Parenting: Cameron's childhood adviser says we're all getting it wrong. Is she right?

Is the ConDem coalition trying to wind parents up? I should be a core voter for them (degree, city job, married) but the onslaught of family unfriendly initiatives in recent months have really put me off!

cuts to children's services like sure start
failing to recruit the 3000 extra mw's we were promised at the election
the nursery ratio shambles which has boiled my piss, quite frankly. with its incredible stupidity.
...and now Pushy Perry wants to tell parents who want to provide their kids with interesting activities that we're doing it all wrong?

Articles like those show just how totally out of touch our supposed representatives are.

If she really wants to help perhaps she should stick to trying to secure funding for children's services rather than denigrating parents so we get het up about that while they cut more classes at sure start/close another hospital/close another library?

Perry, if you're reading this, have a biscuit to stop the flow of utter nonsense from your mouth.

Is it just me wondering why the fk Cameron needs an advisor on childhood?

And cupcakes,what is she on about?

Who are these parents?

We're on enough to lose our CB and have to rely on grandparents to pay for swimming lessons?

I don't know anybody with the money to pay for hoards of activities,even subs for cubs are a masseeeeeeve amount of £s.

Just shows how massively out of touch the Tories are with the real world.

pointless parent blaming based on a very narrow viewpoint which will achieve nothing. misogynistic undertones as well IMO

waste of resources Tories should be concentrating on tackling child poverty which is a real issue they are responsible for.

I don't think the comments are inaccurate as such but i don't think they should be top priorities.
Yes it is true that some parents organise too many activities. They are generally caring loving parents who want the best for their children. I personnally agree it is not ideal but I don't think these parents need reprimanding by the govt or that it is an issue the govt needs to take any action on whatsoever.
Re: the second point, I think this is also true and more concerning. I think there would be benefit to educate parens in this matter, just a website containing simply advice would suffice.
I do think there are much bigger childcare / parenting issues that are likely to cause much more damage to children (neglect, poverty etc) and that these are the issues govt should focus their efforts on, not parents who are trying too hard.

Hmm what a load of tosh.

I get pissed off when wealthy Tories with kids probably going to private school (which have a lot of extras included and top notch teaching)and a life of connections ahead of them tell us with kids in shite schools what to do(yes I'm looking at you Boris and your dad too).

Should we all have pots of time and cash to try and help our kids get on(which nobody I know actually does) who are Ms Perry and Eaton boy to judge?

Given Ofsted have just put the DCs perfectly satisfactory school in to special measures for the most spurious of reasons the government can piss off.
(They are an academy, so they don't even have that excuse).

It is not going to make my DCs lives better if school roll falls and teacher recruitment becomes even harder.

It is not going to make them have more free time if teachers give out more HW.

Apart from gay marriage, this Government is getting everything wrong. So excuse me for paying little attention to any of her "advice".

I wonder how many organised activities politicians' pampered over-privileged dears in private/public schools do? I bet they have no time to take a breath between clarinet, horse-riding, mandarin, lacrosse, which nanny takes them to, of course. And then they get packed off to boarding school, where their lives are organised for them, then to Cambridge where their lives are organised for them, then to Inns of Court or straight to Westminster, where their lives are organised for them. So they live their lives with others looking after them and never having to fend for themselves.

And then it goes full circle and they lecture the proles on how to live their lives. Never having actually met one, you understand. But much more seriously, they also presume to know what's best for the country and how to run it.

I think it's a fair point that some parents have their kids doing organised activities every night after school and at the weekends too yet are remarkably lax about supervising what their kids get up to online.

Boredom - I think the idea is you should leave kids to amuse themselves sometimes, rather than constantly direct their activities. Children whose every hour is filled full of stuff they are told to do, that is organised by adults, are not being given the chance to develop and grow. They are not learning the skills they need to cope in adult life. Those children do exist and it's good to see criticism that applies to middle class parents - usually the media and political focus is always on bashing poor families. I know these children exist, I see them at ds's state primary, btw - one, two or even three organised activities a night, every night at least one. (Three e.g. if they are in brownies/cubs, learning an instrument and doing more than one sport.) Then the parents moan that they are always busy rushing from ballet to brownies to swimming... how do they think the kids feel?!

She's living in middle class oblivion. These are not issues that should be anywhere near her top priority.

1. Most parents can't afford this, so it's irrelevant. Of those that can, ime most are pretty sensible about it and just give their kids swimming lessons and maybe music/football/dance lessons if they are really keen. It's a tiny % who run around to Mandarin/Mini Latin/Ballet/Rugby/Harp/Lacrosse lessons every minute.

1. 'Snooping' is the wrong word. I think you are risking your relationship with your teen if you do this. You talk to them, explain the risks and tell them you will be making random checks to ensure their safety. This has worked so far for us and we (mostly) trust them. If we saw a red flag we would certainly look at their accounts more regularly and they know this, they know exactly where our line is. They also know we love them and would help them out of a bad situation if they made a mistake. However, teenagers need a private life, I said and did all sorts of stuff that my parents knew nothing about at their age. But I had learned where the boundaries were and knew not to cross them. That's what parents are for. Trust is important with teens, but does need to be earned. I certainly don't agree that most parents are living in "digital oblivion". Some live in chaos, which is where help is really needed, she needs to look at all the issues surrounding that chaos before lecturing us all in this way.

I think she is a silly woman, jumping on a parenting bandwagon.

Her full name is Claire Loud Perry according to wiki.

Somewhat apt if true, as she is the one David Dimbleby had to keep shutting up on Question Time on Thursday night.

