We're becoming a nation of only children: do you agree? And have a butcher's at our guest blog, too

Surely "becoming a nation of only children" is not something that one could agree with or disagree with - it's a question of numbers and statistics.

Either there are more only children than ever before or there are not. Someone has probably counted.

Agreeing has nothing to do with it.

OhMyNoReally - thank you for clarifying, I get where you're coming from now; you can chuckle at the irony but I hadn't really thought about the fact that if you have more than one, you can probably also interpret the article as having a go at your choices and making sweeping assumptions about how they will turn out. You're right in that it can be seen that way from the parents of more than one aspect too - top work from the Telegraph in apparently managing to piss us all off .

I guess I'm a bit prickly about the whole assigning characteristics (and generally negative ones) to anyone because they are an only which that article does a splendid job of - as a parent of an only you do get it a lot, even the backhanded 'I'd never have realised he was an only child' type compliment. I shouldn't have seized so much on your comments though - sorry!

If the fruit of your loins is a repository for your hopes and ambitions, you've got problems whether you've got one child or ten, methinks. I like to have hopes and ambitions for myself, weirdly.

We have only one, I would dearly love another but we just can't afford another child right now. DD is 4.5 so I guess there is still time, but I think we are past the stage where another baby will be a good playmate as the age gap will be too big IMO. Not sure if we will ever be able to afford another child, things are pretty grim right now! I am an only child and it breaks my heart to think of DD growing up without siblings but unfortunately that may well be what happens!

Every only child I know has developed empathy and understanding, btw, not just children with siblings. Children rarely live in a bubble and will encounter other children and adults every day.

It's interesting that you chose not to have friends round to play with your children though. As a child, with siblings, growing up I found that I really wanted to play with my own friends, not just my siblings.
Almost all of DD's friends have siblings - and they enjoy playing with their friends just as much as DD does.

I am surprised that you see the article as that much in favour of only children. Did you not read the comments such as:

• Are we to become a nation of little emperors and empresses?
• Economics aside, should we worry about British mothers turning out a generation of spoilt singletons
• Otherwise they don?t learn sharing or other social skills
• There can be a lot of pressure for the only child to do well, and to make their parents happy
• the only child who is the sole repository of two parents? aspirations and hopes

etc

No we often don't have friends round to play, not in the holidays at least.

And I was just giving the alternative to the article commenting that only children develop maturity because they have a lot of adult interaction.
Dc from large families develop the maturity because they are around younger children and often have to help out a bit by being more independent, even if they don't have a lot of adult interaction.

The comment about budgeting was trying to be a positive about a negative, the article claimed that dc in only families often made the decision to have one child because they wanted fewer money worries and to give their dc the best possible in life. Larger families need to be strict with money which is often seen as a negative, I was only trying to imply that it's a positive in a negative, yes we have less but hopefully it will teach dc about budgeting and money when they are older.

The comment on empathy was in regard to the article saying dc in only families did lots of extra curricula activities and went to lots of groups, my dc don't do that, we can't afford summer holiday groups or extra tuition but I hope they develop skills they miss out on from group event because they have siblings.

Some people here may find the article nasty, which it is. It is a puzzling article but some parents may equally who read it may find it backs up the reasons to have one child.

I wasn't trying to be hurtful, just to counter some of the points in the article. I apologise about it coming across as hurtful. I hope I have made my point clearer.

I know it helps them develop empathy and understanding for other people, it also helps them develop maturity and it gives them an understanding of budgeting.[...]This article feels as though its written to justify the reasons of having only one child and to reassure those with only one child that their decision was best for their child, rather than themselves. How many parents with an only child try to borrow a playmate for the summer holidays or to trips away or to the cinema. Not many of these negatives were included in the article nor were successful adults from large families.

Just goes to show how we all interpret things differently and also how you should select your words carefully. Did you mean to imply that my family don't have empathy, understanding, are immature and crap at budgeting? Most of the parents of onlies commenting here found the article pretty nasty and negative about onlies, not reassuring.

Do your children never go to the cinema with friends or have friends round to play? I'm mystified by that comment as DS is regularly asked round to play with friends, go on outings etc with his friends who have siblings?

