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Madmouse's open letter to MNHQ about the treatment of those with disabilities on MN

555 replies

madmouse · 20/06/2012 19:05

Dear MNHQ

I joined MN when I was pregnant with my lovely ds. That heady autumn with bump before such words as NICU, neonatal seizures, brain damage, cerebral palsy, speech delay, special school entered my vocabulary.

That was 5 whole years ago - and all that time MN has been a part of my life. Got a lot of support from my ante- and postnatal buddies and from experienced SN mums. Gave back where I could. Became ill with PTSD, found the MH threads, recovered, started to give support on the MH threads.

Now I've come to the point that the only thing stopping me from leaving MN is that I would let down people on the MH threads. Other than that your (MNHQ) behaviour today has been an eye opener and a bit of a final straw.

MN has become, like RL, a place where disabled people and people with disabled children are not safe, not treated equally and not extended the same courtesy and respect as those without disabilities.

What happened today is just a tip of the ice berg. Day in day out threads appear with the same old theme. AIBU to use this disabled space because my baby's maxi cosy is too big and the P&T spaces are full, AIBU to use the wheelchair space on the bus (those two appear weekly by and large), AIBU to think it's nice to be disabled because you get lots of benefits, AIBU to think disabled people have it easy, AIBU to think I should have a free car too seeing as that I pay taxes.

It goes on and on and on. And none of it is ever challenged other than by a small group of us who do all this fighting in RL too - because it affects us and our children.

There is such thing as discrimination. And you do have a duty to stamp it out. Hand off moderation is no excuse certainly seeing how quick you were to delete 2shoes thread when some of us started fighting back against the endless threads of threads which in turn are copies of last week's threads.

I am very disappointed. And I think you have some thinking to do.

Best wishes

OP posts:
Maryz · 21/06/2012 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thereonthestair · 21/06/2012 18:11

Nice one

Myth: Someone who has a disability cannot work (and by association are of no value to society)

Busted: Many people do and may in fact be paying for more in tax than they receive in benefits

Myth: DLA cannot be claimed by those who work

Busted: Many people claim DLA which allows them to work, a number of those end up paying more in additional tax through working than they receive in DLA

Myth: I don't want my taxes spent on those diasbled scroungers/motability cars/wheelchairs etc

Busted: Everyone pays tax in some way. They are not "your" taxes. In fact some people who happen to have disabilities may well pay or have paid more tax than you have in their lifetime, particularly if they were lucky enough to have once been temporarily able bodied.

Myth: welcome to Holland is a good poem.

Busted: no its not. In some cases it is seriously annoying and unwelcome. Not everyone always responds the same to the same things even if they/their family has some medical similarities

PurplePidjin · 21/06/2012 17:27

Mad I've maet a few people with CP and it really sums them up! As much as one can generalise at least :)

madmouse · 21/06/2012 17:17

Well done purple

This one really strikes a chord with me as my ds has brain damage in the oromotor control part of his brain so struggles to speak clearly, and cannto be hurried. But he's bright as a button.

OP posts:
PurplePidjin · 21/06/2012 16:57

Nice on, Jux!

Myth: All Wheelchairs glide along pavements in the same way as the dancers in that BBC advert.

Busted: Most NHS wheelchairs push like a £20 Argos stroller carrying a 5yo and £100 worth of tins from Lidl. The steering is akin to a 30yo shopping trolley. Put your husband in an office chair and try pushing him along the pavement if you fancy a practical demonstration.

Myth: Wheelchair users are people like me who happen to not be able to use their legs

Busted: Some are. But there are as many reasons why someone is a chair user as people using chairs. Having a physical difficulty does not preclude a person having a learning difficulty.

Myth: Someone can't talk normally, therefore their mental capacity must be impaired.

Busted: Expressive communication (speaking) and receptive communication (understanding) are dealt with separately by the brain. Just because someone can't provide a witty comeback doesn't mean they aren't calling you a wanker in their head for making them sit in the cold rain instead of folding your pram

Glitterknickaz · 21/06/2012 16:39

Or a nice shade of vomit...

Jux · 21/06/2012 16:38

Actually, I do quite like the colour idea.....

Jux · 21/06/2012 16:37

Maybe we could have a list of Myths: the motability car is free, wheelchair users need the space on the bus less than the dog in the pushchair, etc, and promote the Myth Busts like is being done with the Rape Myths.

Maybe MNHQ could then add to any disablist post (added in the post, not just posted a bit later) the Myth and then answering Bust, and the post could then be highlighted in a really nasty colour - poo, or puce or something.

(I wasn't really being serious about the colour.)

DashingRedhead · 21/06/2012 15:31

knowitall Can't you give it a rest about the bus? I don't know about anyone else but I'm a bit sick of the bus...

Glitterknickaz · 21/06/2012 14:42

Well I have reported that poster....

PurplePidjin · 21/06/2012 14:36

You'll need someone with a better memory for names than me then! And a better spreadsheet for tracking name changes!

HelenMumsnet · 21/06/2012 14:20

@PurplePidjin

There always is, they do it everywhere. Unfortunately, MNHQ give them the benefit of the doubt in case they're posting in ignorance...

Well, yes. But not if the same poster persists in doing so again and again - beyond the point where they could reasonably be assumed to be posting in ignorance. We'd appreciate a heads-up on anyone who's doing that.

PurplePidjin · 21/06/2012 14:18
Glitterknickaz · 21/06/2012 13:42

#bangs head against wall#
and so we come around again..... HQ care to justify that one?

PurplePidjin · 21/06/2012 13:40

There always is, they do it everywhere. Unfortunately, MNHQ give them the benefit of the doubt in case they're posting in ignorance...

madmouse · 21/06/2012 13:33

There is definitely shit stirring going on Glitter - just wondering whether or not it's worth reporting.

OP posts:
Glitterknickaz · 21/06/2012 13:30

Is it just me that thinks there's a poster on the new thread deliberately misunderstanding and misquoting to spoil for a fight?

ASillyPhaseIAmGoingThrough · 21/06/2012 13:26

I was not showing obvious enough symptoms till 30, no one knows if they will always be in good health.

madmouse · 21/06/2012 13:25

well said dittany

OP posts:
dittany · 21/06/2012 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amillionyears · 21/06/2012 13:06

dont know about the trans bit of what you said.

amillionyears · 21/06/2012 13:05

dittany,they cared about fathers For justice,because it was upsetting their advertisers,ie their income and potential income.That is the reason they got so worried.

dittany · 21/06/2012 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knowitallstrikesagain · 21/06/2012 13:04

Thank you It's all going to be fine

So me saying that I would vacate the space unless I had an urgent appointment to get to makes me disablist in many people's eyes, and only people who would always vacate the space are not being disablist.

My own conscience is clear.

madhairday · 21/06/2012 13:03

Just adding my support to madmouse. I saw the threads but having a bad time physically atm and just couldn't join in after the thousandth 'first come first serve, why should I move' style posting

It's like back a few months ago when a few people on MN were trying to raise awareness of how the welfare cuts would affect disabled people. The lack of interest and support was just appalling, but comments about benefit scroungers etc allowed to stand :(