Bloggers Specials this week

I'm glad she has you for support. I do hope she comes back.

I haven't contributed to this thread but I have read Jently's blog (a while ago) and am a blogger myself. I have to admit, not being fully aware of the issues and obviously my radar not fully alert, I read it purely as a convicts wife and the issues as a single parent visiting her husband in prison. I am on Jently's FB page and I know she's gutted about what's happened here. I have told her that you all think she was very brave to come back and that I thought this was a really well reasoned discussion thread, as someone else said up thread, this is MN at it's best. I also said that I hope she will consider coming back as she would find a lot of support on MN.

I think Jently has already left. Sad.

Jently
Well done for coming back. You have nothing to apologise for but it took guts to come back to this thread and do so.

I hope that you will stick around. Namechange if you would feel better, but there is a lot of support here for you.

Jently you'll always find support on MN.

Please don't be put off by the assumption that the peanut gallery will hijack any threads.

We'll support you, whether you name change or not.

Also can I echo the advice to just get MN to delete any identifying posts - they are very good on that. If you do choose to leave MN altogether, I do hope you find another source of real support.

Jently - please don't feel you have to leave. If you namechange, you can still get all the support I'm sure you need at what must be a very, very difficult time for you.

And thank you for your apology - that must have taken a lot of courage and I really appreciate it.

Jently there is no reason for you to leave Mumsnet other than if you want to. You will have nothing but support from all of us here (on this thread. I know some people are less pleasant on the boards sometimes) even if you post as Jently after this thread.

I hope you feel able to stick around. Sincerely.

I hope you find support too. I can understand why you are shaken. Thanks for coming back and apologizing, that must have taken a huge amount of courage.

I hope you feel able to come back to MN, jently. It sounds like you've had lots of support on MN and it would be really sad if you don't feel able to continue accessing this wonderful source of support and friendship. You could just have some of the identifying posts deleted and do a namechange and that would protect your privacy. I can understand how this thread must've shaken you and hope it's clear that the criticisms have been aimed at MN's judgement, not at you personally. Take care of yourself and good luck.

I hope you find an alternative source of support, if you are determined to leave, Jently- we are still here if you ever want to return and post, and nobody will be judging you.

Sorry, to clarift I meant apologised on this thread. I have also had an emailed apology.

Thank you to everyone who posted support. I am very aware that the content of my blog and my thoughts have upset a great many people and for that I also grovel apologise.

I think MN / Blog MN made an error of judgement, as perhaps did I. I have been removed from the Bloggers network. They have apologised and perhaps an explanation will follow.

I am also leaving MN. I don't feel it's a safe place for me to come any more, whether I name change or not. I just thought I'd let those of you who have asked know, that I am ok but very shaken by this.
Jently

She has posted and she and I have had an exchange. It was all very civilised.

I disagree that MN should ban blogs by the partners of convicted criminals. Family life with mum/dad behind bars is interesting, potentially compelling and potentially helpful to anyone raising children alone regardless of circumstance. There is the potential to be inspirational and indirectly supportive.

The blog of an abused woman who denies her convicted husband is a rapist does not do that and is not the same thing at all.

The objection is to the content of the blog.

I am absolutely certain you presume wrongly, there.

If you read this thread, you'll see a lot of posts expressing concern for this woman. And I think it's fair to say a lot of the posters here are often found on threads supporting women who're in relationships with violent men. When jently did post, people replied with compassion despite being upset by what she said. There are no deleted posts or personal insults on this thread, which does rather suggest the restraint of posters given the sensitivity of the topic.

You know what Wannabe I don't think you're right.

I think there's a lot of compassion out there for the blogger. As LRD said, no one would enable her, but enabling isn't real support.

Wannabe I know there are lot of tossers on MN nowadays, but there are also plenty of sensitive, kind, intelligent MNers who can see that there is no contradiction between someone who desperately needs support and someone who is in total denial and maybe not be in a place where they can accept that support right now.

MN is still big enough and decent enough, not to have the peanut gallery take over in a case like this. I do believe the blogger would get support here. As LRD has pointed out, she already has done. And I trust that she'll get more.

well I've googled and I can't find anything either.

Maybe the understanding from mn should be that they won't allow the blogs of partners of convicted criminals - any convicted criminals.

Isla yes most of the questioning has been towards mn hq, but to be fair the blogger herself hasn't posted much on this thread. I presume that if she had, many of the posts would equally have been directed at her.

MmeL I found it fairly quickly but also MNHQ should have asked for more detail.

You say it made you feel very uncomfortable. At that point (assuming anyone at MNHQ was reading the blogs) they should have gone back to the blogger for clarification.

Fwiw I think it's a procedural issue. The alternative is that a MN staffer read the blog and didn't get the uncomfortable feeling (worrying and potentially an indication they are in the wrong job or very green and not adequately supervised) or did get that feeling and didn't investigate (negligent).

But I do think it's for MNHQ to investigate.

Wannabe are you reading a different thread? There has been no "negativity direct towards [the blogger]" from the vast majority of posters.

There has been questioning of MNs actions and judgment. That is all.

(Support, incidentally, not being identical to 'agreement' or 'enabling', FWIW.)

wannabe, she's a regular - she's had support here.

Basil
When I first read the blog, I was very uncomfortable. Maybe I am shite at googling, but I didn't find out the details of the case until yesterday when someone PMed me.

So I don't think that MN would have found it immediately.

That they should have looked closer, is now clear. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

so if this woman posted on talk that she was to all intents and purposes a single parent because her husband was doing time for a rape she believed he hadn't committed but was having a hard time of it, bringing up the kids on her own, them only getting to see their dad for two hours a month, having to juggle work and prison visits and school and all that being the parent of a convicted criminal involves, do you honestly think she would get support here? Honestly? Or do you think she would be hounded off of mn for supporting a convicted rapist (despite the fact she herself was a victim) and that before the thread had reached the end of page one someone would have outed her by linking to articles about the case...?

The man is a rapist, I'm not disputing that. And from what I've read about him on the blog he sounds like a fairly unpleasant individual anyway. And it does sit somewhat uncomfortably with me that someone would want to defend someone who was convicted based on DNA evidence.

But clearly this woman is in need of support because she herself has been a victim. If anything, this is a time when she would be best placed to leave a violent relationship, while her agressor is behind bars and cannot influence or get to her, and perhaps if she'd had the support that some on mumsnet can offer, she might be able to see that she is also a victim here.

But instead the defense of the rapist (who is also been violent to her) blinds peoples' view of everything else.

If she herself was not a victim of this man and was just blindly defending him I would absolutely agree with any negativity directed towards her.

But I think the fact she is herself a victim of this man changes everything, and that she herself is not in a position to see just how wrong her views are, and as such, she needs support.