Why is there a separate section for special needs in Education?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_chat/1955176-Quick-update-smile?

There is no post from you here but then no doubt you will find another before me.

Ok yous all win, I'm defeated. I just thought if people felt like me, try to see it from that pov but no it completely went against me, as for bringing up old posts where people aren't here to defend themselves that's wrong too.

I did not say it like that, I said that's how it feels which is different to how you say it but proves it doesn't matter what or how I say it, it's wrong. I know I could of nc but I'm easy enough guessed at who I am due to DS, then 6 kids, then 4 with needs. I know everyone has battles and i don't know how everyone seems to cope and get on in life. Everyone is fantastic.

I don't have a gripe with you. I haven't suggested that you are inferior in any way, shape or form. I am saying that it isn't fair to come to MNSN every few months and instead of joining in, giving support, etc., just criticising it.

You came and posted on a thread. I saw your name and said 'devientenigma, good to see you!'. You posted an update, I posted. Now, you are saying that thread is evidence that nobody is interested in you.

If you are so sure that no-one is interested in you and it's all personal, you could have name changed, posted on threads, joined in, etc. Instead, you choose to believe that you are outcast from MNSN.

I can't change how you feel and I'm not going to continue to defend MNSN. It is what it is. I'm proud of all the posters there. They give, and give, and give and give some more, when frankly they're fighting big enough battles in their own lives to sink a ship.

I need a life coach or something!

For years I only had the internet to converse with when needing timeout from DS. I couldn't leave him in the house alone, so I used to have here for support and fb for fun. I'm sure the type of person I am at times people now on fb don't know whether I am serious or not but hey such as life. Even dds say that about me on there.

I used to like to help out on here when I could although I did find people thought my ideas were a bit extreme, then I realized I was treating everyone like DS and when you've tried everything what next. I think I got so stuck in the extreme ness that was and is DS that I could function at the going through the stages level. Now I know I'm not explaining myself right and now it looks as though here we go again, I am patronising etc when actually I'm not. Anyway did I say fb gave me what I needed.

What I needed was a face to face convo with an adult, maybe time away from the house. I defo needed and still do need changes for DS at home.i have no skills to offer and before I used to also volunteer as a parent alongside the profs on shaping the future for parents, as we'll as the kids themselves who are in the system. (What a joke that sounds with what we went through).

I do feel like you are having a gripe with me, I know I am inferior as a mother, as a wife, a a carer etc etc, in fact yes I'm totally useless, that's why life, my family etc is going through hell.

I agree, zzzzz. We all lead difficult lives. We all lead busy lives. Those of us who post on the SN: Children board, offering support to people as well as getting support, do so voluntarily. We don't say 'search the archives' if people have questions about support, statementing, school action plus. We sit and type an answer relevant to the person asking, even if the information within it has been said 1000 times.

For people to come along and say that the SN section doesn't meet their requirements and have no interest in posting, but just thought they'd let us know how crap we all are, is so demoralising.

devientenigma, I'm glad that FB has given you what you need. I have no interest in online jokes and quizzes and am rubbish at small talk. I give what I can in MNSN and get a whole lot more than I give, I'm sure. I do as much voluntary work as I can manage (governor at two schools, select committee for children and young people, independent admissions appeals panel, volunteer once per week at DD1's school, volunteer once per week at DD2's school), because it makes use of my skill set and gives me something to focus on - a change is as good as a rest, as they say.

definitely. Maybe in fact!

Mumsnetters with disabilities - yes! That works, I couldn't think of anything except adults or parents.

Ds wasn't a choice as such, but yes, he does usefully full my time now he's here

And has stopped (for now at least) the usual question of "so when do you think you'll go back to work" that I got all the time at dd2's school...

I have no choice. It's why I had a 3rd. I saw it as a promotion, going from 2 kids to 3.

Now I'm a 'Executive SAHM', but I'm also in many formal documents 'Ds' Advocate'.

The parent/carer distinction is a fine line. I never think of myself as a carer. I probably should more.

Lougle you are right re: the SAHM issue. I chose to when dd was little. I have no choice now. I am studying (OU), but without any real hope that I will be able to do anything with it - it's 'just something to do' (although as we all know, there's plenty to do anyway!)

I do still identify as a SAHM, though. Despite ranting and racing about being stuck at home now, and not being able to make my own choices in life, etc. your post just now has made me wonder why. Hmmm. Interesting.

