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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

Let's talk about sex toys (well, ads for them on Mumsnet), please

486 replies

HelenMumsnet · 07/10/2011 11:51

Hello.

We'd like your opinions, please, on Mumsnet taking ads for stores/sites that sell sex toys.

We accepted a campaign for one site like this earlier in the week - and then removed it after receiving a fair number of complaints.

So, what we need to know now is...

Do you mind ads for stores/sites that sell sex toys - generally speaking?

Does it matter which stores/sites these are? And what kind of stuff they're selling?

And, if you wouldn't run a mile from these kinds of ads, would you be happy to see them all over Mumsnet (with the obvious exception of our more sensitive topics such as Bereavement, Special Needs, Relationships, Miscarriage etc)? Or would you prefer them only to be in Chat?

Do please post and let us know your thoughts.

Thanks MNHQ

OP posts:
KouklaMoo · 10/10/2011 12:23

I think there's a world of difference between discussion between users on MN, and advertising being endorsed by MN.

I'm not offended by anything that goes on between consenting adults blah blah blah, but that LH ad was awful. Clever advertising intends to influence people's perceptions of products, and that LH ad was basically saying 'you're not getting the sex life you deserve unless you buy...x product from us'.

The porn, the medical stuff Shock , the schoolgirl uniforms, it's all been said already on here - very unsavoury. Totally fine to have all these things discussed on MN, but totally not happy to see adverts for them here.

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 10/10/2011 12:22

@LoveBeingAMummyAgain

Mn in can't win shocker Wink
Grin
LoveBeingAMummyAgain · 10/10/2011 12:19

Mn in can't win shocker Wink

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 10/10/2011 12:18

@toosoontoosoon

'That said, Mumsnet is a site for adults and you are, quite frankly, at any time one click away from some pretty agricultural language (not even one click to be fair), graphic discussion and googling dragon butter. We have always been upfront that we are a site for grown ups not children, as we think there are great advantages people being able honestly to discuss sex, relationships etc. so we wouldn't want to ditch all that in the name of taste.'

Justine, I don't think you are getting it, with all due respect.

Yes we are able to discuss random sexual topics and that's normal. It's a bit like a conversation with other mums, maybe at a postnatal group or something...imagine you're sitting around talking about rabbits or whatever and one of you suddenly chimes in with 'Oh by the way would anyone like to buy this [disgusting and offputting piece of equipment]? I get a commission you know'.

It would be inappropriate, and would stop the conversation in its tracks.

Yes of course we want the freedom to talk about sex. It's NOT the same as a highly visual image popping up on the screen from some company trying to FLOG us sex equipment. Children who may not be able to read can still see these images.

Really disappointed with your answer tbh.

Hi toosoontoosoon, the reason I said what I said is that it had been given as one of the arguments as to why these type of ads are inappropriate - that children might see them. Obviously if they were very in your face graphic ads that could be easily stumbled across that would be a fair point (they weren't incidentally) but the principle as expressed in this particular argument - i.e. that MN is not a suitable place for for things that are inappropriate for children, is flawed I think, for all the reasons I expressed.

Clearly your point is different - it's about who Mumsnet takes revenue from. I accept that some Mumsnetters think we shouldn't take money from this type of company because they find the products on sale offensive/ degrading. For that reason, as said, we'll be more choosy in future.

ristretto · 10/10/2011 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MellowBirds · 10/10/2011 12:14

Thanks Helen MNHQ for amending thread title.

AnyCorpseFucker · 10/10/2011 11:47

oops, an incomplete sentence

I meant if the ethos of some of the members was in complete concordance with MNHQ but it's not essential

AnyCorpseFucker · 10/10/2011 11:45

I don't think MNHQ are quite getting it either.

But they have refused advertising revenue on behalf of their users.

MNHQ don't have to agree with us, nor do they even have to do as we ask.

Am not arse licking here (have given MNHQ plenty of work to do in the past with my sweariness and the delete button activity etc) but they have taken note and dropped the ads

They have dropped the ads across all the boards, haven't they ?? (just checking)

What more could we ask for ?

it would be nice if the ethos of some of the members (not everyone disagrees with LH adverts, so it is just some ) but it's not essential

toosoontoosoon · 10/10/2011 11:40

I know the word I was looking for. The advertisers are exploiting us.

I don't mind being exploited a bit with regard to pushchairs or fashion or holidays. There might be something in it for me.

I don't want the fact I might want to talk or think about sex should not be something that is exploited in the same way as the fact I think about which pushchair to buy.

It's entirely different.

Have you totted up the number of people who said they would leave MN if you began to advertise this sort of thing again?

Have you consulted with Boden and the rest?

thinks not

toosoontoosoon · 10/10/2011 11:36

'That said, Mumsnet is a site for adults and you are, quite frankly, at any time one click away from some pretty agricultural language (not even one click to be fair), graphic discussion and googling dragon butter. We have always been upfront that we are a site for grown ups not children, as we think there are great advantages people being able honestly to discuss sex, relationships etc. so we wouldn't want to ditch all that in the name of taste.'

Justine, I don't think you are getting it, with all due respect.

Yes we are able to discuss random sexual topics and that's normal. It's a bit like a conversation with other mums, maybe at a postnatal group or something...imagine you're sitting around talking about rabbits or whatever and one of you suddenly chimes in with 'Oh by the way would anyone like to buy this [disgusting and offputting piece of equipment]? I get a commission you know'.

