot. Not under this user name though.

Occasionally
To message a poster about something I don't wish to post publicly.

Often.
Maybe every couple of weeks, I exchange messages with a couple of people I have become friends with. A bit like old fashioned pen friends. They live in a different part of the UK to me and lead such different lives that we would never have met in RL, but we have a common interest on MN. We even met up. My DC were that I was going on a "blind date" with someone off
t'internet.

We could e mail but for some reason we still use PM.
But it's BROKEN.

1. To offer additional advice on subjects where I wouldn't want personal stuff preserved for evermore.

1. Not very often now. Much more wary after the hacking etc.

1. As needed and not as regular as before. Not as interested in making rl connections with other posters as in the past.

Have had arsey PMs. Tend to post those on the thread
Have had PMs asking about last threads on subjects posters have done a search on.
Would love PMs to be more user friend,y, so no switching back and forward o see a whole convo..

Yes, I use PMs. Probably not very often. It depends on the circumstances.

I suppose my first experience of PMs was when I was meeting a MNer, who I didn't previously know, in a 'neutral area' and we just exchanged mobile numbers so that we could ensure we didn't miss each other. We have since become RL friends - so sometimes we PM each other, but now we just phone/text each other.

I've been to a few 'meet ups', where the meeting place is organised 'off-thread' by PM.

Similar to PPs, I've PMd someone who was getting grief on a thread and I thought that a supportive message might have been 'lost' on the thread.

I've received a couple of PMs from MNers doing similar to ^^.

And, yes, a bit of personal or local information, I have PMd and also received.

I like that Kewcumber- and will use it.
I use it like DoctorF - it is the ideal tool if you don't want any personal involvement and see MN as online only.

I use the PM system occasionally - probably a combination of b) and c).

It's usually either because I am going to share more local information than I am prepared to do publicly (eg when someone has asked about local schools) or to send a message of support.

Last year during the IndyRef campaign I used it a bit more often as there were times that the discussions got a bit heated and I contacted a few people with a message of support.

It's now almost impossible for me to PM since the app no longer has that capability . I have to make a special point to go on to the laptop.

Mehitabel

We have a different saying in our house

Sticks and stone may break my bones
But names will break my heart

As needed really. I don't involve myself personally with anyone from here, generally speaking, and wouldn't wish to, plus I don't take part in the secret santa and so on. I only want it to be an online thing, for me.

So occasionally I'll get a supportive PM if I'm on a tricky thread, or I'll send one if someone seems to be in trouble, that sort of thing.

It's also a useful tool in the scenario where one is sitting on ones hands and unable to state that someone appears to be Making Stuff Up. You can PM someone and say 'it's so and so, isn't it' and they will go 'yup' and you just report it and feel better, without putting anything disruptive on the thread.

I only use it to share personal or contact information. A couple of times I've had people PM me after a heated or sensitive thread saying they support me, which is nice.

Generally though I think conversation should be on the forum. I can talk to people one-to-one at any time, it's the variation of opinion on MN that makes it interesting to me.

I use it. For things like extending a chat when a thread has gone off tangent, rather than continuing it on the thread, if that seems a bit rude. For more personal stuff, when I don't want to post my details on the thread. For things like little messages to regular posters who I "know" from frequent chats. I use it as and when needed really, no pattern, but it is helpful.

The 'sticks and stones' rhyme is totally untrue- words, even on the Internet hurt.

I may have given the wrong impression. Having a supportive PM is not talking about individual posters - names are not mentioned. It is just along the lines of 'I fully agree with you and think your posts are very sensible' - which is nice when the majority on the thread are telling you the opposite.
It doesn't happen regularly. People are scared BIWI- I sometimes post and then think that I don't really want to see the reply! I quite often write a post and then delete.
I can't see why it is different from a FB group or discussing by email or discussing with a friend.

Oh no - I didn't mean those messages were bullying, TAOBs. Messages of support are different!

Toughasoldboots

^You have to be a brave person as they then started two threads about me in the vein of a 'joke' - who are the PO on mumsnet etc, directly quoting me.
Not everyone can take that.^

I think the important thing here is to make the distinction between arguing the point and being rude/offensive to the poster

In your example above, that's a classic case that has to be reported to MNHQ (and one which MNHQ must take seriously), and I can see/understand that it's unsettling to experience on a thread, but when people say they're scared to come on the boards to put forward their point of view, that I really don't get - what do people think is going to happen?! Is a hand suddenly going to fly out of their screen to hit them?!

Going behind people's backs to talk privately about the thread isn't really helpful. In fact, that's closer to bullying behaviour than being on the boards!

1. What type of things do you message for?

Ask specific questions, or offer support.

I have received PMs asking for more information about something discussed on a thread, recommendations for dentists, physios in my local area, but also offers to meet up for coffee. I am getting a fair bit of "I really want to emigrate to Norway, where do I begin!?" (I imagine lots of expats get that from people thinking oh life in Oman/Dubai/Sweden/Uzbekistan must be FAB)

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

Rarely. No difference to before

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

B and C