Let's talk about sex toys (well, ads for them on Mumsnet), please

I dont really get why you would consider this. How would it sit alongside the other companies that advertise with you (Boden, GLTC etc) Do you think they would be impressed?
You must surely think about the image of the site (as the advertising graphics are usually the most thought out and most obvious on the page)... I worry about the people in charge of your corporate imaging if they are even opening this for debate.... do you not know your demographic? You'd maybe not loose that many from the regular users, but when people are clicking on a site for the first time.... usually pregnant or trying to conceive, do you think they would be drawn to a site with these adds?
Also many women come here for support in difficult relationships with an abusive power imbalance, these sites are maybe fine for the woman who chooses to look for them, but I think its stupid to assume that if you keep them away from the 'sensitive' pages then thats OK, do you think a woman who uses the MC forums doesnt also go to the 'chat' forum and so on.....? Its very basic to pigeon hole your membership into their forums in this way.... and a bit of an excuse for going ahead while trying to save some face. Not good.
People come to this site for comfort and reassurance and advice. The idea of running these adds just does not fit with anything else you supposedly stand for morally. I dont understand why you are considering it.... Your Ad people are doing a crap job if a site as big as this has to consider something so out of kilter with the ethos and morals it advertises. Bit disappointed with you on this one......

I don't mind adverts for LH or any other stores, as long as they're not crazy graphic (I know lots of people log onto MN from work, and it's a bit hard to hide you're not working when a rampant rabbit thrusts across the screen!).

Don't care what the sites are selling (as long as it's legal), as people have different kinks & they have to get their stuff from somewhere; if some of the people so anti sex sites were to pop over to the forums on LH, they'd find the majority of posters are literate, friendly woman (loads of parents!) not sex-starved perverts who chain up women dressed as sexy school girls against their will.

Judging by the tone on the page (haven't read through the thread) it would seem I'm in a minority, and maybe it will have to be an optional opt in (like how mobile phone companies ask permission to show you 18+ ads for gambling & sex sites)?

I don't mind where the adverts are, but I think keeping them in chat would be safer (posters are less likely to post something sensitive there).

Excellent posts Uppity and Sarah1002

Agree with Sarah1002 on all counts. Please don't do it, MN.

Actually I don't think Sh! bondage products are the same at all. Consenting hetero and lesbian couples (and I would imagine, solo women) enjoy bondage. The company has a strong feminist ethos. As Bela says, unaccompanied men can't even enter the shop. I think it's empowering.

I totally agree about other sites, though. Fanny in a can, yuck.

Mynah?? mumsy

All I can think is that MN wants to overhaul the cozy, mynah image that perhaps potential advertisers see the site as personifying, and open up a whole new revenue stream. As SAF said, no one's saying, sorry, we mis-judged that one - instead it's, which one shall we have?

This hS been quite an eye-opener for me, actually. I don't know why I should be so naive as to assume MN's ethics would be better than this - I'm a cynic by nature - but I did, and feel so disappointed and stupid.

the thing is mnhq didn't ask - they took the revenue, chose to put the ads specifically on the relationships board and then seemed surprised that people were offended. that's hard to understand given the consultation i'm told occurred about McDs.

the ads were about how your sex life needs to be worth living - basically saying that a sex life worth anything includes the use of products like their own. it was also imo implying that not wanting to do these things meant you were providing a shit sex life to your dh/dp and that if your sex life was not going well the onus was on you to make it better by buying into a pornified version of sex. and it was at the top of relationships where women post about problems with their sex lives, guilt about not feeling like sex after giving birth, pressure from partners to have sex they weren't feeling ready for, discovering their partners were watching a lot of porn and were bringing it into the bedroom in ways that made that uncomfortable etc etc. such poor taste and disrespect for the women there.

the asking for opinions is after the fact which surprises me - it surprises me that mnhq did not have the sense and foresight to see the inappropriateness of doing this.

now the questioning seems to be well if you don't want that company which one shall we have? why so keen to have any? why so keen to sell this stuff? why does it seem like an appropriate product given it would upset and offend some people and that it is acknowledged than mn'ers come on here with their children around and don't want them to see this stuff?

i'm really at a loss as to why they would so desperately want to advertise this stuff? it's a parenting site. yes we talk about all sorts of stuff and some of it is very 18+ but that is easy to avoid for those who would be offended by it and it isn't an endorsement of anything because it's just individual people talking which is utterly different.

recently a member got their daughter to post for advise on here about an ethical dilemma. another made a thread asking for advice for her teenage son about sexual consent that he then read. the rest of us will no doubt have had our kids looking over our shoulder or looking at the screen when we leave the room because given we're not on a sex site we don't feel the need to close down the computer to go for a wee or make a cup of tea.

why would a parenting site want to advertise porn styled products? i'm really lost.

Just wanted to add a NO vote.

Sorry, I've just read Uppity's post and found we're saying the same thing about normalising it.

There you go then. It's not just me that can see through it.

