Can we have or do we have a suicide thread policy for how MNetters should respond?

Exactly - couldn't remember it was you who'd said it but it was very sensible, Heady.

I was personally involved in that one case which is why I find this debate tasteless and disgusting.

I rather think that a person who is reading about and contemplating suicide quietly without any cries for help is, sadly, going to do it anyway. Unless someone spots it and steps in to help. And how are you meant to step in if cries for help are deleted with the rather useless advice of "phone the samaritans, dear".

What I do find mildly worrying is that people a) likened Memoo to known trolls (missed that, must have been after I went to bed, am very and that it happened and glad the thread was pulled); and b) felt the need to tell her off on her thread. Assuming that she is indeed real (which I do) and that she is in an extremely vulnerably place, wtf do you think that sort of comment is likely to achieve??

yes.

Perhaps in the case of suicide/emergency threads MNHQ could sticky them so they stay at the top without the ceaseless ghouls bumping. This would also mean that people would know that MNHQ were aware. If there was less bumping useful support would be more visible for the OP to see. And if it was stickied there wojuld be no need for all the threads pointing to the thread. And MNHQ could change thread title if necessary so that others who may be adversely affected can avoid if they choose.

I do actually think there should be some kind of guideline in sensitive situations like these that people don't post it all over other social networks.
Look what happened to Riven - that was completely ridiculous and very invasive for her.

We should (and I think did) learn from that, because it was mentioned on Memoo's thread when people started talking about linking to FB, twitter etc - but perhaps that should be a guideline because newer posters won't know about that.

What I do find mildly worrying is that people a) likened Memoo to known trolls (missed that, must have been after I went to bed, am very and that it happened and glad the thread was pulled); and b) felt the need to tell her off on her thread. Assuming that she is indeed real (which I do) and that she is in an extremely vulnerably place, wtf do you think that sort of comment is likely to achieve??

It's a known phenomenon that people with low self-esteem, depression and other mental health issues are quite capable of ignoring 100 positive comments and focusing in on the 1 negative, taking that as the gospel truth (because it chimes with their own skewed view of themselves) - and it could be enough to push them over the edge.

While we are not responsible for other users' mental health, we should at the very least be able to demonstrate sufficient sensitivity and emotional intelligence to be able to realise that, surely?

soupy, I really do see what you are saying. MN has pulled off some real feats in the past (I remember reading about the case you are referring to, it was before my time though) and far better save one life than protect thousands of ego's.

as I said, swinging back and forth.

Perhaps if you had been personally involved in such a genuine scenario you may think rather differently.

I know I do.

Yes, wannabe. Far better the one genuine person is not saved/heped so that X number of trolls aren't sucking people in.

maryz, I worry about that too. Ive changed my mind so many times about this, this morning. I tend to not post on those threads, because there is nothing I can say or do. I remember being suicidal and not being able to tell anyone, not even my counsellor, because I didnt want to burden other people any more than I already was. when things started to get better, I told my counsellor and he was horrified that things were so bad.

but when you feel that low, you dont believe that there is a different way out. and you wont believe people on the internet (well, I wouldnt have anyway) but had I read a thread like that back then I would have been unable to function and been pressing refresh constantly. it would have set me back months.

I'm someone else who bumped in the hope that someone who knew the OP would see the thread and get in touch with her. So, also not a random bumper looking for excitement Maryz.

I don't think we need a 'policy' on this at all. People will respond how they see fit, you can't be telling everyone what they can or can't say on a given thread. You will get a mix of responses - that's the nature of the internet.

Maryz - you know what else is interesting; people with different MN habits. People pop on as and when, and perhaps sat afternoon isn't prime MNing time for a lot of people. Your comment that people were just looking for excitement is a bit off.

I bumped, because it only took two seconds and could potentially help. I can only guess lots of other people thought that way also. I also suggested contacting the husband - lots of fb profiles have a 'married to' button, better perhaps to target him than the whole of fb, no?

despite my silly name I'm not cynical at all. Certainly not enough to avoid bumping much less cast doubt on a very sensitive thread. I will help someone if they appear to be in trouble. That's a very common reaction - yes I know it's a chink which can be exploited - but wanting to help, albeit on a very small scale, is a pretty admirable quality, on the whole.

An MN policy is a good idea to help seal the chinks - but belittling genuine MNers naturally kindhearted instincts (or naivety - whatever) leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

wannaBe I have seen you talk of that before and I understand your cynicism, but your were unnecessarily blunt in a couple of your comments. It's one thing being the voice of reason but some of what you said was accusatory and unkind.

yep, I do tend to give posters the benefit of the doubt and have recently reported a poster that Im not sure about, and feel utterly crappy about it because its quite sensitive. But, I do tend to trust the more prolific, longer term posters (esp those I have on FB) more. which is a terrible thing to admit, but there you go. And it is a bit ridiculous, given that CVQ, dizzymare and mamazon were all regular long-termers.

also, in the history of mn there has been just one instance of someone calling an ambulance where the suicide attempt was genuine. There have been a whole lot more where ambulances/police etc have been called where it turned out to not be the case...

You see I am far more cynical than you. Because I have "known" people online only to discover that they were complete frauds. Even to the extent they had killed off their persona by suicide. So I don't think that being known means that someone is genuine. I'm not saying the op of the other thread was or wasn't, I honestly don't know, but I don't think that regular poster crying for help equals genuine vs unknown poster doing the same equals not, iyswim.

wannabe, I do get that. and, if Im totally honest, had it been a poster that I dont "know", I would probably have been the same. and that in itself is unfair.

its a shitty situation, and noone can do right for wrong, because if you ignore and something terrible happened, then you ignored someone calling out for help.

I think report to mn hq and post number for the samaritans. And I think after one person has done that there's really no need for 200 others to pile in and do the same. I think mn hq should delete suicide threads as a matter of course with an email to the op advising to seek professional help.

Thursday night's thread was insane. And yes, I do think there is a huge element of people wanting to be seen to be doing something. Not just on suicide threads, but I've seen it elsewhere with the lengths people want to be seen to be going to in order to "help" someone. The reality is that bumping a thread about a thread over and over and over isn't going to have any impact apart from to upset those people who will be genuinely worried about the op, and to build a sense of hysteria that will continue to grow as long as there is no news.

Lissie, the reason why people said that it was attention seeking is because A, the original op has done this before, and B, she posted an op saying good bye, and then it was reported that she was absolutely fine and had gone to bed. I'm sorry but you can't blame people for being a bit about that. Because the reality is that people do post on internet forums for attention. regularly.

And that is IMO another reason why these threads should just be stopped at source and deleted asap, and posters discouraged from posting on them. Because while one person may genuinely feel that down, there are probably a hundred more trolls who will see the response generated by one such thread and use that to gain attention.

Yes.

But all those sympathetic and vulnerable people, especially the many who depend on the mh boards for support, are left hanging, which can be really, really damaging for them

I totally agree with this. but, then I also think that if one person's life is saved by internet sprites meddling, then thats a good thing. which is why a blanket policy needs to be in place.