I don't think age has got anything to do with anything tbh, especially in the SN world. People are just where they are. Systems are what they are. And all of that has absolutely no consistency to speak of.

hmmm, yes I put 'parents' first and then realised there would have to be a distinction between parents/carers and parent's with disabilities. But you are right, polter, in that I think of myself as a parent first and carer second, it may also alienate people who are just realising their child has difficulties - it really is a thorny one.

I agree that sn:children, to me encompasses children through to adulthood, but i remember on one of the previous threads like this that parents of older children saw 2 problems - 1) they didn't want to 'frighten' people who were just starting out or (as was said to me at the time 'had cute kids') and 2) that parents of older children needed the advice from other parents of older children, rather than parents of younger children.

Does any of that make any sense? Personally I don't agree and I think we can all learn things from each other - regardless of age, diagnosis, lack of diagnosis etc.

And now i think I am going to disappear up my own arse.

Sorry if this comes over wrong, slightly upset over dd.....

Anyway, I meant between the boards not literally. And if that is the definition what does that make those on lower rate disability?

'Carer' is a legal definition. You are a 'carer' if you spend 35 hours or more per week looking after someone who is 'severely disabled', with 'severely disabled' defined as:

eligible for, but not claiming, or claiming:
Attendance Allowance, Disability Living Allowance - the middle or highest care rate, Constant Attendance Allowance at or above the normal maximum rate with an Industrial Injuries Disablement Benefit, Constant Attendance Allowance at the basic (full day) rate with a War Disablement Pension, Armed Forces Independence Payment (AFIP), or Personal Independence Payment daily living component.

So, I'd say that you are a parent, first and foremost, but once you are caring in a way that is significantly beyond that required for typical children/young people/teenagers/adults of your child/young person/teenager/adult's age, then you are also a carer.

I refer to myself as DD1's carer because it reinforces the point that the luxury of choice is not ours - she needs care and that prevents me from working. I think 'Stay at Home Mother' implies that a choice has been made.

Perhaps I would have chosen to be a SAHM anyway? I'll never know, now, because I can't choose otherwise. I tried to return to nursing, but had to reject my course and placement offer because the course required that I was available for all shift patterns and there was no way to fulfill that with DD1's SN transport.

I was also gonna ask about the difference between carers and parents?

As for the age old circular argument I did try to say it's down to perceptions and lack of tone etc, misinterpretations etc . I for one never explain anything well and it's always picked up wrong, maybe it's like that for others. It's hard for me when my words are interpreted then I'm quizzed on what I said. It doesn't matter what I say or do it's gonna be wrong, so it then makes me afraid to type.

Alive lol and missed you all so thought I would make a resolution to poke my nose in pop in more often anyhow said hi on SN board x

Haha, good timing on my part, i was just going to post how sick and tired I am of this implication that there is some sort of vendetta going on on the sn boards.

How about

disabled/special needs - support for carers (encompassing all age groups)

disabled/special needs - chat

disabled/special needs - parents

I think that hearing some of the arguments, that keeping a sn section in education, with a sticky at the top directing people to the sn section if they feel they need further support, is a good idea.

Would that work?

I too, feel that this is a circular argument.

A section for teens/adult children was asked for. Done.Then complaints that it is too quiet (thread links are available to support this claim). MNSN posters offer support, but are told that they couldn't possibly support because they haven't been there.

MNSN is a place to get and receive sort, so suggestions are made that those posters can support parents who are facing situations that they have experience of. Responses of 'I've got too much trouble of my own to support other people. I need support.

Renewed offers of support are made. Offers refused. You couldn't possibly support because you haven't been there.

This issue has been raised since before 2009.It will never be solved. When DD1 hits transition, and ask those that are similar in age, we'll all talk about transition. Then complaints will come that there wasn't support for posters when their children went through transition. We'll offer support and get told 'your children are only teenagers. Ours are adults. You can't possibly know how to support -you haven't been there.'

In fact, I predict, that in 2033, when DD1 is 30, if I offered support, I'd be told 'your DD is only 30. Mine is 43. You couldn't possibly know how to support -you haven't been there....

And as a complete digression...

coff33pot How the devil are you?

TBH I think it is a credit to MNSN posters that despite being severely criticised again and again, they are still falling over themselves to make those critics as welcome as they can and asking for proper information in order to try and make the changes necessary to ensure those posters don't feel unable to post.