In my area (educated, middle class, not rich) most families have 2. Mothers around here are probably older than in other parts of the city & most of the families I know who have stopped at one are families where the mother was around 40 when she had her first.

So I would suggest that professional/highly educated women tend to start their families later, making a small or single child family more likely.

First of all calling it China syndrome raised an from me.

As did the reference that only the wealthy have large families or the very poor who don't cut their cloth. Especially as the article claims only the very poor choose to have large families as they get state support. This seems to be another kick to those who use the support available to them to brand them as criminal in accepting it. Not a very sensible thing to do when so many families would struggle without that support. We should be more understanding especially as that support is changing dramatically for them, I don't think they need to be vilified at this time.

When we decided to have dc I was 23 we never considered salary or how many dc we planned to have, we have an age gap of around 20 months between our dc and now I'm 30 I think this is the right time to complete our family. My main reason to have dc at 23 were that I wanted my mum to be a younger grandma and I wanted my grandma my children's great grandma to meet my dc and have a role in their lives. I also wanted to be young when my dc were in the 20s.

We have 4 dc, we are on a decent salary. Earning around 36,000 I am a SAHM, and yes I take the child benefit and child tax that is available. If I didn't life would be impossibly hard. Althought my dh is changing jobs next year and is predicting his salary will be around the 50-60k mark. Meaning we will no longer need to child benefit or child tax. Hopefully I will return to work part time in 4 years when my youngest dc returns to school. The change in childcare provisions is infuriating but we will be able to afford extra preschool sessions without it.

I think the advantages to a large family are never ending. I know my children will always have someone to play with and be creative with, I know it helps them develop empathy and understanding for other people, it also helps them develop maturity and it gives them an understanding of budgeting.

My dc know that we don't have holidays and we follow a budget because they have siblings, I have taught them that a sibling is a precious and an amazing thing to have and that holidays will come later. We have special days out and treats at the weekend. I don't think my dc miss out on anything by having siblings in fact I think as they grow older they will have far more than an only child.

I also don't believe this trend is as uncommon as the article makes out, as many of our friends on simillar salaries have large families. Of between 3 and 5 children. This article feels as though its written to justify the reasons of having only one child and to reassure those with only one child that their decision was best for their child, rather than themselves. How many parents with an only child try to borrow a playmate for the summer holidays or to trips away or to the cinema. Not many of these negatives were included in the article nor were successful adults from large families.

That's an obnoxious article all the 'spoilt singletons' 'little Emperors' bollocks with a little bit at the end about the 6 onlies they found on wiki who they reckon are ok (and even then it includes Lance Armstrong!). I'm also aware of quite a few parents of more than one who foist extra tuition, piano lessons etc on their kids when the children probably don't want it.

Onlies aren't a new phenomenon in any case: DS is '4th generation' only - 2 of my grandparents were onlies as a result of WW1/the father dying young of other causes, both my parents are onlies (presumably in part because each had one parent who at least had grown up realising onlies aren't freaks), I'm an only and so is DS.

We could have afforded more children but just didn't feel the need/desire to have them. The security to trust that feeling undoubtedly came from the fact that to me only children are nothing unusual, grow up well adjusted (the proof being generations of my family seem to have the social skills which enable them to find a partner and go on to have a child), and all of the onlies in my family have happy memories of our childhoods.

I can't read the article as I know it will upset me - they always do.

We have dd an only, she's 4 next week. We have TTC for #2 since she was 1 but with no luck sadly. We gave up recently and decided to focus on the fact that we are so lucky to have her, and lots of people can't even have 1.

We still get a lot of "When are you having another?" but I have started being honest and saying "We can't!". That usually finishes the conversation pretty quickly.

I don't recognise the statistics at all where we live - we feel in the minority definitely. In her class of 17, I think there is 1 other only child, mostly 2's and a couple of 3's. Most of our friends have 2 or 3.

DD is certainly not spoilt and we are bringing her up to value good manners and kindness/sharing

As an aside I have 1 sister, but we don't even speak and live at opposite ends of the country!

Agree, some of my favourite friends are onlies. And some of the most spoilt, entitled, selfish people I know come from big families

Some of my favourite friends are onlies . .

