Do you let your son/daughter's boyfriend/girlfriend stay the night?

Im not a current mother , all my kids have flown the nest., however i have a residence order for my 7yr old granddaughter. Recently she has begun overnight contact with my daughter ( her mum) again. Things havent been going great and amongst other things that have come to light is the fact that my granddaughter is being asked to share a bed with her mum and her current boyfriend. Im appalled and expressly forbade it before it even happened. The contact has was arranged through a court order. If i say im deeply uncomfortable with whats happened and want to stop contact until its been reviewed will i be held in contempt of court?

This is being discussed on BBC Breakfast now

Just having an nose at why this thread is permanently top of 'active' list even though not many responses (relatively). There are so many variables, the question needs to be more specific.

I'm sure not many people would tolerate a succession of one night stands from their 15 yr old (BodyofEeyore's acquaintance excepted) but if your 19 yr old has had the same partner for 3 yrs and been living together at Uni then it's not beyond realms of reason IMO.

What I"m more interested in is why is it usually the DH who is uncomfortable with a boy staying with their DD? Women don't seem to have the same problem with the idea of it as a rule. Can we have an article about that please Frances :)

I don't.
When my children were young I used to say that I probably would.
Now they are actually at the age where they could, they can't!

i would - once they had been together for a while though but ds previous gf flouted the rules immediately.
current gf, been together more than 6 months. dh says no i relent. so we are in stalemate.
the gf seems to stay put.
dh is angry.
and so it goes on, most weekends
ironically, or perhaps not, gf own mother wont let my ds stay in her house

I know a lady who has a 16 year old DD. She has been letting the boyfriend stay over since they were 14, and they even bought them a double bed.

She also buys them fags, and pays for them.

I do not agree.

We're going to be like Pam & Billy...
I say yes once my DD is 16 in Nov & will have been dating her current bf 1 year by then. My husband says no way....
Big row brewing already!

Yes, I think its to do with the Billy Connelly interview. I was shocked by what his wife said re other women but, thats another thread I cant be bothered to start

My mother would never have allowed it but, I think we as siblings are more liberal. As long as its not casual, thats the thing.

Arf at Frances getting reported

Yes, when dd was 17 and it looked like a steady relationship. Initially made him stay in the spare room but got fed up with their alarm clock waking us all up at six so he could sneak out of her bed and told him to just stay in with her.

Am still traumatised by the SOUNDS they made, and by realising how much they must have heard of me and dp making similar sounds.

I am sure Frances is lovely too, thanks for coming back with the explanation.

[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2162974/Connollys-big-row-Pamela-letting-daughters-sleep-boyfriends.html] and again

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2162974/Connollys-big-row-Pamela-letting-daughters-sleep-boyfriends.html

Is this the reason for the OP? Was it today on This Morning like someone mentioned earlier? So who's right then? Billy or Pam?

I was allowed my boyfriend to stay when i was 17.....

But i wont let my 17 year old sisters boyfriend stay with us, but she stays at his

Poor Frances being reported.

Yes, I do. DD is nearly 17 and her boyfriend is 18 - they have been together 18 months. He has been sleeping over for the past year - initially DD slept in the spare room, and then about 6 months ago we couldn't be faffed one night so he went in her room. She stays in his room when she stays at his house. It's all cool in my eyes.

I probably would wait not let it happen if it was a more casual relationship.

I used to let my boys have a regular gf to stay but not casual partners iyswim.

It worked out great for me becuase when i got divorced they were very cool about my eventual new boyf unlike some of my friends sons.

Its not easy though to accept your babies are "at it"

Hi all, first post.

Speaking from personal experience. I wasn't allowed to sleep over untill i was engaged lol!

I allow DD and BF to stay as does his parents, they started going out at 16, now 17, I think as parents we have the measure of BF or GF, in a way it brings you closer as you are sharing the next level of adulthood with them, if you nay say to them you could distance yourself from them, we all remember the first flush of love, sometimes it ends badly sometimes not, and when it does we need to hear understanding not told you so. let them make their own decisions, with your guidence.

Yes I do

Not in our case. DD told me she was having sex with her lovely boyfriend long before he was invited to spend the night here. Had she not, he wouldn't have been asked. I would never put a child of mine in a position where I was encouraging them to have sex if they were reluctant in any way.

Ah - well if it results in sparkling clean and tidy rooms, then it might be worth considering

Not sure why everybody assumes that if you don't encourage your children to be having sex in their teens, by letting them share a bed in your house, they will be having sex in a bus shelter. Talk about tarring everyone with the same brush! Loads of people wait you know. I believe there is a POV to be stated that by condoning it, it puts yet more pressure on people to have sex in a relationship before they might be 100% certain. People that aren't quite sure, but have parents saying "of course you will be having sex at {insert 16, 17, 18} so you might as well sleep together here" then puts it into the "expected" category, when actually, many, many people who have ambition, education and interests are just not at that stage, at that age in their lives.
Sorry, that's not worded well, I hope you can decipher what I'm trying to say

Yes, from 17 (they had been together for over a year by then).

They are now 20 and still together.

It does maryz sweetness

You should see the shiny loveliness of DD's room.....

after 16 years of grimness