MNHQ moving a thread AGAIN due to bereavement without OP asking.

The thread is still in Bereavement, with plenty of people sharing their stories of their angel babies and how they felt pressure to 'move on', not mention their children, sweep them under a carpet.

It's still there. So I'm off to bump it, because you know, it really peeves me.

Having a child with SN must be hard and I'm sorry things are tough for you.

Many of us are struggling with lots of different things. Life can be tough.

"Asmywhimsytakesme Wed 12-Sep-12 18:42:34
I used to research historical attitudes to death. In the seventeenth century if you were ill or dying all family and friends came to visit the house. They helped and brought gifts. More recently a sociologist wrote a book called the loneliness of the dying because death is now so taboo."

Yes yes yes. Fact is death is a part of life. It is 100% certain. One of the few things. We can't escape it. Modern medicine and lifestyle changes mean that we live longer and healthier and thus encounter it less. As a society we are forgetting this. It is not seen as the normal. Whenever and however it happens it is incredibly sad. We will miss our love ones, we might be angry at the timing or method. It will probably leave a hole behind. But it will happen to us all at some point. I for one don't forget this, I don't think that death should be forgotten about, marginalised. I think that if people need to talk about it they should be able. Disease might be catching but talking about death? That isn't. It might make us emotional but truely allowing others to discuss their memories of the person and their traits, their frustrations and thoughts that is our ability to respect other's and their grief. We will all grief differently, but respecting others in the way they chose to do it, be it posting in Aibu with a suitable thread or in breavement for support, that is how we can show our respect for those who have lost others. Moving their posts because others feel it best is, imo, not terribly respectful. We will all encounter death at some point. And personally, I will not be told how I should feel or grieve. That is my decision. Just respect that.

perhaps I might be a bit sensitive. there have been too many funerals in the last few years. the last just a few weeks ago.

I'm not sure I even know where I'm coming from Everlong. I seem to be totally tied up with my son's SN. I don't seem to think outside of that. My posts seem to be tied up with that. I'm sorry that I am so preoccupied with that. I want to listen and be there for others, but largely, I don't think I am.

once I'm not sure which angle you're coming there.

My best and most loveliest friend hasn't lost a child but she gets me, she gets what I've lost.

I suppose it boils down to what sort of person you are at the end of the day.

That wasn't a dig at HQ tbh Helen although you might have thought it looked one.

I know what you are saying, I understand what you're saying and I'm sorry that you've suffered loss too, but I just hope that some lessons can be learnt today.

A lot of people have been upset and angered.

A bereaved mothered isn't a ticking bomb, she won't explode. Give her a chance and she will tell you how she feels.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, so I hope I don't offend anyone, but I think once you have lost a child.... no one, unless they have gone through similar, can POSSIBLY understand how it feels.

You can say you know how you think it would feel. But you don't.
You can say you know how you would act. But you don't.
Trouble is, if you haven't lost a child, you don't have a clue. You don't mean to be clueless, but you are. You can be the best friend in the world, but still get it wrong.

I saw a child get knocked over today. It didn't look good. The driver who hit him was begging me to stay. I left to collect my (autistic) child from school. I couldn't risk being late.

I don't even know why I'm adding that. I want to understand, but I never truly will. Because however much I try to understand what it feels like to lose a child, I never will get it. Unless I live through it.

Your reply MN makes it seem that this was a one off, but it's not. This at least the 2nd thread I have stumbled across very recently where this has happened.

Is everyone at MNHQ aware of this policy? (to NOT move a thread to bereavement before hearing back from the OP)

Perhaps it needs to be made clear to everyone at HQ?

I have never lost a child, I am coming at this issue purely as someone with a bit of sensitivity who doesn't think death should be tidied away to another section.

Hmm.

I am betting those who reported the thread and asked it to be moved because it was too fighty haven't lost a child.

That annoys me also. Let's move it, let's pretend it doesn't happen.

Anyway it was moved and it wasn't the right thing.

But maybe just maybe this whole debate has opened people's eyes. Maybe they will think next time.

Let's hope so.

Incidentally the same thing often happens if people mention that they've been raped or abused. People suggest they go to the relationships topic and seek counselling and won't reply beyond that.

Onceortwice....I think a lot of people would be suprised to learn that bereaved mummies would like to say aibu has made them feel better when they are stressed or can't sleep as well

The problem is as soon as we say our little one has died..its off to bereavement for us...

We are no different to anyone else except our child is not with US...we get angry and want to vent sometimes too ..

Perhaps there should be a clearer warning at the top of AIBU that it encourages debate and that people tend to give strong opinions so posters wishing to talk about a very personal or emotive subject might want to go find a more specific topic. I could see how someone new might wander into AIBU, post something sensitive and get some (unintentionally) harsh replies. Of course a warning wouldn't replace the requirement to stick to talk guidelines but it would mean that posters are informed before they post. In the end it's up to each poster where they want to post and MNHQ asking to move it is a bit patronising really.

Thanks, Helen.

Expat, I think perhaps you are among the few of us who are able to imagine the pain which it took to write those posts. And I am sorry.

AIBU still serves a purpose.

I suffer from chronic insomnia and stress / anxiety and think AIBU has at times saved my bacon.

Sometimes, you just need to talk to someone. Not about your rpoblems. Maybe it's easier that way. But AIBU does serve a purpose.

Too right, deemented. Did you know, in many paediatric hospitals, the oncology unit is not signposted because 'people might it find it upsetting'. They are visiting a fucking hospital, but let's not upset them with the fact that children get cancer, too!

Yip expat ..I think mnhq are missing the big picture...and saying they didn't want lira to get a fight is Just side stepping the issue

Bereaved parents should be able to talk about our little ones whereever and whenever we want...if others get upset tough

Yes that's selfish but do you know what...no one is more upset than the person talking about their dead child

So take a deep breath..thank god its not you and either say something nice or hide the thread