A very few of the parents I know do the sort of parenting criticised by Claire Perry. While I strongly agree with that sort of parenting being infantilising and dangerous, I do think it is a minority activity.

I disagree strongly with DC being allowed to be bored, however. Boredom is not constructive. DC need to be taught skills that they can practice on their own, without supervision, but leaving them to entertain themselves with no useful skills is incredibly harmful.

I wish my parents had organised activities for me. It never even seemed to occur to them that I could benefit from actually doing something other than go to school.

I know that some parents go overboard with the number of activities their children do, but I would have thought they were such a minority that they were scarcely worth mentioning.

Far more harmful in my view is the emotional neglect that seems to be so prevalent.

I`m always shocked to hear that many families rarely eat together, with meals being taken on a tray in front of the tv. As children these days often have their own tv in their bedroom, when do families actually get together to talk about their day?

Children need their parents love and attention; no amount of expensive gadgets can compensate for indifferent parenting.

We can't afford to send dd(13) or ds(3) to hundreds of activities so dd quite often has to think for herself and come up with interesting ways to spend her time on a budget (bit like when I was her age). Ds has fun going to the park and things that don't cost heaps of money.

I snoop on dd's text message and facebook messages loads of times then bring up any topics that i think need addrssing, sometimes I think she is going to see how blatently I know what is goinng on in her life but so far nope.

This is what she says in the article:

Children?s lives are being blighted by intrusive parenting that leaves them unable to cope on their own, according to David Cameron?s adviser on childhood.
Every moment of a child?s life is filled with organised activities, leaving young people unable to fend for themselves when they go to university, according to Claire Perry. Yet at the same time, they are allowed free range of the internet, where real dangers lie. ?We?ve created a treadmill. It?s usually the mother that is orchestrating all of that and doing all the driving,? Mrs Perry said. ?We have created rods for our own back. Children need time to be bored.?

Many parents admit that they do not know how to balance protecting their children and preparing them for adult life where alcohol is cheap, drugs widely available and sexualised images are easy to find on the internet

Mrs Perry said that, despite the intense focus on children?s lives, parents were often afraid to lay down the law. ?Good parenting isn?t just about making sure they come top in maths but all the difficult stuff too. If they don?t learn the limits from us who is going to tell them??

There is too much to copy and paste-these are the bits that I agree with in general.

Lol. You send messages to your ADULT KIDS FRIENDS on fb?!!

I agree with texting snooping.

Mate of mine discovered long term grooming by a family member in this way.

You might have to turn a blind eye to swearing etc but you can't be too careful.

How odd. Who is Claire Perry? Apart from being an MP what authority does she have? Power, clearly, since she is in the papers, but authority?

Anyway: guilty of providing structured activities- almost certainly too much, but I am pleased to report that years later DC are not computer bound as a result of developjng a liking and habit for extracurricular activities. Not necessarily the same ones we spend loadsamoney and time on, but similar. The advantage is they arent depressed and have a good social life.

Not guilty of spying on texts. Guilty of being their facebook friends and sending private messages when their online friendship circle appears unsuitable or unsuitable language or unsuitable links are on their home page. Both, oddly, continue to be my facebook friends and seem pleased to have a mum that is looking out for them. I sent a particularly waspish message to someone who was very rude posting on DD home page and that person shut up. Both DC are in their 20's.

I don't agree with her first point from a personal point of view. I have always encouraged my DD to be able to entertain herself, as she is an only, and I also manage very few activities because I am very busy shit at life

I think the second one I will do to an extent, as I don't want anything untoward to come up, however my parents didn't supervise my phone or internet use at all, so I won't be doing it obsessively.

I agree with her, up to a point, if you read the entire article. Children are over protected and not allowed out because parents perceive the local community to be dangerous and yet they are in far more danger on the internet in the privacy of their own bedroom.
They are babied to a degree that isn't healthy-you only have to read on here that 10 year olds have never made a cup of tea, never made toast and never cut vegetables with a sharp knife. The mother is still supervising them making cup cakes when they are way past that and can be cooking a meal.
If you suggest that a 4 yr old can do simple household task some mothers react as if you are sending children up the chimneys as in Victorian times!
Eight year olds are never left alone for 10 minutes at home-the comment that nearly always turns up is 'I might be in a car crash'! Why they want the DC in a car crash with them is beyond my understanding!
There are 8yr old boys who are still taken into the ladies changing room with mother, or even the ladies toilet.
There are children who can't entertain themselves-boredom is one of the best things for a child.
They don't think that 14 year olds can use public transport alone.
They never learn to risk assess and sort things out for themselves.
I find it frightening that DCs get to 18yrs-can head off for Thailand alone, if they have the money; and certainly life alone in a strange city and there has been no gradual build up.

Oh and I am an excellent parent because at this moment my children have no internet access because I am hogging the laptop and are free to play unsupervised because I am ignoring them whilst I MN.

She needs to provide good evidence, across the full socioeconomic spectrum, for whichever point she is, in fact, trying to demonstrate. Then I might, perhaps, listen to her.

^^ This is worth repeating again.

If you read this thread, Claire Perry, please go away and do some proper research before spouting your personal opinions as if they were fact.

I think Claire Perry needs to get out more. In the absence of any data or sources for the drivel she's spouting, I can only assume that she's basing her views on her own experience or that of her immediate peer group - a group that may very well spend all its time ferrying its children by car from activity to activity when not baking cupcakes with them.

Meanwhile, in the real world, huge numbers of families are having to choose between, say, Brownies or swimming because they're unable to afford both, or are unable to provide their children with any activities whatsoever due to cost. The children I know who do lots of 'activities' do them with their childcare providers while their parents are out working long hours to provide the basic necessities for them.