Ahoy hoy mnhq - you aren't going to do anything about AIBU, are you?

I like AIBU. I don't mind the swearing, or the robust opinions.

You are all mere internet sprites, and have almost no effect on my RL (except for that scrummy apple cake). You can't bully me. You don't exist in any real sense. If I dislike what people are saying to me, I ignore it. If I don't like the look of a thread, I don't open it.

I agree that there is too much use of AIBU in order to attract replies as many of the other boards are so quiet. But if you post in AIBU you risk a bunfight. I have AIBU hidden so I don't get sucked in to the most heated threads but suspect I miss a lot of interesting stuff as a result. Stricter moderation of AIBU would help. And maybe merge some of the lesser used topics with each other so there aren't so many of them.

JB and Bibbity speak much sense. Trouble with AIBU for me is that now if you want more than two answers you almost have to post in aibu by default. If this continues you might as well scrap all other topics and just have AIBU.....
And, yes IU hate the 'try another forum' arguement too....

why is it that someone will inevitably say 'if you don't like it go to another forum' it's so bleeding tedious to read

it annoys me when you get some heavyweight topics discussed in aibu though, makes us look like thickos.

(though of course some are )

No I can see what you thought Fab

'But surely there is some merit to 'you posted on AIBU, what did you expect'? Unless you're new to MN then surely it would be crazy to post on there and not expect a bit of a pasting if you were being unreasonable?'

Well for a start lots of people ARE new to MN, AIBU brings in traffic and is on the google hit as a direct link.

secondly, this is the problem - we EXPECT to get a pasting on there. Why? Where did that expectation start? I can still remember being surprised that it was a given that you'd get abuse in that section, the first time I saw it written.

It's not wrong to warn people but to say 'it's your fault' is just wrong - there's no excuse for it. People should be allowed to post anywhere without it turning into a fight. I guess in the bar room analogy, it would be like someone wandering into the back room and tripping over someone's foot - then getting punched for it, because 'it's the fight room, what did you expect?'

But surely there is some merit to 'you posted on AIBU, what did you expect'? Unless you're new to MN then surely it would be crazy to post on there and not expect a bit of a pasting if you were being unreasonable? There are plenty of lovely supportive threads on MN why not use them if that's what you need? Genuine question, not being snippy

And I'm not always around a lot, but there have been times when I've seen an OP who is clearly in a fragile state and has posted something, well, unwise, shall we say and people have been nothing but kind and directed them to other areas

I knew as soon as I posted I had misunderstood the point!

Well done Fab. Sounds like you did the right thing. But we're not talking about taking away the victims, we're talking about taking away the arena in which it is seemingly condoned by management.

People say 'well you posted on aibu, what did you expect' and MNHQ do nothing. It's just below the radar of deletable stuff, but it's pervasive and horrid.

"It's like - a child is being bullied because they, I dunno, they're fat. (like me ) do you say this bullying is happening because this child is here, so we will remove this child and there will be no more bullying?

Or do you say this child is being bullied because people here are bullies. If we take away this child, they will simply find another victim."

Hecate you are right. We have removed our child from the school and the bully has attacked someone else.

jane-tis my home from home

The constant calls of 'bullying' and quicheness are really aggravating.

AIBU would be a lot less fighty if:

1. The thicko Frothing Berserkers were hived off

1. People spoke up and told the Berserkers off where necessary.

in aibu I mean

not the other place you speak of

Well yes Pink, I've noticed you over there an awful lot. no comment

Well, FWIW, I think AIBU is fine. If you don't like it, hide it - it's not a difficult concept.

Last month when certain people were complaining about it (yet again) there was an interesting debate in there re rear facing car seats & how safe they are etc, it was interesting... but no, it got moved to 'car seats' where unless you are buying one and want the boring questions answered (will it fit my car) no one reads.... a good debate lost because it was about a car seat.

AIBU is a general, robust, topic. If you don't like it, post in buggies & lentil weavers unite If you change AIBU there will still be threads about MIL's, P&T parking & DH's being idiots... chat would do fine, but it's nice to have a 'robust' area and a 'gentle' area.

MN has a lot of topics to choose from, choose the others & hide AIBU if you don't like it. It's like going into a restaurant and complaining there is steak on the menu, choose the fish - ignore the steak.

I think aibu is the best section of mn! If posters are upset by words on a screen then may I suggest the other forum would suit them better

Oh FGS. Hide AIBU? Huh. NO.

At the moment if posters get arsey in any other topic, someone can just say "tone it down, this isn't AIBU you know."

What will they say if there is no AIBU

where will i go when i have pmt and its a full moon?

I think a few manners would not go amiss and AIBU is the worst for that but equally I've seen it in _chat and even employment issues where I hang out a lot (I mean WTF!) recently. I think there's a lot more engaging with unpleasant posters. Didn't we used to just ignore them more in the old days? I'm sure I used to use the biscuit a lot when it first cane out and before that.

That said, anyone bleating "bully" because they have been told they abu by the majority needs to be made to stand in the corner for ten minutes with their back to the rest of the class

You can have a survey if you want but I can't run a thread (too busy with deadlines). Tell me what questions you want, I'll set it up and post the link and someone else can start a bun-fight thread if you so wish.

That's I suppose what I would term bullying, it's a gang mentality in a sense, not one person singling out another, but a whole bunch standing in front of you saying 'well? who the feck are YOU then, we're not here to help, you know, unless you know the right way to speak'

It's a bigger place but the proportion of nasty posters to those with more consideration ought to remain the same, I'd have thought.

I see vociferous rudeness a LOT on AIBU

dismissiveness
trying to be clever by being very flip and short with people
Posting just one word

it's so disrespectful. I mean I've had it recently on a thread I started (not in aibu) where I was being spoken to as though I was actually really stupid, only because I'd missed out some detail which led people to file it under 'incredulous - next'

I was appalled, had I not seen it numerous times before i'd have left the site no question, as it was I glossed over the show offy bits and the dismissers and found the helpful, thought out posts. but it was pretty cack to be spoken to like that.

As soon as I said what my old name was, people were far, far nicer, but you HAVE to present yourself well on here or you get wiped the floor with

and that wasn't even in AIBU; AIBU is so much worse as you're told you deserve it.

oh, and yy to it being ridiculous to trot out the bullying line when someone is simply being disagreed with.

Yes, good point. Very good point. Perhaps it is less bullying and more spiteful, verbally abusive and bitchy.

Also unacceptable, of course. And equally deserving of condemnation.

You are right that bullying is normally a more sustained campaign than a spiteful exchange on one thread. one fight, one thread of vile remarks doesn't constitute bullying if you define bullying as a sustained campaign of harrassment, but it would if you defined bullying as aggressive behaviour designed to intimidate or upset.

Thankfully, cases of people being followed round the boards by someone intent of giving them a kicking are fairly rare.

Although there are a few that seem to go for someone's throat every time they 'see' them. That comes under bullying, certainly.

I agree about overusing the term bullying. It annoys me no end.

Agree BoF