I haven';t read the entire thread. But just turn it round.

WHY do you think these people want to advertise on MN?

Because they want WOMEN, and most of all, mothers, to buy their stuff. It's covert pressure, it's 'normalising' the sort of disgusting things they sell, trying to make it seem like we're supposed to buy it, everyone else does, that sort of thing.

I despise any company that sells sex 'toys' (please don't call them this - it's again a subtle marketing plot to make them seem harmless and 'fun' when in reality they are anything but)

It's sick. I don't know where to start, if MNHQ is even asking this question.

It's horrible. Please don't do it, you'll lose my readership at any rate.

I find these things really offensive and especially if my children are looking at the screen - no other site I look at advertises this shite so why the feck do you think it's appropriate for you to? As a parenting site?

Very good post Uppity. I know of a number of women who have been severely harmed by BDSM relationships and other kinds of sexually abusive behaviour.

Sh Women still has BDSM gear (including ropes for rope bondage which is dangerous) and promotes the idea of women as sex objects (women having to get dressed up in sexy gear to titillate her partner)

I see someone has beaten to mentioning Sh. The website is here and on a brief look doesn't appear to be in the usual mould.
The physical store will only let men in if they are accompanied by a woman.
Just don't ask me how i know that

Ooops sorry for the essay.

Off to bed, good night.

One of the things that I want to challenge, is this bland assertion that these are sex toys and nothing else and we have to accept all this at face value.

Some of them of course, are just sex toys. Some of them however, are instruments of abuse. MN is full of threads from women who are being forced to do things in the bedroom that they don't want to do. If you enjoy being whipped, tied up, having your vagina stretched by specula, being fist fucked until your anus bleeds, I'm not talking about you, whatever rocks your boat, this isn't about you. It's about all the women who are forced or pressurised by their partners, to do things they feel really unhappy and uncomfortable about sexually and come on to MN to seek support and advice from other women.

Sometimes those women will have handmaidens and trolls telling them that their feelings aren't valid; they receive the modern day equivalent advice of "lie back and think of England". The sexual revolution hasn't happened for them - just for their DP's. And what makes me uncomfortable about MN advertising companies that buy into those sorts of attitudes, is that a woman posting for support and advice, will not only have the idiots to contend with who warn her that if she doesn't comply with her DP's wishes, then she'll only have herself to blame if her husband leaves her for another woman or pays a prostituted woman for sex or some other such twaddle that I have sometimes read on MN, but she'll also have to contend with the undermining of her feelings by the "official" endorsement of those attitudes that the advertising represents.

And yes, I know that all these sorts of advertisers would emphasise that they don't condone sexual bullying blah di blah; but it is still a massive taboo for women to admit that they are having to do things in bed, that they don't want to and the proponents of porn culture, have a vested interest in denying that this sort of sexual bullying is rife and in fact have a vested interest in getting their stakeholders to participate in the sexual bullying by advising the victims of it, to get with the programme and just try it out, stop being prudes and just do it to make your DP happy when he wants you to try anal sex, or being tied up, or blindfolded or whatever. These sites make those activities look as though eveyrone is or should be doing them and their presence on MN would further undermine the objections of someone who comes here for support. That would be extremely shit IMO.

I don't like ads for sex products. I find them very off-putting. Tacky, nasty and unpleasant, they are always hideously designed. I've always thought of mumsnet as a classy brand, but carrying these ads completely contradicts this. Just looks desperate and undermines MN's position.

What about Sh! Women? I really like them. Run by women and for women.

I happily wander into Anne Summers and browse the rabbits - I don't want them hopping popping up on my screen thank you very much!

Don't sell your souls for cash, MNHQ

MNHQ You have a feminism board, you didn't really think this was going to be a winner did you??

I personally wouldn't care so long as the adverts were suitable for small children to see (so you'd have to click the link to see anything 'adult') as I know many MNers MN with their kids on their knee/in the room. But then I don't see every second thing/comment as degrading, offensive or mysogynistic

I do think, however, you would be really really stupid to go ahead with it, as it would cause nothing but grief for you & it probably would make MN less respected by the media etc.

No, wouldn't be happy with that at all.
For the reasons cited above

I know Im late joining this thread but I cant resist adding my opinion.

Personally I dont want to see ads for sex toys (or other sex stuff) on any mumsnet page regardless of topic, regardless of which company the advert is for.
Even if the ads are mostly just words with no 'offensive' pictures, I dont want my kids saying "mum, what is love honey?" or whatever!

Ive no doubt that makes me seem a prude - so be it!

No, just no.

I'm no prude but I'd rather follow up links from other Mners than be faced with adverts. Frankly I've had a lot of problems with cookies and what-have-yous ( lacking technical knowledge here) then leading onto 'dating agency ' and 'let's chat' 'looking for sex? 'sites following from looking on these sites and i would really rather i didn't get them while looking at Mumsnet or any other time frankly.

thanks mwahaha

OMG - what will DH think if he looks on the history?!!!!!