It would be inappropriate, and would stop the conversation in its tracks.

Yes of course we want the freedom to talk about sex. It's NOT the same as a highly visual image popping up on the screen from some company trying to FLOG us sex equipment. Children who may not be able to read can still see these images.

Really disappointed with your answer tbh.

AnyCorpseFucker · 10/10/2011 11:18

Thanks

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 10/10/2011 11:15

Thanks for all the comments. We will take note of the objections with regard to taste and appropriateness and be a more careful about which companies we allow to advertise in future and where we allow them to advertise.

That said, Mumsnet is a site for adults and you are, quite frankly, at any time one click away from some pretty agricultural language (not even one click to be fair), graphic discussion and googling dragon butter. We have always been upfront that we are a site for grown ups not children, as we think there are great advantages people being able honestly to discuss sex, relationships etc. so we wouldn't want to ditch all that in the name of taste.

But we do understand that for many folks this type of advertising crosses a line that they'd rather not be crossed and we have taken careful note and will certainly bear it in mind in future. Cheers.

HollyGoHeavily · 10/10/2011 10:37

Just wanted to add another 'No' voice.

Everything I wanted to say has already been articulated on this thread - Love Honey, Ann Summers et al are not liberating for women. They are contributing to a message being pushed hard at everyone that sex is only good if you are pushing the boundaries.

KouklaMoo · 10/10/2011 09:50

It would be a no vote from me too. No to all of them, for all the reasons so eloquently put so far.

I'm surprised MNHQ even needs to ask.

BarryShitpeas · 10/10/2011 09:45

I wouldn't like any "adult" advertising on mn.

For the reasons everyone else has said.

Just, no.

MellowBirds · 10/10/2011 08:48

MNHQ, I wonder if the title of this thread is (inadvertently) excluding some members from the debate. There could be members who are not able to click on a thread with this title for fear of it showing in their history. The thread title does not say this is a debate about sex ads on MN, just about sex ads. Also, it could be misconstrued as maybe a marketing thing, eg an Ann Summers survey, which again, some people aren't going to want to get involved in.

I was actually surprised at what this thread was about - I clicked on it thinking it was going to be a strand of the let girls be girls campaign. How ironic!

toosoontoosoon · 10/10/2011 07:23

CalatalieSisters Sun 09-Oct-11 18:12:49
When I first saw an Ann Summers on my local high street I was mildly interested because I took its marketing at its word when it claimed to be "for women" in some meaningful way. But seeing the tawdry uncomfortable basques and other tackery it stocks I don't think it is remotely for women, or for their pursuit of sex on their own terms. It's just a chance for women to ape the pornography that has already taken sex away from them and also an opportunity for retailers to steal one more activity away from us all so that they can sell it back in an accessorized form.

___

Brilliant post and very, very true. It's not for women at all. It's to encourage women to become what some men want them to be. It's the equivalent of some ageing woman taking you to one side and saying, 'here, love, it's alright, I'll show you how to shave your bits/bind your feet/give good head. It's the only way to keep a man you know dear and we must embrace it or be forever on the shelf.'

As an aside I don't do the Friday threads, I'm not remotely interested in anal sex, and I don't care where those threads go because I just don't read them. They are people talking. They are not advertisements.

MellowBirds · 10/10/2011 07:04

Exactly, normalshnormal.

It's so off-brand!

Unfathomable.

Jux · 10/10/2011 00:47

bum sex threads, bloody auto-correct on these mobile devices Blush

Jux · 10/10/2011 00:45

Noooooooooo don't take the Friday night by sex threads off the main board!!!!!!

pastawine · 10/10/2011 00:07

i didnt think i'd mind - hell ive shopped from some of "those sites" but actually i think i would mind seeing them advertise on here, it just doesnt seem right to take ads for sex toys on a parenting website,

why not open a 'highly personal' area of the forum with a separate login? stick all the ads you like in there along with all the friday night bum sex threads.

normalshmormal · 10/10/2011 00:07

And as for how centerparcs, Boden etc
might react..?!

normalshmormal · 10/10/2011 00:04

Regardless of taste, I'm incredulous that you're considering this, given the damage it could do to brand. They must have offered you a LOT of cash. Mumsnet is the waitrose/grazia/VW of its industry, in terms of perception of quality, customer loyalty, customers' disposable cash (the nice ham buyers of this world).

Brand-wise those ads sit alongside plastic surgery clinics, premium rate horoscope phone lines and ringtone download ads. When I see those in a magazine, I feel a bit disappointed that the magazine is desperate and doesn't get me.

If you are desperate for cash, fair enough do it, after all it's a business, but bear in mind that you WILL look desperate and the short term cash gain will devalue the company in the long term.

And I think the ads are grim. Grin

ginmakesitallok · 09/10/2011 21:42

No vote here as well - Mumsnet is a wonderful forum full of supportive, empowering women and to allow ads for companies who sell product which degrade and demean women just doesn't sit right with me. If I want a vibrator then I'll get one, doesn't mean I want ads for one on this site. If there were ads on here then, like JeanBodel, I wouldn't be on the site in case one of my DDs saw it.

However - if there was a separate sex forum which perhaps needed a separate login then fine - and I like the idea of MN developing it's own range of sex toys which respect women! Grin

42day · 09/10/2011 21:29

No vote here because again totally inappropriate, chance my kids might see them and haven't there even been young people on here who seek advice from mums for example the poor girl whose parents had both died and she was having difficulty with school/college.