Average age of first-time mothers is now 30 - how old were you?

NO, it was a generalized question from MN to everybody, amongst other questions.

One that the poster had chosen not to respond to, she shouldn't then be specifically asked that question out of an entire thread.

I was with my OH for 20 years before I had the DTs. Everyone assumed they were IVF.
No, I was having too much fun travelling to have kids and I was too selfish to start a family (they were a happy accident).

This thread was about whether you would "make the same decision again" wrt to age - so I think in terms of this thread asking if people are happy with their decisions is ok isnt it? Obviously you don't tend to ask young/older mothers these things irl.

And its blatantly obvious its area/culture dependant anyway. Some posters early on stated how it was normal in their area to be pregnant late teens/early 20s and any later would be seen as "late".

Esther thinks 30-35 is "normal". That describes me, but I'm seen as an older mother at the school gates I am at. Where I used to live (probably a "naicer" area) I was the youngest in my NCT group. Moving area is the only difference!

But again, they are not 'normal' aged mothers.

It seems that, unless you fit perfectly into the 30-35 age bracket, people who do fit will assume that your personal life is all of their business.

People ask older mothers too - aren't you ready to be a granny, what about when you retire, won't they be upset if you die, do you have the energy...

No matter how they're worded, the questions themselves are extremely judgemental.

I'm guessing most of you 'normal' aged mothers (whatever that is) had plenty of 'congratulations' to your pregnancies, even from complete strangers. I, amongst most young mothers, had glares, tuts, and very, very personal questions. Questions that a stranger wouldn't dream of asking someone twice my age (and the older generation complain about a lack of manners from young people?!)

Quite frankly, it's none of anyone's damn business how or why I came to be pregnant, how or why I plan to look after, care for or feed my child, or what I am doing with my life in terms of qualifications or a career. Until I see these questions directed at mothers of all ages, I will never accept that they are genuine or harmless. They're nosy and rude.

DS was born 2 days after turning 33 and DD a week after turning 35. All of my NCT class were over 30 (19 years ago) One did have a 12 year old but all the others were FTM

Two weeks after turning 23! December is becoming a very expensive month...

drspouse
Of course there is a world of difference between a 17 year old and 15 year old being pregnant.
However this thread has nothing to do with reasons why people became pregnant the age they did. For a poster to ask one reason a potentially sensitive question was rude.(IMO)

At the risk of getting flamed there IS a difference between a teenage mother aged 17 who could be married, may have planned a child, probably has some qualifications, and bottom line had legal sex, and a 15 year old who could easily have been 14 when she got pregnant, and who was not legally able to consent to sex.
Maybe it's a bit rude to ask how she felt about it as it could even range to "hoped the dad would get a custodial sentence as he was my teacher" (not saying this has anything to do with Car, just relating this to recent news stories about under-16s who are sexually active).
I'm at the extreme other end of the spectrum though and having our DS has led to a few mixed emotions and some negative comments, I don't mind though, there has been heartbreak and if I felt so inclined, I wouldn't mind sharing or educating people.

It's a harmless question... unless you've been a teenage mother and rather than, like most other people, your pregnancy announcement being met by best wishes, it's met with 'But you're too young!', 'Do your parents know?', 'Was it planned?'... and those are the nicer statements and questions.

No it really wasn't a harmless question,

It was either a stupid question.

"How does a 15 year old get pregnant? We are all virgins until we get married at 25 married, right?"

Or it was you being judgmental and rude.

"So how does someone manage to get themselves knocked up at 15?"

The average people in the UK start having sex is 16, so a 15 year old having sex is not really shocking is it? Maybe she planned to get pregnant maybe it was an accident but either way it is an incredibly rude question to ask someone and even more rude as you think she owes someone an answer because she dared to get pregnant young. No one else has been expected to answer that.

"I asked Car HOW it was not why! Genuine question as 15 is just a child still"

I'm guessing -in the usual way.

I don't think the question was that harmless. It was actually quite judgemental.

Nobody else has been asked how they came to be pregnant at whatever age they have posted.

If Car wants to share her reasons for being a teenaged mother I'm sure she will do so in a way and at a time of her own choosing.

Bog off, Kid! Harmless question, you seem to be dpoiling for a fight. Been here for years thank you.

I asked Car HOW it was not why! Genuine question as 15 is just a child still

How?

Hmm this may not be the right forum for you. Maybe wait till your parents have had the talk with you before you engage with adults.

39 & 42 Started ttc at 33 and finally had to go down the IVF route for both. No regrets - didn't meet DH until I was 30, we weren't to know we would have problems conceiving and we now feel very blessed. Sailed through the first pregnancy with barely a symptom (DS) and couldn't wait to do it all again I loved being pregnant so much. Second pregnancy (DD) was awful (nausea related - nothing 'serious') and I would never want to go through that again

Sorry hadn't meant to be so insensitive. I realise now it was. Im not sure how I ought to have worried it differently but clearly I should!

I only asked in context of the thread as people are saying x age -felt just right or xy but I should have waited/would have liked them earlier.

It's not uncommon to have a child young and I don't have any problems with it (I live currently in an area with a lot of young mums)

I simply meant... ah no whatever I say gets me in a muddle, so apologies I was just curious!!

Lots of peolle in their 30s may feel too young or in their 20s feel theyve left it too late. I dont think there's a definite "age". Its v culturally Nd class driven.

33

then 2nd at 38 and 3rd at almost 40 and am utterly utterly knackered at 45.

Really wish I had done it sooner and will encourage my own DD to have hers in her 20s.

Esther, quite.

Gosh Car. Are you happy with that?

Really? Do we really need to ask people if they are happy with their children? Why does her age make it ok to ask such insensitive and plain rude questions?

5 days after my 35th birthday! Had another at 37. Would love to have had them earlier wistful then I could have had one more...

28

27, married with a good job and mortgage. Felt a bit young as I was the first out of all of my friends but wouldn't change it now

I was 21 and 23, I'm glad I didn't wait as menopause had started by 34.