Parenting: Cameron's childhood adviser says we're all getting it wrong. Is she right?

I am not taking it personally. I am sure that a lot of others on here have similar difficulties to me.

I am offended by your post. But I didnt take it personally.

sorry that was to wanna, so what should she be focussing on?

why are you taking my post personally?

I don't think it's weird germy and definitely not that she's too close to the truth - I'm affronted by her ill thought out views because I care about the children in our country and the attitudes and policies which will affect their lives.
There are so many other things that any spokeswoman for children and families or adviser on childhood should be saying instead

Too near the truth?

I cannot afford to heat my fucking house, nevermind take my kids to all the classes going.

And I dont need to worry about my DDs access to the internet, 1) shes 4 and 2) I use my phone. We dont have a laptop or PC because again, we cannot afford it.

Yep, thanks for standing up for us Justine.

Another thing occurred to me - all these "activities" might be less important if kids could, for instance, have proper music lessons at state school.

weird how so many on here are affronted by her views, maybe a feeling of being a bit too near the truth?

i dunno, i agree with lots of what she is saying and in my experience kids either get too much or too little

to be honest i'd rather concentrate on the kids who are left to wander the streets alone or with other kids but the children who are ferried about to lesson after lesson without any free time do suffer too.

i agree parents are doing the best they can but sometimes i do think they interfere too much in their childrens lives.

this is what i've experienced in rl btw not on mn

I think she was very undermining actually of the fabulous job most mothers do in raising their children, of their tremendous energy, love, and commitment in doing their best for their DC's.

And a very important part of what we can offer is in delegating some of that input into our children's lives to others. We choose carefully those that will be able to complement what we ourselves can offer. So for example with my DS he has extra male input from a world champion karate teacher, a fine trumpet teacher (who was able to identify that DS had a natural aptitude for that instrument) and band leader. These men have provided wonderful, diverse role models to my DS, in addition to the contribution DH can offer.

I'm slightly offended by the way Mrs Perry talks about both my efforts and theirs (all those also contributing their time and talents in my DC's lives)
As they say "It takes a village to raise a child"
IMHO my views are more considered and balanced than hers.
If she ends up with egg on her face over this I'd like to apply for the job please Mr Prime Minister ! (DC is confusing on here !)

Half the people I know can no longer afford after school activities and are so damn busy WORKING in the evening to pay for the rising cost of everything and lack of pay rises that it's not surprising the can't 'snoop' on their kids.

Stupid, out of touch, disenfranchised. Don't know how else to describe this woman. Love to see her survive on our wages AND be the perfect parent. This govt seems determined to alienate it's people on every level.

Go Justine indeed!!!!! To my mind this woman's job is like a lot o the jobs within this government...created to scrutinise, criticise and create a pile of useless sound-bites to avoid actually doing anything of use and to try to detract attention from the real issues we are facing.

Thinking about the nation's children as a whole all nearly-15-million of them does Ms Perry really think that the top issue facing them is that their parents spend too much time ferrying them around between tennis lessons, swimming and extra Mandarin? Really ? Did she miss this story, for example? Or this one? Or this?

Well said Justine - and I'm glad the cupcakes got a mention - they were the most surreal bit and the most amusing

If they're so worried about he nation's children perhaps they should ocus on the shambles that they are about to create with single working parents and how it's going to drive children even further into poverty? Perhaps they should be addressing the very real crisis of lack of affordable housing? Perhaps they should be concentrating on the education system and that it's a complete shambles? Perhaps they should concentrate on making sure there is good quality, affordable child care available for families struggling to make ends meet? Where are all these parents who have all this free time to ferry their kids from one activity to the next? Perhaps they should concentrate on making the bloody robbing banks and multinational companies pay their way instead of using the weak and vulnerable as "scrounging" scapegoats. I wonder how much money this woman is being paid?

Sorry if it has already been mentioned, but

Go Justine!!!

But Mrs Perry's views came under fire from Mumsnet founder Justine Roberts, who insisted parents were "doing their best" and were "knackered most of the time".

She told BBC News: "Mothers are, sadly, used to copping a lot of blame - but being charged with being over-protective, cupcake-baking helicopter parents at the same time as being feckless, couch potatoes who let their children have unfettered internet access is a bit rich.

"Of course there are some 'tiger mum' types who are micromanaging packed improvement schedules for their children... but on Mumsnet certainly, they are far outweighed by others who share Clare Perry's view that unstructured time is really important."

