Ahoy hoy mnhq - you aren't going to do anything about AIBU, are you?

We have a WWYD topic. Nobody uses it. So posters re-post in AIBU and then get slated because "what did you expect, it's AIBU". So the choice is between two replies, and getting a pasting "because it's AIBU". Brilliant, that's a great choice.

I kinda like the division 'wwyd' and 'I want a ruck' :o

Jane - I am saying it in direct response to your two posts above mine

LOL Mary

Yes, it's misguided but usually trotted out by the powers...'it is our busiest board'...yes, and JK on R4 would be their busiest ratings too but that doesn't mean it would be appropriate.

That's nonsense Chipping, and I don't know why you are saying it.

I've been here since 2007, posting since January that year and have been involved in more debates and scraps of the right and the wrong sort than you might think.

I however avoid AIBU and until recently, had it hidden completely for many months. I left and came back and I haven't bothered to hide it.

I like MN generally but I think AIBU is really bad for it - it has a different vibe. It sees as tolerable what MN never would have condoned when I joined.

And I don't think they would want to condone it now, if it didn't bring in so many hits. I think it's really sad.

Jane - of course they want to keep everyone, why wouldn't they?

It seems like you would prefer a site where everyone is nicey nice all the time, where no one disagrees, where nothing too contentious ever gets discussed....

Not all of us want that.

A direct question, if I may, MNHQ:

how can you reconcile your ethos of support, parents for parents, helping people lead easier lives, with the combative, aggressive, hyperdebate (and often scrap) that is AIBU?

How on EARTH does being given the bird, in verbal terms, make anyone's life as a parent or otherwise easier?

It's a Roman gladiator arena in the middle of a walk-in advice clinic.
(and it's Jeremy Kyle on radio four).

We don't need it. It's not what Mumsnet is about.

Well Bibbers they don't want to do that because then they would really alienate the old faithful, and new faithful, and the whole site would be a farce.

What they want to do is try and keep as many punters as possible, including us, including the hyped up arguers, including everyone - and it doesn't work. We hate the aggressive bit, we can't live happily alongside it - but despite the massive traffic it generates, it isn't enough on its own to maintain the MN they want to keep.

So we're forced to be unhappy bedfellows.
I think they need to decide who they are sleeping siding with tbh.

Bibbity - you have said (amongst other things)

MNHQ....pretending not to notice that aibu is just awful?

Why can't mnhq moderate just a tiny bit so that the threads in the topic actually make sense?

But having such a disproportionate number of threads in aibu simply makes Mumsnet and Mumsnetters look a little bit silly, I fear.

I don't much like the shouty nature of it either and the very odd "well you posted in aibu so what did you expect?" line that gets trotted out regularly

To me, that's not the same as what Maryz is saying

putting everything in aibu defeats the purpose of having topics - because apart from a few specialist topics and the quichey threads (and by that I include all the long-running threads, the anti and post natal, the support threads etc), posting any thread anywhere other than aibu is very unlikely to get any replies at all

The attitude on aibu is of secondary importance, imo

Then your comment:

I have suggested to mnhq that they simply scrap all topics and rename the site AmIBeingUnreasonable - they don't want to seem to do that either

... is just naughty

Maryz I don't think the car seat one does prove your point, I think it proves mine Topics are OK within reason, but don't provide a good space for general discussion/debate.

FWIW - I don't only use AIBU. I use 'Threads I'm On' and 'Active'. Some people hide or choose topics and unless you are buying a car seat I can see it being one that would be hidden, however, the thread would have been of general interest.

I agree with Indie and Wannabe. I think it's sad that it's come to be accepted that the biggest forum on here should be so hard-faced and unsympathetic, somewhere people post at their peril.

Maryz - I can see that :) but surely it's a case of working with how the site is actually being used and not how someone else has decided it should be being used.

Did you read my post ^^ about the car seats? [Tue 25-Oct-11 16:06:48] There are too many topics and even then sometimes a thread about something doesn't actually really belong in that topic The one about car seats was an interesting thread/debate, but it was moved to a 'topic' which no one bothers with unless they are looking for advice on buying a car seat?!

Maybe what we need to do is take the _ away from 'Chat' use that as a more 'general' space, promote WWYD and leave AIBU for the really strong AIBU's.

For me, the 'topics' should be for serious things & strong topics such as - bereavement, lone parents, SN etc and not for every single little thing.

Your arguement & Bibbity's are very different reasons not to (over) use AIBU.

Just to be clear: my biggest problem with aibu is that people don't use it correctly

Bibbity - so what??? & correctly according to who...? It Doesn't Matter. Really. It. Doesn't. Matter.

Welcome back Indie and looks like we concur on a number of points there...your post was better written though.

I think for me it's the sense of misgiving regarding MN's attitudes to traffic, to the image we have, to our self respect as a forum.

Also to the mutual respect or lack of in users

I really think it's damaging to the site as a whole not to mention to individuals in many cases. Obviously not all threads in aibu are damaging. But on the whole, it's a bad thing, and it's permeated the whole site in various ways and very much the media perception of MN.

I am almost ashamed to admit I use this place, now, whereas a few years ago I was proud to be part of it, and of how it was perceived.

I am in disguise, but am a poster of yore, and AIBU is 100% the reason why I am scarcely on Mn these days.
It was a JOKE. People used to start threads 'AIBU..' and MNHQ introduced a whole topic as a joke. Then it took over, like a pumpkin plant in a flower garden, spreading it's hairy great leaves all over the place. A magnet for people who like a narky argument, a place for the huffy, indignant and unreasonable to squark away at full screeching volume, and it's ambience of snippy ungenerous response spread to the rest of the board.

Even if you hide the topic, it's roots are there, undermining literate considered response.

Really - what does it matter if someone starts a thread 'AIBU to ask what colour pants you have on'. What is actually the problem with it? You can see what the thread is about just don't open it.

I don't get why it's such a big deal. It's a busy board. Read what you want, ignore the threads that don't interest you. Surely it's that simple.

Agree that there's an over use of AIBU. Occasionally there's a funny one but it's quite irritating to wade through all the 'AIBU to ask what colour pants you have on' type guff. Maybe we need a 'Misplaced AIBU' topic so the offending threads can be dumped there. :)

Think it's a good idea that AIBU threads disappear after 30 days.