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Original poster

Getting Mumsnet back to the way it used to be.

113 replies

Jubbly · 12/01/2004 21:34

I've posted this under Site Stuff because I truly do believe that this is affecting the whole site at the moment - or at least the 'Talk' area.

I apologise in advance to anyone who thinks I am speaking out of turn but I feel I have to say something.

Mumsnet, to me at least, is the very best site of its kind. The posters are the kindest, friendliest bunch of people I have ever had the privilege to meet. I won't make them blush by naming names but some in particular have literally brought tears to my eyes with their kindness and generosity.

I don't know what has happened recently but over the past few days or so the 'atmosphere on here has been awful, Some threads have turned into war-zones with name-calling and insults. On the'safe' threads people are talking about how awful they are feeling after having their professions pulled to pieces.

At the same time new members are afraid to post in case they are accused of being a troll. Posters are feeling hurt when they talk about awful experiences and are accused of lying.

The point of this thread isn't to cast the blame on anyone. I just want to make a plea to people to try to think before they post. Think about how what you say may affect others.Count to ten if you need to but please can we get Mumsnet back to the way it was?

OP posts:
ks · 13/01/2004 10:54

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StressyHead · 13/01/2004 10:53

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Enid · 13/01/2004 10:52

But actually I feel that posters posing as someones ex-h, and virtually stalking someone else, posting their private details on the boards...well actually that is the kind of thing that would REALLY put me off posting. Oh, and being called a b*h.

Enid · 13/01/2004 10:50

I feel a bit the same sobernow...

We aren't like that all the time, honest

dinosaur · 13/01/2004 10:50

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sobernow · 13/01/2004 10:45

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dinosaur · 13/01/2004 10:36

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pie · 13/01/2004 10:33

I agree KS. FWIW I think that the sheer growth of MN has changed it.

ks · 13/01/2004 10:27

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Enid · 13/01/2004 09:46

As people have said, it will blow over. There is the odd poster that could really do with a bit of virtual wrist-slapping though, so I don't mind a bit of argy-bargy, you never know, they might learn something.

Roscoe · 13/01/2004 09:45

As a relative newbie on here I probably haven't gone through the MN toughening-up process yet. I do agree though that it really hasn't been nice here just lately. I've been lurking but haven't dared to post much. I'm even nervous about posting this!

M2T · 13/01/2004 09:31

God YES Fio2 - I hate seeing anyone being upset and scared on Mumsnet..... coz I know how it feels!

fio2 · 13/01/2004 09:30

bet you are glad about that M2T

M2T · 13/01/2004 08:52

I've got to agree that this happens from time to time and it blows over. There is nothing that will stop people becoming volatile in situations where they feel the need to defend themselves. THis has happened on at least 4 occasions that I have seen on Mumsnet. It's not really anything new, although it isn't nice. Thankfully I seem to have missed it all this time!

fio2 · 13/01/2004 08:25

I did a search on 'bitch' and my name came up quite alot, lol I will have to start using stars, I will say when I have used a swear word it has not been to have a go at anyone on here - okay - please forgive me.......

Original poster
Jubbly · 13/01/2004 08:15

Sorry, I should have been clearer in my original posting. I'm not actually a new poster. I've been around for almost a year now (can't believe it's been so long!) but have had had to change my name recently. A close relative has just recommended MN to me and I wasn't sure if this was a genuine recommendation or a hint that she had read my previous posts and recognised me.

I know we have always had our more contentious issues:

Gina Ford, Controlled crying, Bf vs formula, SAHM vs working mothers etc.

These debates have always been heated and no doubt always will be. If we all had the same opinions there would be nothing left to debate or discuss. What I was talking about was the general insult-trading. Type names like 'bitch' into the Search Board and see how many 'hits' you get. I'm sure MN could tell you just how many posts/threads they have had requests to delete lately. Even 'nice' threads have ended up as battles. You only have to look at the 'Arsenal' thread from yesterday to see that it isn't just the threads about children and child issues that are turning out this way.

OP posts:
tamum · 12/01/2004 22:32

I agree with donnie. I do think that in the discussion she is referring to it had got to the point where it simply couldn't have been justifiably ignored. There are some posters, not many, who consistently court controversy and feel able to say whatever they like. I don't think in those circumstances it's very surprising that the gloves come off. This is a public message board with archived threads; all the more reason, I agree, to think before you post, but also a good reason not to have to just lie back and take it if you and your colleagues are being denigrated.

Beccarollover · 12/01/2004 22:23

Can I come to pph towers?

donnie · 12/01/2004 22:11

in principle I agree with what you say Jubbly, but I also believe that anyone who is attacked has the right to defend themselves.This includes verbal attacks and anyone who denigrates an entire profession just because of a trivial incident.Rather like if I slagged off an entire race or religion because I once met a member of that race I didn't like, everyone would jump on me immediately.And quite rightly so.It's nice to all get on and agree but disagreements must be dealt with too.I don't think MNers should avoid confrontation simply for fear of upsetting people.If they are being confronted - deal with it.This is how I feel about the situation.Personal abuse no, justified and reasonable retaliation yes.

CountessDracula · 12/01/2004 22:11

I agree, I remember the first couple of times this happened after I had started posting I got really upset, now I don't as I know it will all blow over in no time.

nearlymybeetrootday · 12/01/2004 22:06

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codswallop · 12/01/2004 21:54

actuallty I lke all the argey bargey -

if you cant take it then opt out of those threads I would say

Hulababy · 12/01/2004 21:53

Lavender - think we can talk about and discuss almost anything. It is personal attacks people don't like though.

fio2 · 12/01/2004 21:51

well done jubbly, i like you

JanH · 12/01/2004 21:50

GINA FORD!!!!

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