Ms Roberts added: "Politicians could more usefully perhaps focus on improving local schools, job prospects, childcare options and flexible work solutions than telling us how to be better parents."

link

These are such minor points for Claire Perry to be getting concerned about.

However, surely it is better for the child to be at an activity than watching tv all day- socialising and perhaps learning something, exploring their interest? Far better than to have an adult ignore them and not bother or worse. Also does Perry assume everyones goal in life is to go to university? in the future especially it will not be 'the be all and end all'.

Should be pushing for communication and education, that is all parents can do regarding children being on their smart phones etc

I think there is some truth in what she says, primarily for a certain sector of society i.e. the middle classes.

I do think the issues of setting boundaries/discipline and being too involved are relevant for many parents though. A lot of parents now think their children should be the centre of everything and expect schools, universities, etc should bend to accomodate them rather than expecting their child to fit in.

I do, however think the issues of poverty, neglect and poor education should be far more pressing though

I really can't believe that our government's adviser on childhood thinks the first thing that needs addressing in our society to make things better for children (her first point after all) is ......

mothers should stop taking their children to so many after-school activities.

Is she for real ?! And where is her evidence that this does more harm than good.
Because IMHO she is completely wrong.

Plus there are so many more important issues it's not true !

.... Such as child poverty for one (as many here have said)

Nope, sorry.

CBA to get cross about some random Tory chancer doing her witterings (apart from being mildly aggrieved that we're presumably paying her for them), or indeed even to read them.

I can't see any reason why what she has to say about parenting deserves more of an audience than say, my mum, or the lady with a guitar who runs our local toddler group, f'rinstance.

But she isn't saying anything outrageous enough to get upset about, is she?

"We've created a treadmill, it's usually the mother that is orchestrating all of that and doing all the driving" - well, nice of Ms Perry not to massively over-generalise about an entire gender.

"A lot of it is women who, because it is difficult to get on, subjugate their own ambition into their kids" - again, nice to her to basically say that women fail at their careers or life dreams and so have to badger their kids to do well.

I just find this so depressing. If a man said it, he'd be ripped apart as a sexist fool who was out of touch.

I accept that many parents will not be as digital savvy as their children. But you don't need to do anything apart from exist to see that.

Does the government really think what British people really need at the moment is some woman-bashing "expert" telling them stuff that sounds like it could have been spouted in the 1950s? When the government is cutting genuinely needed services that help children without much money behind them access much-needed care and support?

I suppose she is saying that the money we spend on organised activities or electronic gadgets cannot replace the TIME we might spend with them if we weren't too busy earning money, or ferrying them.

I don't agree in the detail, because most activities teach children independence or some vital skill which helps them holistically, like how to do team sports, or improve their coordination or learn an instrument. Scouts for example can raise self esteem, extra tuition can make the difference between understanding something and never understanding it.

But I do agree that it shouldn't replace what you can do for free, talk to your kids, converse with them, walk with them, hang around with them. Kids don't want to hang around their parents all the time, but the most hardened teenager wants their parent's attention, some of the time.

I am surprised that MN missed yesterday's Times with a report on Sue Palmer's new book ' raising unhappy girls, a troubled generation' ( or similar title) . It makes Claire Perry seem very mild.

And which of Cameron's other advisers have no qualifications and little relevant experience for their role ?

Which other front page articles in The Times recently have been based on no research or evidence ....

A recipe for a cupcake is more thoroughly researched and detailed than this recipe for the ingredients and method needed to raise your child/ our next generation of citizens

1. Not likely, I don't have the money to do so. My DC's are more likely to be playing in the Country Park or playing board games than expensive, organised activities.

2. Of course I do - my 14yo DD would not be allowed on fb if I wasn't allowed her password so that I can check on her activity whenever I want. Ditto access to mobile. Why wouldn't you keep an eye on what your DC's are up to online? You don't need to 'spy' on them - but you do need to make sure that they are keeping themselves safe.

Others may have made the same points earlier, but:

EVIDENCE PLEASE. Or is it all based on what her circle of friends are doing which she terribly disapproves of?

And how much time and energy I devote to baking cupcakes is none of her business. If you like baking cupcakes bake them. No Tory MP is going to tell me whether I should be obsessed with cupcakes or not. Honestly. What's wrong with baking cupcakes? This is a symptom of deep misogyny which demeans perceived feminine activities.