MNHQ so what is allowed.

So you're a different person to her Lougle. Personally if I was being called a liar, I'd be in such shock that I wouldn't want to post about it for a while.

"RichTea, maybe she doesn't want to respond because she's having a shit time. I don't know about you, but if I was having a bad time, I wouldn't be up for talking to people who are calling me a liar."

If I were having a bad time, I couldn't do anything else but respond to those with concerns, so that I could move on..

Mme, yep.

Mme, yep.

MmeReindor (love the name)- research has shown that poorer people tend to give proportionately more of their income to charity/helping out family and friends than richer ones. Whether that is because poor people understand how hard it is to be struggling, or because rich folk don't get that way by being soft-hearted, I'm not sure...

RichTea, maybe she doesn't want to respond because she's having a shit time. I don't know about you, but if I was having a bad time, I wouldn't be up for talking to people who are calling me a liar.

QueenofJacks - what you have posted is my exact problem. People who are in a difficult situation themselves but who have planned effectively and used their own resources to get through a tough patch see a sob story and think 'we are lucky to have what we have, I can spare XXXX'.
When the reality is that the person posting the sob story might actually be in a better position.

Ok, MNHQ...leaving aside the mechanisms that were at work last night. Leaving aside the 'troll/not troll' (I don't actually think anyone suggested trollery, except that MNHQ seem to think that we, the posters who expressed concern/caution/outrage/whatever were trolling). Leaving aside whether there should be systems in place...

MNHQ - could you confirm if any attempt has been made to investigate exactly how much the poster was sent in payments/payments in kind/shopping?

Could you confirm if, in the light of the OP feeling so terribly embarrassed about all this and pledging to return some money, MNHQ are offering the OP assistance in making sure that the posters who she feels should have money returned will do?

Sponsorship, blankets or the donations for CupOfTea/Beatrice are very different, imo.

With CoT, a few of us organised where to send the donations and it was organised by CestTout.

Not a "woe is me", "here, have some cash"

Mme On threads like the 1 in question there were many posts by people saying "I don't have much but I can you some tins, or something from my freezer. Quite often it is the posters who also have little who are the quickest to offer.

I suppose we aren't meant to be discussing a particular thread, but I agree with Lougle that most of last night's dissention came from concern for the OP as much as general discomfort at the cash flying around.

There were a few more pointed remarks, obviously, but not enough to justify deleting the thread, in my humble opinion.

And the OP could have stopped all of the unpleasantness by asking people NOT to send her money once she had had some helpful advice, sympathy and a few kind offers of practical help and some food.

QueenofJacksDreams
That is why I am against people asking (or implying that they would like to receive) donations from other posters.

Yes, the giver may well be someone with £££ in the bank.

But they may be someone like you, who is skint herself but wants to help those that seem even worse off than themselves.

"In this case, it was felt that the OP was getting accused of all sorts and that the thread was degenerating into a trolly bunfight - and it does certainly look that way from what I can see now."

Helen, can you clarify what you consider 'trolly bunfight' as opposed to 'raising concern and pointing out that you don't think something is 'on'.?

We all know and love MN - I've been here 6½ years. In 2 years of posting you will, I suspect have seen every shade of MN life.

I have never known it to be the case on here MN that people are censored for expressing misgivings by site activity. Perhaps it is different now.

Akiram We will have a wonderful Christmas stuffing our faces and basically acting like children for the day We have each other and we have delicious food what more could you want?

The post I quoted is on the thread in chat started by the OP of the thread last night "I might as well rip my heart out and stomp on it" I think.

god, sorry TSC, wasn't meaning to sound as though you were doing the asking

gawd, it's a minefield!

was just interested in how it was all perceived, really, and since we are talking about the generosity of MNers, and various ways in which support has been garnered, etc

sorry

Gah, my cloak is rubbish! Thank you for the reply, Helen.

RealiTree Be careful, you are going to get all of us deleted!

I STILL think a 'no cash offer' rule can stand if it is being enforced vigorously enough. There is a HUGE difference between moaning 'I have no cash' (who does unless you are a millionaire??!!!! And I bet they even have those days... ) and 'here's my bank details/PP'. It's not THAT hard to work out. But I have moderated forums before where things have got nasty very fast/quickly so I can undertand MNHQ not being able to get there fast enough.

In reference to the thread last night, I was slightly alarmed at the rate money was 'promised' but I did take a view that I ain't putting my cash out so it ain't my problem as such. But I then again I am in a lucky position of not having to worry about money but I can imagine how galling it must be for other MNetters who are struggling to read that thread.

A

sponsorship is different if it's via JustGiving or whatever.

I truly cannot see any need whatsoever for people posting their own paypal on the board or people posting about their "donations".

Why is that necessary? If you want to offer help, why not just PM someone - why the need to do it in a public way where everyone can applaud and the OP can offer grovelly thanks?

It's a bit like the times on the Secret Santa thread where someone gets mardy that so-and-so didn't thank them effusively enough. It becomes about the needs of the giver not the recipient and it's all a bit unsavoury .

Should I use my invisibility cloak for good or evil, do you think?