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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

MNHQ please can we have an "elderly parents" section?

93 replies

ssd · 27/08/2011 09:17

this subject is so relevant to many of us yet there is nowhere to discuss the feelings of loss/guilt/anger/worry many of us have, not to mention having a discreet laugh and chat when it all gets too much

I think this would be a really useful and sympathetic section for those of us struggling with elderly mums or dads

thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 02/09/2011 23:38

"ssdWed 05-Dec-07 18:25:21

the hard bit comes when you have to start parenting your own parent

but thats a whole new thread"

-just found this in the search thingy, have been needing this thread for a while!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 02/09/2011 23:22

"our ageing parents and relatives" , maybe?

like Fru and others here, I've posted before about my mum, but usually in the AIBU section, eg." AIBU my mum depresses me", after the usual visit, which sees me driving home with tears running down my face.

Carers is a section I'd never visit to discuss my mum, I'm not her carer but her daughter who does the worrying and sorting out and yes, caring, but its a whole different thing when its your mum or dad and they don't live with you, you aren't classed as a carer but you have all the emotional stuff going on but no one to share it with.

So glad this is going to become a topic, am sure it'll be well used.

OP posts:
OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 20:33

Wompoo

I like it! Or, our ageing parents..

wompoopigeon · 02/09/2011 20:25

Our aged parents (OAPs)????

ChippingIn · 02/09/2011 19:45

Well - I thought it was for 'older parents' Blush I thought it was a bit of a cheeky way to describe people who were having kids later in life Grin so ignored the thread until I was soooo bored I had to read it

I like 'Doddery Old Buggers' Grin... but not seriously, far too dismissive when people have upsetting situations.

Coping with ageing parents - or is it too long?

FruStefanLindman · 02/09/2011 19:36

Sorry, Helen, I wasn't being stroppy Smile

I just thought you meant you were debating whether to start a new Topic, or not.

I guess you meant, you're debating what to call it?

(Please don't tell me you actually go into that shed? Grin)

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 02/09/2011 19:19

@FruStefanLindman

HelenMNHQ. This thread started a week ago.

Posters on this thread (including me) said that the 'Carers' topic didn't seem to be quite right the right place for those of us who are struggling with specific issues with their elderly parents/relatives.

I've been 'here' over a year now, and have seen some heart-rending threads from many MNers who have elderly parents/relatives/IL's - most of those threads being in Chat or AIBU.

A separate topic would be extremely helpful. Sadly I lost my Mum to dementia last year, after a number of years of...well...extremely difficult and heart-breaking times. I'm still struggling with many things about the last few years of her life, even though she is no longer with me.

I think ssd's request is quite valid - especially when you read some of the other posts on this thread.

Carers isn't quite the right place. Neither is Bereavement. We are stuck between the two.

No, we take your point, Fru. That's what I meant in my earlier post. Apols if that wasn't very clear.

Sorry about your mum Sad

FruStefanLindman · 02/09/2011 16:29

HelenMNHQ. This thread started a week ago.

Posters on this thread (including me) said that the 'Carers' topic didn't seem to be quite right the right place for those of us who are struggling with specific issues with their elderly parents/relatives.

I've been 'here' over a year now, and have seen some heart-rending threads from many MNers who have elderly parents/relatives/IL's - most of those threads being in Chat or AIBU.

A separate topic would be extremely helpful. Sadly I lost my Mum to dementia last year, after a number of years of...well...extremely difficult and heart-breaking times. I'm still struggling with many things about the last few years of her life, even though she is no longer with me.

I think ssd's request is quite valid - especially when you read some of the other posts on this thread.

Carers isn't quite the right place. Neither is Bereavement. We are stuck between the two.

omnishambles · 02/09/2011 15:25

Very good originalposter - thats exactly what I'm attempting to do without much success.

OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 15:10

Parenting parents?

Terpsichore · 02/09/2011 14:21

I second this. When my father developed vascular dementia it was incredibly hard to find information about where to turn to - sharing knowledge with others on MN in similar situations would be such a great resource and source of encouragement.

omnishambles · 02/09/2011 14:15

I would like this too - just saying.

I would also like it to be unsearchable as I havent anywhere to talk about things that would out me otherwise and I dont want to namechange just to talk about the Doddery Old Bugger.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/09/2011 14:13

I think most people think of Carers as those who care full time for somebody. That is not necessarily the case with aging parents - as someone mentioned up thread, having aging parents 4 hours away down the motorway has it's own problems.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 02/09/2011 14:10

@ssd

how about Dodderry Old Buggers? Grin

so come on MNHQ, I'm sure you have nothing else to do but give us this!!

whats the verdict?

Ha at Doddery Old Buggers - my mum would love that!

We've been asked about this before, I think, and at the time, it was thought that this kind of discussion would fit well in Carers.

We do take your points here, though - so we'll have another think...

OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 13:16

Why not just chat while you're waiting for the official topic? Then jump to the right place when the powers that be decide to act?

LunaticIsOnTheGrass · 02/09/2011 13:12

A topic like this would have been great when I was looking after my MIL.

You've got my vote.

caramelwaffle · 02/09/2011 10:07

Another vote to bump up ssd's numbers

Tianc · 02/09/2011 09:56

As an aside, there's a thread specifically about mobility issues in General Health: Welcome to the Wheelie-drome! (wheelchairs and all mobility stuff)

Lilymaid · 02/09/2011 09:44

I'll vote for that too.
Now only got a MIL who is in early stages of dementia. Fortunately for us our DCs are now at university and beyond but dealing with elderly parents with health problems is something that creeps up on you. One moment, it seems, they are looking after the DCs and helping you and the next moment they are in need of help themselves. (I exaggerate but it is difficult to deal with the change).

Original poster
ssd · 02/09/2011 09:28

hi again!!!

OP posts:
OriginalPoster · 01/09/2011 09:49

There's obviously a demand MNHQ...

Pinot · 01/09/2011 09:41

Another vote for this please HQ.

FruStefanLindman · 01/09/2011 09:36

I'm keeping an eye out too, ssd.
I'm sure they're working on it - aren't you, MNHQ? Grin Wink

Original poster
ssd · 01/09/2011 08:18

hi again MNHQ!

I'm not going away Grin

OP posts:
levantine · 31/08/2011 09:16

This is a great idea. My in laws are in their eighties, four hours away down the motorway and increasingly immobile