Isn't the Telegraph's usual party line that it's selfish to have children you can't afford? But now it's also selfish to only have one child if that's what you can afford? Gotcha.

I hate the idea that my family is stigmatised by my son being an only child. Who I. Their right mind would think like that? Not worth knowing, people like that - oddballs.

Yes. I have one chid primarily because of the cost. I want to carry on working but if I had a second child it would probably mean I'd have to give up work and rely on just my hsband's wage and benefits (which I would get more of if we were on one wage) ...I really woudn't want to do that so just the one for us, plus I am too old. Plus I had to have IVF.

Coud Also be that more people are havng children in their forties, meaning if they have their first at 40 they may not be able to have another. When I say 'more people are having children in their forties' I mean since the 1940s as statistics show that back in the 40s and 50s there were more 40 something's having children than there are now.

I have one DC, and although we are both working (we earn around £45,000 between us) there's no way we can afford another. The cost of Childcare already means we can't afford to do anything with our baby, like swimming lessons. The plan is that once he's at school, we can hopefully afford a better lifestyle for him. Having another baby would scupper any chances of that, because one of us would have to stop working. I'd love to have more children, but we simply can't afford to.

I have an only child. I never planned to have children so it was rather a shock and I definitely didn't want to do that again. My DH had the snip but now we are no longer together. Answering the questions about having another with 'I'm single' is a great way to kill that conversation.

I do regret that my DC doesn't have siblings but I was never in the position of wanting to provide them and being able to.

My parents do find an only child a little difficult when they are here because they are not used to it and expect DC to play without involving them all the time, but my DC doesn't have siblings to play with or to fight and argue with!

We have lots of only child families as friends, most single parent families, 3 we met on holidays last year and have kept in touch with. The children all love having someone else to play with so we often do things together. I think the only children have a great empathy with each other.

I do not know if there are other only children in my DC's class, can't think of one, must ask...

I only have one DS, and my one set of friends have one daughter and are not having any more. However, 7 other couples that are my friends have 2 children, so the 'almost half' comment was a bit surprising.

I see having a child as a special time, I didn't want children for many years and was an older mother (37) when DS was born, but I think I can afford to give my DS everything he needs with regard to time, but I would have to split my time if I had more than one. Only having one meant I could take him swimming every week on my own without dragging another adult along to be with the second child. It's easy to take him on rides at the funfair, I'm thinking of those rides for little ones where you only have enough room for you plus one. Ditto to shopping bags in one hand and the child's hand in the other.

I am perfectly capable of seeing the benefits of having more than one, namely them playing together, but personally that doesn't outweigh the benefits of having one IMVHO.

Cheaper? Not sure about that one.

Most of my friends have 2-5 children. I know a few with only children and usually it is through infertility/age than deliberate choice. 3+ children is very popular too.

I think only child families are becoming less of a stigmatized group.

All the reasons listed, albeit in a very offensive manner, in the article are valid ones I've heard many parents cite. I think those parents to be very honest and pragmatic. So surely there will be more families who can relate to each other for those reasons?

As it stands, I have one child and am unsure if I could have a second. I don't worry that my DD will be a "spoilt singleton" at all. She already has a loving family and lots of little friends. She'll be fine.

I agree with Snog. I am a FT working mum and my partner works FT too. It just about works with one child. I can't imagine doing it with 2. ( I mean of course without live in nanny that does everything, homework, costumes for school play, dinner. )

When I was at school, in a class of around 30 there were only 2 children who were 'only children'

My DC (I have 2) 7 & 9, are now in the minority in their classes by having a sibling.

We are a one child family. And very happy. It's because
1 I found pregnancy a bit traumatic because of a previous miscarriage and I developed obstetric cholestasis.
2 ds never slept and it sent us round the twist and I can't do that again
3 money has been tight, but if we stay as we are, life is good and affordable with treats and holidays now and then
4 I'm too old to do it all again
5 I'm an only and I'm alright
6 we have lots of friends and family with children

I am surrounded by families with one child. In fact I know more people with 1 child than I do with more. This is not the case however for ds's class. The norm is 2 or more.