Parenting: Cameron's childhood adviser says we're all getting it wrong. Is she right?

Would they be Rich Tea?

I think you'd find they'd be biscuits, Linerunner, this is mn after all ;)

I would like to see Tory Claire and Call Me Dave take 3 actual real women (I'll volunteer) and give a timetable (costed) of how we should be bringing up our children.

They would be fucking toast.

for Claire P as surely sending her kids to boarding school is the ultimate in filling every moment of your children's lives ?

If you take out the children who genuinely want to do loads of activities, and the children who are involved in after school activities which are actually a form of wrap around child care, are large numbers of children being over scheduled?

Who would be able to afford it?

They are not going to go straight in to well paid jobs these days- that is a thing if the past- so they need to learn.

Point 2 on internet safety is valid, however it would have more force if CEOP weren't not being merged into the National Crime Agency as part of cuts in policing. The Head of CEOP resigned in protest as he saw that his division, there to protect children on the internet, was being watered down.

Consistent? I think not, keep CEOP separate and focusing on what it is doing, if is working, don't meddle with it.

Frankly parents can't win. They're always in the wrong. No matter what they do.

It's not that I disagree with letting kids get on with it or parents making sure they know what's happening on the internet etc, but where is she getting her evidence? They're not very measurable things, are they?

Is the 'too many activities' stuff just an excuse to cut funding for kids' activities?

I don't think parenting (beyond corporal punishment) is really an area for government legislation. Which is lucky, because I'm not sure exactly what concrete laws she would hope to bring into place based on these statements.

Something else has just dawned on me. I went to university with a lot of students who had been to boarding / public school. Many of them had no idea how to make egg on toast, no intention of learning, and realistically, no need to at all. They went straight from catered boarding schools, where they passed lots of exams, directed Beckett plays and played rugby, to Oxbridge, where they ate in college, had their rooms done by bedders, did the same activities as school, and from there into well paid jobs, frequent eating out, and having cleaners in their early twenties. No one worried that they weren't wasting their time learning how to change the hoover bag.
(Socialising with people like this I found that many of them were very skilled in manipulating those with lower expectations of being served, to serve them - but that is another issue)

anyway - is the issue that ^too many people are learning to direct Beckett plays, and in fact the wrong people?

And I don't think that someone who has their DCs at boarding school is in a position to advise ANYONE on childcare. They should know better and just shut up. A bit like Diane Abbot - don't do what I do, do what I say.

I would definitely snoop.

There is so much horrendous stuff online - I am so glad my DCs are adult and I don't have the thought of what they might be seeing worrying me. Some of the stuff I have inadvertantly seen has haunted me for months.

Add to that some peer pressure (possibly when they are early teens and don't know any better) and they have probably seen more than we will ever.

Cameron's advisor on Childhood ought to know that stimulation in in the early years is very important. This was the basis of the children's centres that the previous government set up, to help children develop, during the 0-5 years. Given that this government have cut sport and the arts in school, he really ought to know better than have his team criticise parents who try hard to provide stimulating activities for children. I bet his children do lots too.

It pains me that I have to agree with anything Tory related but I actually do agree with both these points.

I have spent my career working with young people and I have repeatedly observed the following: young children / teens who can happily spend unstructured time on their own tend to have better mental health and better educational / life outcomes than those who can't. There is something about having to spend time alone that teaches kids about managing their expectations - and indeed coping with boredom and delayed gratification.

A couple of enjoyable hobbies for a child is great but I recently ran into an acquaintance who I hadn't seen in a while and immediately had to listen to the list of six activities that her DC were taken to every week (that's 6 each). It was like a comedy sketch of the pushy middle class mother. I would have laughed if I hadn't been exhausted just listening to the list

The trouble is it immediately breeds paranoia amongst other mothers: oh god, should little Charlie also be going to x, y and z to avoid being left behind?! Our DD is still a baby so have a while to psych myself up for this. I also think that unless we have had a very disordered upbringing parents need to rely on their own gut instincts and common sense more in raising children. There's too much navel gazing and hand wringing over the whole thing.

As for the digital stuff I think it is more important to give kids the right knowledge and sense of consequence that they make good choices themselves - but a degree of snooping is essential, especially with the 11-14 yr olds.

Boris Johnson's dad was lecturing us all re letting kids run feral and the woes of helicoptering.As his kids were educated privately with hoards of activities I suspect on site and a massive pad for kids to run wild safely around at home he too is talking out of his backside.

A cynic might think these wealthy Tories don't want all the riff raff lower classes in competition for uni places further down the line.

That is odd, AuntySib -- given that her own three children are at boarding school, being pumped full of extracurricular activities outside her direct supervision, I'm not sure she's best placed to lecture everyone else on either "filling every moment of our children's lives with organised activities" or being "too busy to monitor our children's text messages and internet exchanges".

She has certainly upset people! It is very weird that people come on here very judgemental of other parents, but as soon as an outsider turns up they all close ranks! Of course there are lots of child poverty problems that need solving first but everyone knows at least one over protective, helicopter parent whose DC will end up at university not even knowing how to operate a washing machine and never having had to work out public transport alone.
Parenting is giving roots and giving wings and you have to start early-not strap them on at 18yrs and expect them to manage. And there are certainly many parents who won't simply say 'no' to their child-in case it upsets them!

I can't be asked to read the whole thread, and of course there are more pressing problems. Nevertheless, Claire Perry does have a point.

Thumbwitch - agree. It's the "all children need is a wooden spoon to play with, and you can feed your family on 4p a week each if only you can be bothered to shop and cook properly" school of Tory cliché.

Yes, the problem of too many activities/not enough actual life skills is one that affects middle-class children. However, the problem is that, with social mobility in the UK being so weak, it is these children who will consider themselves born to run the country and be the ones becoming MPs' researchers etc. Claire Perry probably comes across them all the time. So I can understand her frustration :)

I think someone who farms off their children off to boarding school ( Ms Perry) doesn't really have relevant experience to pass judgement on other people's children.

Seeing as the Tories are constantly pushing through 'reforms' that will hurt children and families then I couldn't give a shiny shit about what their 'childhood advisor' says about parenting.

Another Tory making pronouncements based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence? At least she's just an "advisor" and not the Minister for Education.

She might be able to afford to do non-stop activities with her kids, but most of us in the real world either a) can't afford it, b) spend a lot of time working ourselves, and c) have a far more rational approach to parenthood.

Just another crap adviser trying to prove that she's actually doing some work for all the money they're paying her.

Why the fuck would i listen to anything this joke of a government says when it clearly evident they don't give a flying shit about struggling families, they really are a bad dream i wish i could wake up from.