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MNHQ

TDWP and recent goings-on

496 replies

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 13:55

Hello

We thought it would be useful to explain our understanding of what occurred last week between Zombie, Footsteps/TDWP, Rhubarb etc to try to clear up any misunderstandings.

When the situation started to develop last week, we absolutely did not know that Footsteps was TDWP. We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off. At that point, one MNer was waiting in a public place to meet up with her, and we had been told by Zombie and by Nom that the police were aware of the rendezvous details and were standing by to help if anything went wrong.

We could see from some PMs flying around that posters were saying that the crime reference number checked out, and that the refuge had confirmed they had a space for her, so at this point we thought the best course was to keep channels of communication open. So we didn't ban Footsteps again at that point, despite having realised who she was. We did re-ban her once things had settled down and we had been told she was in a safe place. Given past history, TDWP is not a poster we would consider allowing back to Mumsnet permanently.

At various points throughout the evening we were in phone or text contact with Zombie and with Rhubarb, mostly trying to establish (as far as we could) what was going on and whether people were behaving safely. FWIW, we thought at the time - and still do - that it was a hugely risky thing to do, and not something we would advise or encourage. We would never recommend that any MNer goes into a situation like this, particularly not on her own. As most of you will know, we remind posters regularly that not everyone on the internet is who and what they say they are. We're pulling together some content on internet safety for adults and hope to publish that soon.

We asked Rhubarb at the time (before we had conclusive evidence about Footsteps's identity) whether she thought the person Zombie was meeting was a previously banned poster, and she said that she had no reason to think it was.

Pretty much everything else took place off-board and via channels that we have no access to - so beyond this account we aren't able to say with certainty what has gone on.

OP posts:
moldingsunbeams · 31/01/2014 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Absy · 31/01/2014 13:54

The meetup thing was that TWDP was part of a quiche, then went off line for a bit then back. The quiche had started organising a meet up (that sounds super weird) while TWDP was around, she then disappeared and they continued to organise the meet up for a number of weeks. She then pitched up a few weeks later and went "alright, so what's happening then?" and (somewhat understandably) the quiche went "um, what now? we know you expressed interest originally but things have moved on and it's all been agreed" and then it kicked off.

DuskAndShiver · 31/01/2014 13:53

got him on the phone

DuskAndShiver · 31/01/2014 13:53

GoshAnne, the NYE thing was different because it was about the site itself not working - that issue didn't breech the world / internet barrier

I do think that having someone to "chat" to is a very important resource, separately from actual real-world help. I don't think mn is at all out of its depth in facilitating that

But people trucking off into the night.... gosh

Why were mn phoning and texting zombie? What did they want to know? What were they trying to do?
and what would they have done if hammer-man had got her? got him and the phone and threatened to delete him? Read the posting guidelines in a really cross, posh voice? ("there is no question in my mind that hitting someone with a hammer definitely constitutes a personal attack and this is not a fight club")

DuskAndShiver · 31/01/2014 13:47

This whole thing is totally blowing my mind. I feel like I felt when I watched Lawnmower Man in 1992 and the stuff that was in the games on the computer became real and it was so, so scary

It is very strange. We do not really know how to do the internet, do we.

moldingsunbeams · 31/01/2014 13:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GoshAnneGorilla · 31/01/2014 13:28

I think some people are overly invested in the idea of "saving people via the medium of Mumsnet". When the site went offline at NYE, there were howls about people left vulnerable and without support.

TDWP-gate shows the danger of that mentality very clearly. Mumsnet is an open forum, people with serious offline problems need help from the appropriate services more then they need assistance from mumsnetters.

ExitPursuedTheRoyalPrude · 31/01/2014 13:17

Poor Rowan.

Have some Cake and Brew

Amrapaali · 31/01/2014 13:12

Calm down, molding, mah dear! We believe you...

checks for a Primark label and horn nubs on head, just in case.

moldingsunbeams · 31/01/2014 13:08

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moldingsunbeams · 31/01/2014 13:05

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wannaBe · 31/01/2014 13:00

the meeting was something to do with a meetup which tdwp either was not invited to or uninvited from iirc? but can't remember, but it did all kick off on here at the time...

PedlarsSpanner · 31/01/2014 13:00

arf at smoke and mirrors, true, true.

CatAmongThePigeons · 31/01/2014 13:00

Clear as, Rowan.

Amrapaali · 31/01/2014 13:00

moldingsunbeams for a minute I thought you were the "other" sunbeams. The name that TDWp changed to...

Ahhhh, the wonderful smoke-and-mirrors world of an online troll... Grin

Ditavontitty · 31/01/2014 12:59

TDWP stuff is almost entirely irrelevent at this point. The people who were on that thread encouraging and loving the drama are still refusing to admit that they acted completely stupidly. They still believe they are some kind of heroes. Its pathetic.

PedlarsSpanner · 31/01/2014 12:57

yep same one

TDWP has, or had, addiction issues incl OTC codeine, failed to disclose this, til a namechange fail; the courts were made out to be unreasonable, her exh similar, lots of women on here were frightened by the idea that your kids can just be handed to their father but ofc this wasn't true, the children were removed for their safety. There was also a meetup that went spectacularly wrong IIRC.

MNHQ
RowanMumsnet · 31/01/2014 12:55

Hello again

We're happy (well, dunno if 'happy' is the right word but you catch my drift) for you to use this thread to thrash out the issues and put this matter to rest once and for all. But some of the posts on here now cross the line into pretty unpleasant personal attacks on named posters. And we happen to know that more than one of them is feeling pretty bruised and upset by some posts.

We want to let you all have your say, but it really doesn't seem fair to hang people out to dry.

So if people could stick to posting about people's actions, rather than making assertions about their intentions and their overall characters, we'd appreciate it - and it would make it a lot easier for us to keep these threads running.

Does that make sense? (please say it does)

OP posts:
wannaBe · 31/01/2014 12:54

yes that's the same one molding.

moldingsunbeams · 31/01/2014 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tiredemma · 31/01/2014 12:50

same one molding

moldingsunbeams · 31/01/2014 12:48

This reply has been deleted

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LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 31/01/2014 12:48

Apologies if this has already been said but I hope the refuge and the other women in it have been alerted to TDWP's difficulties. I imagine she's manipulative enough to pull people in and make all sorts of trouble for those she's with.

Joules68 · 31/01/2014 12:46

Who paid for the hotel rooms?

wannaBe · 31/01/2014 12:43

"Not much empathy or sharing of experiences." I don't think people should be encouraged to share experiences, actually. People should only share what they can afford to lose, and unfortunately when those experiences are so very emotive those who are sharing aren't always in a place to realise that they have shared more than they could afford to until it's too late.

I think that while nobody deserves to become a victim, if you make up a dv situation then you are also responsible if you then become a victim and people choose not to believe you.

I don't believe her, not for a second. I've seen too much of her bullshit on mn to think there's an ounce of truth in any of it.

I also think that if someone had form for not being believed previously and was then genuinely in need, they would go and find somewhere where they could start with a clean slate and where discovery wouldn't set them back. There are plenty of other forums where someone seeking advice for dv could get help, she didn't have to come here, but IMO she did knowing that she could easily draw people into her drama, and she did exactly that.

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